I was at my friend's baby shower today trying to have a good time despite the sun in my eyes, and the tired feeling I had. I baked her cake and decorated it for her and I was kind of disappointed no one wanted to eat it because they were already full. I was more worried about the money I had spent on the cake because my husband and I don't have alot. We are about to lose our second source of income, my unemployment check, and I spent alot of money on my friend's gifts and such for her baby  shower. I don't mind, and I still think I got away pretty cheap, but with needing things at the house, and my 1st anniversary tomorrow, I really could've used the money I spent. My friend really didn't tell me thank you, even though I know I'll get a card, and she even snapped at me a few times. This is how my day began, but not the reason I'm writing this journal.

After my friend was done opening her gifts, I recieved a phone call from my husband telling me that his grandma has decided not to pay for the roof she promised us when we moved into her house. I left the party and my head was steaming, because I was afraid this would happen. See, on Christmas Day last year, Matt's (my husband) grandma proposed that we buy her house from her because she could no longer take care of it by herself. We were living in a nice apartment at that time, with a pool and a fitness room for quite cheap, it just didn't have the room for our new addition, my daughter (we already have an 8 yr old son, and the apartment was 2 bedrooms). We definatley needed more room, and her house (4 bedrooms, 2 baths, dining area and living room) is perfect for us. The only thing is, it needs updates, bad, because it is 100 yrs old, and she never paid any good professional to do anything (right) in that house. It's ok because I hate moving and we planned on staying there for life. I wrote out the lease agreement, completely protecting us from getting booted because she might change her mind, or worse. Grandma, Matt and I, and his dad all signed this agreement in front of a notary, which I hope makes it legal. Sometimes I forget things, so I forgot to write a clause about the promise of the roof. I realize this was dumb, and legally there's nothing I can do about it.

Like I was saying, she decided NOT to pay for the roof anymore, and she left the roofing materials in the garage. Mind you, we are renting to own this house, under contract, for 75,000, or $500, plus$100 a month toward taxes, which is a good deal, even though some things about this house might have caused concern to a home inspector. That aside, the roof is not leaking, but is noticibly bubbled up and pieces of shingles are damaged in spots. The wood underneath is rotted, and it's a matter of time before it DOES start leaking. I called up his grandma to find out why she decided this and exactly how she feels about promises. She told me that all of the sudden the neighbor (she was going to pay him to do it for $500 and without a required permit), got scared to do the roof because of the possibility of falling off. She did not tell my husband this was the reason, which leads me to believe she is lying.

She moved in with my father in law and his wife and stepson. My father in law kicked both of his kids out on the street at 17 and 18 and told them to figure it out. Last year he (FIL) was not even talking to his mother for something stupid, resulting in his wife telling her to F*** off and calling her a bitch. Needless to say, Matt's father could never keep a steady job, raped Matt's own mother, and spends his money unwisely. He is charging Matt's grandma rent to stay with him because he can't seem to make his bills. So it goes like this, we pay our rent, on time, and that money goes into grandma's hands, then to his dad. Might I add they all bought newer cars and all kinds of other luxury items. This is the second car my FIL got himself in 2 years. His own business, right?

Last year at our wedding, my FIL offered to help my dad with the reception costs, then skipped out without doing so, leaving us with $50 and a card. Matt's grandma, gave us nothing. Time's are hard and I'm not money hungry, so I understood at the time. However, Matt's mom gave us $600 to have a small honeymoon. I was pregnant at my wedding, so we saved the money from our wedding for my pregnancy leave from work. Last Christmas we got a $25 gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond from him and his wife for the whole family. We nevercomplined because I baked all our parents cookies and gave them out as gifts because I was laid off before I was ready to leave, and my husband lost his job, and had just started another one making less money. Since then we have had just enough money to pay our bills and buy things like toilet paper and some food items.

