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he's the same... I'm different.
- Jun 15, 2009 at 3:39 PM
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- Comments (2) Total Views (65) Everyone can see this journal post.
My son is still the same person this morning.... however, I'm different.
He's still the same happy child.... nothing in his world has changed.
My world, however, has been crushed - again.
This morning, my second son was diagnosed with Autism. I'm lucky, I guess, because this time the diagnosis wasn't as bad as the first time we went through this... my oldest has classic Autism. Now my middle has Aspergers (or high functioning Autism).
Either way you look at it, my world is no longer the same. I knew there was a 40% chance of son #2 having Autism after son #1 was diagnosed, but I had hoped - more than I faced reality - that he would be "normal" (whatever the hell that means).
The chances of my next son having Autism has jumped to 80%. And he's not even born yet!!! I still have 2-3 months until he arrives and I'm already worried. Will I be as "lucky" with son #3? Will he have Autism? Will be worse than the others? So many questions.... no answers. I'm not prepared for this. I should be. I did my research. I read everything I can about Autism and every aspect of it, whether it applies to my life or not. I want to know all I can.
But this? I was not ready for this. I really had hoped that I wasn't seeing the same traits and behaviors. I was really hoping that the behaviors I was seeing was just imitation... just the younger brother mimicking the older brother... something that would be "outgrown". You can't outgrow Autism. And I'm not ready.... my world is no longer the comfy world I've grown to know over the last year and a half.
It's hard to adjust to Autism... and the child, who seems like a stranger most times, who deals with it. I don't know what he goes through, but I try to be understanding and make others aware and understand what he's dealing with. But now, to have two children on the Spectrum... both completely different in their own rights, well, it's just not something I thought would ever happen to me. I never thought I would have one child on the Spectrum. Now I have two. Could I possibly have three? *sigh*
He's still the same. They both are. For them, life is normal - same routine. It's me who is different. I've changed. In the span of a few seconds, I changed yet again.
Now, to make sense of it all.... good luck, right? Yeah, I know. Excuse me while I get off the computer, wipe away the tears, and go hug my children... my beautiful, wonderful, awesome sons who make my life worthwhile, meaningful, and complete.
If you have "normal" kids, kids that talk, kids that allow you to hold them without squirming, kids who can tell you how they feel... show them you appreciate them. Love them. You are lucky.
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Oh dear! Wow...I don't know what to say. I could say 'sorry' but somehow that doesn't seem quite right. So, I guess I'll just leave it at 'Wow" and offer you a (((cyber-hug.))) But you should know, the way you have written this is very moving, tender, melancholy, grateful, and hopeful all at the same time. It really sounds like it belongs in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book. I wish you all the best. Perhaps God knows that you are strong enough to handle this and squeeze all the beauty from it. I wish you joy, patience, and laughter on your journey.
- Paris_Moonlight
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