I wrote this for a friend's essay "journey of motherhood"

[weaveress]

My situation is different from many step parents who come into a relationship
were the child remembers their mother and father being a couple and because of that may feel resentment for the new parent because they are not their parent.
I was there for my stepdaughter's first real word, first step, her 1st bath by herself,
all of her birthdays, and everything that followed. I started dating my husband when his daughter, Kasi Lynn, was eight months old. I am the only person she remembers her father being with. For the most of her life this caused confusion as to what family meant. For example, she calls her grandparents mom mom and dada. For the longest time she didn't understand why I was not her mommy, because mommies and daddies like grandparents come in pairs.
She finally began figuring this out around age 3 when her dad and I were
married and had Calvin David. Dealing with the definition of family was made more difficult by Shawn and I not wanting to mention her other family around her.
For fear that we would judge them, their choices, or change the way she saw
them.  Another difference is that I had two years with Kasi, as my oldest child
before we had her little brother. So there was no competition between my kids and his kids because she was our only child. Kasi and I bonded and she chose to call me Mommy. Before that she had called me JuJu. She now differentiates her mother and I by mommy juju and mommy misty when we are both present or Kasi thinks we will be confused as to which of us she is referring during one of her many stories.   As different as my situation was to most step parents experience. I believe that all can benefit from attempting to bond with their new children and eventually love them as their own. This is easier said than done I realize. But here is an example from my own past, my stepfather won my heart by listening to me and wanting to spend time with me. He didn't come into my life until I was eighteen years old, but he was there when I was accepted into college, when his grandson was born, and when I was married. More importantly is the fact that I wanted him to be there.