Finally, the point I was getting at with the previous paragraph, is this year is getting worse and worse, and this month has been particularly bad. We got a nice tax refund in February,but we spent most of it on updating the rotten sink cabinet and adding cupboards to the kitchen and updating the dirty, scraped up kitchen floor (with dollar store sticky tiles), we tried to put money aside, but things came up as they often do. FIL's Birthday was June 2 and we got him a card and some lottery tickets he didn't scratch off in front of us. We did what we could and we thought it was enough and he would understand. Then Matt's stepbrother had a graduation party and we went, but we had nothing to give him. Not that the kid needs everything because he has more than us. Anything stepbrother wants, FIL, and his wife get him, while he leaves his own sons to fend for themselves. My husband's birthday came up on the 17th and I couldn't get him anything because we just don't have the money.  His dad invited us over at 6pm for dinner and cake. We get there at 6 and they are all finished eating, and they left us one hamburger and a few hotdogs to split between us. As a gift my husband got the same lottery tickets we gave his dad for his birthday, from his dad, and his grandma gave him a garage sale model car. We were more upset they didn't wait to eat with us, and left us garbage and leftovers.

As I end his story I would like you to know, that I'm not a disrespectful person, and I really love the elderly. I called his grandma up to find out why she wasn't doing the roof as promised and to ask her if we could keep the materials, so we could have it done and pay for labor ourselves. She yelled at me and told me no and she was taking the tiles back. I asked her what we did wrong to deserve this, and she insisted nothing while yelling at me and telling me it's her house and she can do what she wants. So I said take the materials, and maybe next year Matt and I will pay to get the roof done ourselves. She said we cannot get the roof done until the house is paid for and in our name. Well that's 12 years from now per our agreement and the roof could cave in or leak by then. She, again insisted that it won't when I can clearly see that there's not much life left. I have 2 kids, I'm not going to wait until the roof leaks and ruins my stuff, or worse, caves in, and we can no longer live under it. I told her that I was thinking of the welfare of my family and by then I was crying (because I'm overemotional). She told me I was acting like a two year old and to grow up, and realize that this is not my house. I replied, " This is where I live, though, and you made a promise. I take promises very seriously, and I sure didn't think that you would be the one who ripped me off." I never swore at her, or stooped to calling her names through this whole argument. Other than the fact that I was worried for my shelter situation and I was emotionally upset, I tried to remain cordial. She called me an ungrateful little bitch and said this conversation was over because I got the deal of a lifetime! Then FIL got on the phone and told me he was coming over on Wednesday to pick up the roofing materials, and if there was a padlock on the garage, he would cut it off. I told him it wouldn't be  necessary to do that, just knock on the door and I will open the garage for you, because we don't want to have to replace the padlock. He yelled at me and told me he would do what he wants, I said fine and hung up on him.

Then he called my husband, and told him he was mad that we didn't spend Father's Day with him, even though it was Matt's first father's day, we were expected to buy something, and we wanted to hang out at home. I believe that is our right, and after what my FIL did to Matt on his birthday, we just weren't interested. By the way, we never did mention our disappointment to FIL about the "gifts"  Matt got for his birthday from his father. We never complained, to FIL, and even during this fight, still declined to mention it, because I wasn't raised that way, and Matt just knows better. FIL threatened to take away the house and throw us, and his grandchildren on the streets. Matt toldhim if he did that, he would never see us again, and his dad said so be it. When I told my own dad this story, I had to restrain him from going out the door, to go to FIL's house and beating the shit out of him. My husband was crying, and I've never seen him do that before.

 We are legally protected under law and contract, and technically possession is 9/10ths of the law, not to mention that I put a clause in our agreement that automatically awards us the house if we pay for ANY home improvements (which we did) and should a dispute arise. The problem I'm having is, being Catholic and knowing that we serve the Lord and make sacrifices, do we call the cops on my father in law for breaking and entering when he comes to get the roofing materials, or, since they weren't ours (if she promised them to us they might be) to begin with,should we just let them have it? How would God see us if we let my FIL go to jail for breaking and entering?

