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The worst has to be over *with updates
- Jun 20, 2009 at 8:15 AM
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I have yet to write Chloe's birth story, I plan on getting to it. I haven't felt the urge to write really at all. The whole experience was okay but not much more. It was the end to several weeks of impatience and false starts and sleepless nights; so I thought.
I gave birth to Chloe on June 9th and left the hospital on the evening of the 11th. I was home for 3 days before waking one morning to a horrific fever, shaking, chills and upset stomach. I thought I might have some sort of infection so I monitored the fever from home. After 2 hours of watching my temperature go down to a low grade fever it spiked again and the shakes came back. So I called up the hospital where I delivered and asked if I could come in to be checked for an infection. They asked me a series of questions including if I had had any leg cramps. I answered that as a matter of fact, I had. They told me to come in immediately.
Two hours before my husband was supposed to be home from work, I finally called him and told him I needed to go to the hospital for an ultrasound on my legs and to have some bloodwork done. Something was very wrong and I was unable to stop the involuntary shaking from the fever and the headache that accompanied it was blinding. He reluctantly came home. I felt so bad; as he's missed so much work already and we aren't the position for him to be losing any more time off work.
We went to Miami Valley South through the ER since the MVH main campus was overwhelmed with patients. We were surprised to learn that MVHS's beds were also full to the max as well. We sat, impatiently in the rotunda silent. I could almost feel the resentment of having to leave work early emanating off him; I was uncomfortable- and at that very moment, pangs of guilt were crashing over me worse than the shakes could.
We finally get called back and after realizing that I was there with my newborn baby; they rushed me to an OB ER area and the nurse began work right away. They drew blood to check for infection and sent me away almost immediately to get an ultrasound. The ultrasound was hard to get through- it was very long, and I was unable to control the rigors at times and the tech had to stop and wait for them to subside. Finally a doctor came in and gave me a small dose of morphine so the rigors would stop and the tech could finish the u/s.
I went in for a chest XRAY, Pelvic XRAY, and CT Scan. When I finally got back in the room; I began to nurse my daughter and they came in and stopped me. They informed me I couldnt nurse her due to the medication I just had and, oh yeah- I had a blood clot in the deep vein of my leg. (Also known as a "DVT") I shook my head in disbelief and suddenly I was angry. I'd done everything right this pregnancy! I'd ate right, took my vitamins, saw a chiropractor, practiced natural pregnancy and birthing techniques.... WHY was this happening?! I didnt lay around the house and I exercised DAILY. It made no sense. I wasn't one of those people who were out there living irresponsibly shoveling whatever crap down my throat I could get my hands on; or recreationally doing drugs and whatnot. The anger still hasn't subsided.
They inform me they'll have to admit me. I cry myself to sleep and wait on an ambulance to come take me to the main campus a few miles away for re-admittance to the hospital. Chloe would not be allowed to come with me. Unenthusiastically, I told my husband goodbye and he left once the medic arrived-- and I was alone.
That night was the worst. I'd daze in and out of hallucinations; fight body chills and manage the rigors on an hourly basis through the night. More than anything in the world I didn't want to be alone, but there was no one to call who already didnt have their own responsibilities and obligations. I wouldn't burden someone else with coming up there only to know they were there because they felt they had to be; not because they wanted to be.
The next day dragged on forever. For unexplained reasons, the fever shakes and rigors were gone. I wanted to home the following night. Little did I know the doctors had other things thing mind. I learned this day that I'd have to inject myself daily a drug called Fragmin every morning, and follow a very strict medication oral medication schedule throughout the day. My husband brought my baby girl up to the hospital for 3 hours. I couldnt put her down. I called my kids and the sounds of their voices made me emotional; I missed my family.
The doctor informed me that he couldnt release me. He attempted to, [IMO] intimidate and scare me by telling me stories of how women die of DVTs and how they lose fingers and toes from minor cuts while on coumadin from bleeding excessively; etc. His final zinger would leave me restless and unable to sleep; short of exhaustion; people go to sleep and die in their sleep--- so it's important you follow my directions to the letter.
That night for the first time in my life, I'd request a sleeping pill.
I fought to be released- doctor by doctor- all the way to the head honcho. Finally, he believed I was competent enough to care for myself from home and follow directions and he ordered my discharge pending the results of my blood test to know exactly how much medication I'd need to take each day. That night, I was finally released.
People dont know what to say. Some say absolutely nothing at all which is just lovely. Some try to play down the situation and while it's a nice sentiment, it doesn't help much. Others, trying to scare me into taking the doctors' orders seriously recount stories of people they know who have died of DVT or complications thereof. I'm aware. We have two people in the family who have died of the same thing. I get it. I know I need to take care of myself; and I am doing what they say. I'm not going up and down the stairs in my house- no heavy lifting- 2 short walks per day. Take medication on time- go to the lab to have my blood drawn and see my family doctor afterwards. I have no problems following directions.
Surprisingly the hardest part is asking for help. I feel like I've burdened my family and in laws enough as it is, with watching my children while in the hospital. Now I need them to be around to 'babysit' me and the kids while my body finds the appropriate level of medication to treat the DVT. Its actually HARDER to follow directions with family and friends around because I can't just LET THEM do stuff like clean my house or fix my kids meals. Thats my job, afterall. It makes me feel lazy. If I can't be a mother, then what can I do? Lay around and watch everyone else pick up the slack?
