The most beautiful thing is Love... Dang it.

[vdecker]

I never thought I would be the type of woman to base part of my identity off of another person. Even when I met Donovan I clung to the idea that I was an independent woman: that my life and dreams and reality would always be separate and contained away from who I was when I was with him. Anyone who has ever truly been in love is already laughing at me, because they know that this is impossible. Part of being in love is letting yourself become changed by the one you love... Hopefully for the better, though I am sure we have all seen the worst at times...

Donovan did that for me: brought out the best in me. He showed me that I could be the person that I wanted to be, but that I didn't have to shut the world out to be that person. He inspired me in ways that I never wanted to be inspired - I hadn't gone looking for it for a reason, and I wasn't ready to change, but that didn't stop him. Within a week he told me that I was the woman he was going to marry, no matter how long he had to wait. I told him he was insane, but three days later he proposed, and for some strange reason I said yes. And though I have always prided myself on being an intelligent, forward thinking person, that one moment of spontaneity, of complete trust in a feeling that I didn't understand, changed my life forever.

And it was the smartest thing I have ever done.

Now that stubborn, independent girl who had a future that was so bright and so far away from the rest of the pack that no one could even see it, is a military housewife and mother who is struggling to balance her identity and sanity with the strength she knows she needs to survive her husband's deployment.

How on earth did I end up here?

I trusted myself. I don't do that very often, but I probably should try it a little more. Right now my world is spinning off in a million directions and the only thing that keeps me focused is knowing that my husband, the man who knew the first time he saw me (no matter how corny that may sound to anyone else) that he would love me forever, has faith enough in the person that I once was, and the person that I am trying to become, that I am going to make it through this.

But it certainly doesn't make it suck any less. I feel like half a person without him. Me: the stubborn woman who didn't want to open up for anyone can't even function without her husband. I am not the same bubbly, fun-loving, gotta-be-doing-something-every-second-of-the-day-or-I-may-just-explode person that I usually am. My house is a mess, my friends haven't seen or talked to me nearly as much as they usually do, and I find countless excuses to talk about Donovan in even the most random of conversations.

How the hell did this happen?

Damn love.