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Mommy Wars
- Jun 16, 2009 at 7:20 AM
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- Comments (69) Total Views (1833) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am looking at mommy debates, and I find them rather interesting/perplexing. Moms attack other moms over the strangest and oddest things.The most recent debate I've seen is the extended rear facing one. I have seen moms call other moms lazy and uncaring, terrible mothers who would just let their children die when the original study that started all of this showed a benefit of 0.06% and only studied children up to 23 months. So really, it is quite a leap to say that a child should be rear facing as long as possible based on this study. And yet, a child is far less likely to get kidnapped walking to school than they are to be in a car accident in the first place.
This "better safe than sorry" mentality, I find a bit disturbing. If we were going to be "better safe than sorry", we should homeschool, because there might be a school shooting. If we were going to be better safe than sorry, we should never take them in the car at all. We would take our children to church on Sunday, mosque on Friday, and synagogue on Saturday. We wouldn't let our child on an airplane. We would not take our children to the grocery store because they might catch the swine flu. We wouldn't let them play outside, because they might get hit by a car. Extended rear facing helps prevent serious injuries over front facing by 0.06%, and the study only went to 23 months, but 100% of car accidents are preventable by not driving at all. What, you don't care enough about the safety of your child to never drive? You lazy parent; you don't deserve your children.
The real reason we aren't always "better safe than sorry" is because it isn't always practical to be. We pick and choose what is convenient for us, then criticize other parents for picking and choosing something different.
The newest studies say that our generation of overparenting is beneficial to no one. It is both sad and interesting how we take the smallest benefits of breastfeeding, ERF, etc, and act like it is the very and only thing that keeps our children alive. The truth is that in many of these issues, the benefit is so small that if everyone did it, then the benefits might go away because the original study sample sizes are so small and can't rule out other factors of causation.
It's really sad because we are all just moms doing the best we can in a world completely full of misinformation and bad studies and we could be supporting each other instead of tearing each other down. It's really just silly when you stop and think about it. I think it's good to share studies and new ways of doing things. But attacking other parents when they disagree with the study or benefits is sad, and really says nothing good about the attacker. Studies show that 98% of parents who attack other parents for doing things minorly differently raise children who think the world revolves around them and turn out to be serial killers.* So stop criticizing parents who use car seats differently: criticize those who don't use them at all. Stop criticizing parents who formula feed their infants: criticize those who neglect their children. Etc.
*I made that up.
UPDATE: Oh, wow, I had no idea so many people would look at this! Let me clarify a few things! I definitely, definitely agree that people should share information with each other and people shouldn't take it as unconstructive criticism. I made a few crazy mistakes with my daughter that I wish someone would have said, "Oh, you aren't supposed to do that!" Well, they did, but not until after it was too late.
I wrote this post after reading some comments elsewhere where a couple ladies were saying things like other parents were lazy and unintelligent for not rear facing until the kid was an adult (exaggeration), and one person even said that when their kid dies, don't come running to cafemom. That is the kind of judgment I am referring to in my post.
Comments:
I like your post. Unfortunately, I think it is just in some moms DNA to be judgemental, and lack the knowledge that their way is not the only successful way to live. I agree that overprotective parenting is benefiting no one.
I would also like to add, that I live my life, and raise my children the way that is beneficial to us. I refuse to debate that with anyone.
Well said
Bravo!
very well said!
And the reason there are arguments is because you can find different sources, such as your source for rear-facing? Yeah, Sweden and a lot of us disagree with your findings. Sweden keeps their children rear-facing until 5 because it's proven in MANY studies that rear-facing is over 5 times safer than forward facing - a benefit that you NEVER outgrow. Even adults would be safer rear-facing.
*shrug*
I'd rather people disagree and learn from each other and do research than just pull up one source and go, "Well I'm right and you're wrong." What's most beneficial is when instead of telling others they're wrong and dumb, is for people INSTEAD to learn, and when you LEARN better, DO better... don't keep defending your choices that have then been proven to not be the best.
This whole illusion of women all getting along is kind of old. The greatest philosophers debate, challenge, and prove each other wrong. As long as you're willing to LEARN (which so many women here aren't), debate is much healthier than agreeing to disagree for the sake of a false calm.
Excellent . Unfortunately, many lack experience and IQs are not all equal.
This whole illusion of women all getting along is kind of old. The greatest philosophers debate, challenge, and prove each other wrong. As long as you're willing to LEARN (which so many women here aren't), debate is much healthier than agreeing to disagree for the sake of a false calm. RanaAurora
I agree. While a lot of women around CM take the debates around here too personally (hell, we've ALL been down that road once or twice), the purpose of this site is to support each other AND share viewpoints and information on parenting. A debate of oposing sides can be healthy and positive, IF those parties involved walk into it with an open mind. Too many around here ride the sanctimommy train. Too bad. :o(
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