WORDS CAN HURT

[Jessie84313]

I've never really have had the best self esteem, Ever since I was a teenager I've never thought of myself as being pretty or even beautiful but as time went on I started to feel a little better about myself (Just a little). I've always have been short and I've had a problem with my weighed since I was about 10 years old. After my parents moved to Seaside I got huge. I never played outside i just sat in the house and watched TV all day until started school and even then I never participatedin sport of any kind and at recess I always talked to one of the teachers I never got out to run around and play like a normal kid. But threw out time things got better, I started running I went out for walks three or four times a day! Now its so bad that If i sit longer then an hour I get antsy and have to move around and do something if its cleaning the house or going for a walk I have to but and moving (It drives Andrew nuts). When I was pregnant with Tateum I walked every day almost a mile! I promised my self that after he was born I would drop the baby weight fast! I would walk with my baby ever day! Get a jogging stroller and start running again. Well sadly I had to have a C-Section with him and losing all that weight has been harder then I ever thought it would. Though I do walk just about every day and I don't just sit around and eat eat eat I can't seem to slim down like I would want. I know we all have little things in about ourselves we would like to change and my weight (And my boob size) is one of them. A while back a customer of mine at work gave me an exercise bike it hostely wasn't what I thought I was getting but I thought what the hell I'll give this a try. On days when its to cold or crappy out to take Tateum for a walk in the stroller I can put him down for a nap and use the bike. Well I haven't been keeping up with it as much as I should have. Every day He would ask me "Are you still using that bike" And i would answer trying to hid my anoyance "Yes I am!" Well just last week he asked me for the hundredth time if I was still using the bike and I said "Yep!" Well Instead of going back to his paper he say "Work on flatting that tummy!" I just kind of stood there not sure to cry or walk away or throw hot coffee on him. I just smiled and shook my head and turned away trying so hard to hold back the tears that where burning my eye lids. I went back and I told my manger what he had said to me. She was shocked and saw the hurt in my face (I guess I'm more readable then I thought) Any way word spread fast threw the shop about what was said to me. Soon my boss knew and as did everyone else who works there or comes in for a cup of coffee. This customer was confronted by my boss and was pretty much told watch what you say. Right away he denied ever saying anything like that...I could hear him say "I'm not an ass I would never say anything like that to a person!" Pretty much calling me a liar. He then told her that he would talk to me about it. Well I worked today and this person never showed up. When I walked into work today I went out front and greeted my favorite people. I was hugged kissed and told how much they had missed me. One of the guys there said "We all love you Jessie." Those words filled my heart with so much joy. Now I say this I know I may have a few extra pounds I need to get rid of, I know that maybe I should change how I eat and get out of there and do a little more exercise then what I am doing right now. But remember this my friends words hurt, words can hurt just like a slap just like a stab and just like slamming your finger with a hammer. I'm not writing this blog to get attention, I'm not writing it to start a pity party. If you know me really well you know that when some one hurts me I'm not the first one to say "Hey look you just hurt my feeling." You know I try to smile and us that as a mask so they can't see the tears I so want to cry. I laugh to stop me from yelling the words I want to yell and I walk away so I'm not surrounded by the bullshit they just threw. This whole thing happening though has really showed me who your real friends are and it has showed me that you don't have to be blood related to know you have a wonderful family looking out for you. So if you do read this my wonderful work family thank you for standing up for me and for loving me and the love handles I may have!

[Lb128f]

Jun. 25, 2009 at 4:13 AM

I'm sorry...words can hurt, bad. I'm glad you have the support of friends and co-workers. Good Luck.