I'm frustrated. I'm sad. I'm angry. Mostly, I'm scared. I just want all this to be over with. (and when I say that, I mean I want the clot gone and be back to normal)
A lot of other bad things happened this past two weeks; honestly too many to recount. The auction on the house is off (just had to mention that for good measure @@) I dont know what I did to piss off God, but whatever it was; I'm sorry.
Edit: Sun, June 21
Last night after having some shallow breathing, I realized that I needed to go get checked out for a PE. I went to MVHS and they took me right in and tested me right away. I didnt have a pulmonary embolism but my medication level was so high it had become toxic in my system. They told me to go home and not take ANY more blood thinners until Monday; we'd essentially have to readjust and try again. The coumadic/lovenox (fragmin) takes a little work to find out what is the right dosage is. Too little and it doesnt work- too much, and then I'm in this boat. To help me sleep they gave me Xanax. Holy Moly. Thats all I can say. I slept well last night.
Mon June 22
Called lactation expert at the hospital. Still allowed to breastfeed, however when I take anti anxiety medicine I need to supplement with formula as well. I'm happy I still get to breastfeed- its going really well. Had another blood draw today... they are changing the dosage again which I guess will be a normal thing until I find the right levels. I'll have a doc appointment tomorrow, then a blood draw the next day, then another appointment... yadda yadda....
Tue June 23/June 24th
Went to my doc apt. My INR was over 7- wowsers. They sent me straight to the hospital for vitamin K injections to reverse the effects of the coumadin so I wouldnt bleed to death. I stayed in there all afternoon and night. They released me today at 3:30. Now we start over. I wrote some letters to those near and dear; last night has so far been the scariest thing thats ever happened to me. I keep praying God for all this scary stuff to be over.
Comments:
Wow.. that's horrible. I hope you get back to feeling better soon! I will think happy healthy thoughts for you!! LET your family help -- I know it's hard, but right now you only need to worry about you -- let everyone else worry about the kids and the house and whatever else needs to be addressed. Keep us updated!
Wow. So sorry to hear. I am glad you are following the docs instructions. I know how you feel with making DH leave work early. We are in no position for my DH to be missing work so if there was something that I needed help with during my pregnancy I had to ask on of my kids to stay out of school to help me with my 2 yo while I was strapped getting monitored or getting an ultrasound once a week. I hope you get better soon. How long does it take for this thing to go away so you dont need so much help from the inlaws and such? Hopefully it will be sooner than later.
I feel for you. This brings back memories from when I was really sick a year ago in Dec and I did almost die because of the blood thinners I took because of my blood clot. Mine was in my arm and jugular. They had to take me off of the blood thinners and put a filter just outside of my heart to keep the blood clot from breaking off and going to my heart/lungs or brain. They also had to remove most of the clot. Hang in there and be soooo careful. You will get through it. Don't feel guilty for asking for help. They may not feel as "PUT OUT" as you think. And, if people are not wanting to help you then I will!!!!!!! Lots of hugs! Good Luck!
I am about to cry just thinking about having to be separated from a newborn - and this little one not being about to nurse. That must be the most horrible thing as a mom!! I'm so sorry....I hope all of this settles down soon and you can go back to a nice, quiet, *boring* life with all your little ones!!!
Peace and blessings to you!!
Wow! That doc is an asshole!!! Yes, clots are dangerous but treating you like you are a 5 year old is unprofessional at best. I went through a similar experience when I had my clot, hopitalized in a different hospital from my baby, all alone and wanting to be with my son. However, at least my doc treated me with respect. They let me stay on the maternity floor, they let me pump my milk, and my perinatalogist and pediatrician at the NICU told me that lovenox is fine to take while breastfeeding, as is coumadin-and my son was a 2 pound preemie. It sounds like they are full of crap. The bloodwork til they adjust the levels IS a big pain....be very careful about not getting prego again while you are on coumadin b/c it causes severe birth defects.(I am sure they told you that though!) I got tons of bloodwork done, and I have an inherited genetic mutation that causes my blood to clot faster than most people-pregnancy and surgery aggravate it, so now have to take low dose aspirin the rest of my life, and like I said before, daily lovenox during pregnancy and postpartum for 6 weeks...ugh! I really hope and pray your sitaution gets better mama! I can't imagine how you are coping with all of this mess! It will get better soon-it has to.p.s. don't give up breastfeeding yet. get a second opinion!
Praying for you!!!
Oh gosh Heather woman. I've been so busy writing a newsletter and sewing and not checking my cafemom... here i was imagining you all blissful and happy with new baby ... I think my page is also blocking your updates because i don't have flash player installed...
Dear God--how did I miss this journal?? I mean you've told me everything that you put in this journal but still!! Oh wait--I wonder if my computer is doing the same thing Heidi's is. How are you doing now?? Did they ever say why they think you got the clot to begin with?? This medicaion crap is scary!!!
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WOW! I am sorry all that happened to you! I hope you get well soon!!!
- MSugarKane
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