Cruel and Unusual Punishment

[Kajenloca]

I am about to make an admission; something so heinous that you may never look at me the same way-ever. Please be prepared, you probably will not believe what you are about to read, but it is sadly true.

I serve-my family-on a consistent basis-LEFTOVERS! Gasp. I know. How inhumane can a mother be? I painstakingly plan a nutritious and delicious meal each night. Home cooked, by my loving hands, to fortify my family-body and soul. Now in the event that we have a surplus of extra food what is a girl to do? Throw it out when there are so many starving children in the world?

I have made a conscious decision to subject my family instead to what they have labeled as CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT. I actually make them eat a meal more than once. Are you gasping again at my atrocity? How dare I, right? I go so far as trying to deceive my family on occasion by creatively disguising the leftovers. For example, if we have an abundance of roast, I make beef and noodles or BBQ beef. If there is taco filling I may turn that into chili. I am truly evil, aren't I?

I always make sure that there is at least a one day grace period in between serving times, but mainly the leftovers are spread out by days from the initial meals. Heck, sometimes it is MONTHS because I have frozen the meal. I pull it out on those crazy nights of having five soccer games, a track meet and two Boy Scout meetings. That doesn't matter; it is still classified as "leftover".

On this night, my family was gathered for our evening feast. The table set, the aroma of warm mingling flavors wafting up into the air. Life was good-or so I thought. One by one my family members started analyzing what lay before them. Suspicion filled their eyes-and accusations started to fly. My husband started the lynching.

Is this leftover?

I pretended not to hear his question as I busily served everyone.

He repeated the question and young ears perked up to hear my reply.

Is this leftover?

By this point everyone is chanting; IS THIS LEFTOVER?

I glared at my husband.

My third child took over the ring leader role. Playing witness that YES, what his mother was trying to serve the family had once before been placed on our dinner table. He was ruthless and his henchmen echoed in the tirade of how ghastly the thought was that they were to be tortured by leftovers-again.

I did what any mother would do in my situation. I threatened to throw out the food and let them starve. I picked up a pan for a more dramatic effect as they all cried out that they were willing to suffer through the meal.

The rest of dinner was pretty quiet except for the occasional deep sigh of protest; my mother's extra sensory perception could actually hear the pained look upon the many faces surrounding me. Before everyone finished I silently left the table. I returned with a pie in my hands. All of sudden there was the sound of happy cheering voices replacing the melancholy that was in the room seconds earlier.

We have pie!

I quickly corrected that statement; informing my most boisterous child, the son who had the most grievances about the cruelty that had befallen him.

Oh, no. Sorry my boy. This pie is not for you. Don't you remember? I served you this pie yesterday-just yesterday! This dessert is LEFTOVER! I just could not live with myself to force you into another unbearable situation so soon after enduring this last hardship.

I looked around me at all the sheepish grins, realizing their big mistake. I could see the desperate pleading in their eyes longing for what I held in my hands.

I did what any mother in my situation would do. I grabbed a fork, the pie, and left the room-my evil laughter echoing behind me...

[MissMelody85]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 9:42 AM

Hahaha. You sound like a fun mom =) Reading this, I literally pictured it all in my head.  I love your journals.

[lovelypinky]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 9:49 AM

You did a wonderful job!!! They will soon understand to just be grateful to have a meal, including that husband!!!!!!!!

[mommytoadam]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 9:50 AM

I, too, subject my family to the Cruel and Unusual Punishment of Leftovers.  But, unlike you, I sometimes do not even try to recreate them into a new meal.  I will just say "Here - - eat these leftovers."  My son moans and groans and flops to the floor in an Oscar worthy performance.  Riah grins and says "I eat it!" while Mara just simply says "Crackers."  :-)

[Lb128f]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 10:01 AM

LOL!! Very cute! ;-) So true, huh? I think there are some "leftovers" in my frig right now...what time is it? :-)

[koalagirl]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 10:24 AM

You are hilarious !!  Last night's dinner here was steak(sat), hamburgers(sun), mac&cheese(mon.lunch) !and various TBSP of veggies from the fridge!

[t1gger143]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 10:54 AM Love it ! My mom used to have "buffet night." It was the week's leftovers layed out cold on the counter. My husband and I love leftovers. It means no cooking.

[Momtocccd]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 10:55 AM

LOL. How dare you!!!

[evwsquared]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 1:13 PM

Now I know to start indoctrinating my daughter young that leftovers are a good thing, even better than the original meal.

[theyareallmine]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 1:24 PM

YOU HORRID WRETCHED MOTHER!!!  Oh wait...I do it too. Oh well. LOL

So sad that you had to suffer through the leftover pie alone! ROFL!!!

[cleanaturalady]

Jun. 16, 2009 at 1:58 PM

You are an evil, evil woman. Bwahahaha...