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Jun. 28, 2009 at 2:36 AM

Well since you put the clause in the contract and you have lived there with those tiles there , and no one has made an attempt to retrieve them, you can get him for breaking and entering. I would. God expects the law of the land to be upheld and no where does he say let someone do soemthing illegal and get away with it. If it had been a stranger would you not call the police. I am not to sure that i would not contact housing since she wants to say she won't make home repairs. As the owner of the home she is responsible for all repairs, keep all your receipts for everything you do..

Now my next question is do you want to spend the rest of your life living like this?? they will come back regardless. Some people feed off drama and these are it...pray hard for them hun and protect yourself and your kids..

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Jun. 28, 2009 at 7:27 AM

I'm sorry about the Baby Shower. I hope your friend will let you know she really did appreciate your help.

As far as the "roofing materials"...if Gram paid for them, then make sure the lock is off the garage and let the FIL pick them up. You need not even be out there to see what he is doing...just let him get them and leave.

I think you handled the phone conversations well. I don't know if I could have been as nice about all that was going on. I'm sorry that the relationship has gotten bad...it sounds like your FIL is the one who promotes all the "bad' feelings for everyone. And, I'm sorry your DH was so hurt by what happened.

If there is any way you all can get a first time buyers home loan (through HUD)...you should. Getting out of that place would probably be the best thing you all could do (or paying her off in full)...even if it meant moving to an apartment. And, if you can't do that...then still contact HUD about home improvements and see what can be done...maybe they have a buyer's improvement program, maybe the home is old enough to be classified as a "Historic Home"...here's a link to HUD...check the restoration info...http://www.hud.gov/improvements/index.cfm

I hope you can find some help. And, I hope that things will work out somehow. Saying a prayer for you all.

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Jun. 28, 2009 at 2:19 PM

Thanks, and I appreciate the link

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Jun. 28, 2009 at 5:53 PM

If you cannot get out get renters or home owners insurance so if the roof goes your stuff is protected and you can get it replaced. I would get out of there. Find somewhere else to live the drama is not worth it. Good luck

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Jun. 28, 2009 at 8:12 PM


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Jun. 29, 2009 at 12:15 PM

If you are renters, and she wants to play that game, then as a land lord thier are rules she is obligated to follow. She can't pull shit like that! I would call the city or county housing authority & have the hbouse inspected! She will be required to have ALL of the items fixed @ her expense, this includes the roof.

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Jun. 29, 2009 at 12:32 PM

i am so sorry girl.  these ladies have some good advice.  i'd leave too...that sounds horrible.  sorry, i don't have any useful advice, i just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my prayers and i hope you find a happier, safer, and more beautiful home.  God Bless.

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Jun. 29, 2009 at 12:46 PM

If it is "her house and she can do what she wants" I'd let her keep it, it is a money pit, and MOVE.

The Bible covers ethical business practices as well as respecting your elders.

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Jun. 29, 2009 at 1:11 PM

I'm sorry.  I had the weekend from h3ll with my inlaws too!  Good luck.  just let them take the stuff and decide what you want to do from there.

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Jun. 29, 2009 at 1:12 PM

Sweety, I know that you feel like this is your home now....but as long as your FIL and Gram can they WILL control your every move in that house.  You and your hubby do not want to live that way....not to mention the fact that this is hard on you....imagine how hubby feels.  It's his family.....and appearently they LOVE drama!  Get your kids and your husband out of that lifestyle while you can.  I know times are tough and money is tight.....but rough it if you have to in an apartment until you can do something different.  You don't want those people causing hell and havoc in your life every chance they get for the next 12 years.  And as far as the roofing matierals......that needs to be a judgement call that your husband makes.  It's his father....(or so called father...cuz he isn't acting much like a father if you ask me)...so he needs to be the one to decide whether to call the cops or just let the man have the materials.  Personally, I wouldn't let any of them have ANYTHING.....until I made her eat the morgage along with the roofing material and roof (that she says isn't gonna cave in).  But that is just me.....  Good luck hon and I will be praying for you and your family.....good luck

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