Todays infidelity news..another marriage goes bust?

[HealthGal]

Here to join the Jon and Kate saga, comes another govenor admitting that he has been unfaithful.  Here's my dilemma.  As someone who has "weathered" (that's really a mild term) a 27 year marriage with highs and lows and teenager beavior that threatened to play mom againsta dad, I have always believed in the following parable:  If you feel the need or desire to be unfaithfl, then ask for a divorce and then do it- respect the vows of marriage.  I guess my problem is that I am beginning to realize that if the man or woman decides to honor that concept - they probably end up being faced with a -well, don;' leave - let's work it out - let's see a marriage counselor - let's stay together for the children - plee from the spouse.  so with my approach - maybe you don't get to leave quite so easily.  And therein may lie the problem.

So we're not REALLY saying - OK just respect the marriage enough to leave first and then seek out a new relationship.  What we're really saying is -have the integrity to tell me you're unhappy, and then let's try to work it out or save the marriage before you walk.  Sounds reasonable to me but we're being a bit hypocritical.  Because the reality is that some spouses just want out.  Some experts say we are living too long, these days, for marriages to last.  Other say, that if a spouse is really unhappy with his or her sex life - and the only alternative is to "seek elsewhere" - then do they do it "while married, discretely" or "with their spouse's permission" (which happens in some cultures) or do they walk -leaving inevitably sad and angry family members in their wake.  I don't think there's as easy an answer to this as I once did.  I know that for each couple there may be a "on size fits one" answer, that may not work for the next.  I do think we need to stop judging quite as much as we do - until we walk in the shoes of others.  I also know that these challenging and demoralizing times will probably seed... more infidelity.

[Pukalani]

Jun. 25, 2009 at 5:44 AM

I think it depends on the couple.  I know two couples right now dealing with the aftermath of infidelity.  One couple has decided to forgive and to try to weather the storm.  The other couple has filed for divorce.  Infidelity can be forgiven, but it is a very difficult thing to do and for some it is not something they are will to live with.  Wrong either way - no.