22 Weeks

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A month ago someone said to me, "You're four months? When are you gonna start showing?!" The other day Jose looked at me and asked, "Are you sure there aren't two in there??"

Granted, a lot of it depends on what I wear, but the truth is, I have grown a lot in the last few weeks. I feel so stretched out, I can't believe I still have four months to grow! How can my belly take it? No stretch marks, fortunately, and I don't think I'll be getting any because my mom didn't get any.

Today at church I picked some cucumbers from the garden there. After everyone had finished and was cleaning up, I was walking around eating a cucumber. My relationship with food is odd. I still don't get super hungry, but I find that once I start eating, I could go on and on. I often feel a craving for something, I just can't figure out what. Then I start bingeing on fruit, which of course fills up the spaces but doesn't really satiate me. So I give up, and then realize how full I feel! Most of the time I feel so full, even when my stomach is empty, I don't see how I can fit anymore in. Then I'm amazed how much I am able to fit in once I get started.

The other day I bought myself a kiddie pool. I figured it would be a great way to beat the heat and maybe I could use it for a birthing pool when the time comes. Yesterday I got inspired after seeing the pool down the street full of wild children, so I came home and blew up my own pool. For a kiddie pool it's pretty spacious. I could probably fit my husband and mom and midwife and her helpers in it! Somehow I doubt that will happen. I did, however, fit my lounge chair in it, and filled it just high enough to cool off my feet and backside while I sunbathed. I was feeling very cocky about beating the heat, when a huge thunder storm rolled over the sun. "Oh yeah," I remembered, "It's not really that hot today!"

Actually, the cooler weather is a huge blessings. It seems that since we had June weather in May, we're having May weather in June. I'm all for holding off the smothering heat as long as possible!

One day while I was out sunbathing, I called Jose over. "Stand behind me and look at my belly." I told him. Together we watched it twitch and quiver as Baby T danced in the sunshine. Today I noticed that when I inhale, my belly button changes shape. The deeper I inhale, the more it pulls out of the safety of it's cave, like a turtle coming out of it's shell. In fact, when I inhale very deeply, it starts to poke out like puckering lips. Woohoo! I bet I'm going to have an outie! Or is that Baby T throwing kisses?

I must confess I don't feel quite as beautiful and "blossoming" as I did. I guess pregnancy can't be all a bowl of cherries! Really, I'm grateful to not yet be suffering from too many symptoms: no heartburn, swollen feet, indigestion, skin blemishes, constipation.... But now that I'm starting to grow and gain weight, I have a harder time fitting into my clothes and I'm more uncomfortable as I waddle around. Yesterday after grocery shopping and doing housework all day, I soaked my aching feet in cold water and then lay in bed with a pillow under them. Would you know, just when I got comfortable, I heard my phone ring at the opposite end of my nice clean house. I kept looking at the ceiling and let it ring away!

I had a bad dream for the first time last night. I dreamed I delivered, but our baby was only 3 inches long. A perfect little boy, and I held him in my palm feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me. I knew he couldn't survive, and even if they wanted to try to save him, I wouldn't let them. My first job as a nurse was for a child who was born at 21 weeks, and I did not want to force that kind of life on my baby. So I held him and didn't speak or cry or breathe, just knew this was as much of him as I would ever have. When I woke up and felt my swollen belly twitching with a few kicks, I felt so relieved and happy! Still so much to look forward to!