6-30-09

[lilmama.4]

Last night I got a update again. I was so happy to get one. He went to the doctor and is now 9 lbs, and 21 1/2 in long.
He is also sleeping better at night now. Wakes every three hours to eat.
His cord from his belly fell off so he can take a bath in a baby bath now. And he loves taking a bath. He also loves his swing and bouncy seat. He went to the pool with them the other day and slept the whole time. He is doing so good, and growing so fast!
They also sent me a few pictures :)
I miss him so much, but it is good to see and hear that he is doing so well.
I am really fighting some depression, and I went to bed last night with dishes in the sink and the living room not picked up. I know something is wrong when I do that. I am so tired of being down, I just want to feel back to normal. How long till I do?
I know I will always miss him, but how long is this going to hurt like this? I just wish I could hold him again :( I just want to lay on my couch and do nothing....

I went to church this past Sunday. First time back since I gave birth. I was so so scared. I'm not sure of what I was afraid of, maybe questions and I start crying again. I do that so much right now. But it was so nice to go, and the kids were so happy to be back. Jeremiah is in the big boy class now (Kindergarten) But I felt so loved, and missed my family.
I really enjoyed hearing a message and it was speaking about kindness. The pastor played a video of a testimony from a woman from another country. She talked about how her mother did not want her and all her life told her that. How her father loved her so much but then passed away, and how she hated God for that. That she then lived a life style that was not pleasing to God, until she met this man how told her about Jesus.
She said in her message.... How could someone love me when I was garbage and make me a princess, Gods princess.
That is how I feel so much. Why does God love me? He knew the life I lived before I came back to Him, and He still blessed me with my amazing children. He knew I would not be perfect and forgives me every day. He blessed me again with Christian and faithfully has provided for us. He brought Christian's family and mine together. He gave me the honers to be his birthmom. He gave me the strength to be able to say good bye, and I know that He will heal this pain, He will fill me with joy again. Because I am His princess. And always will be.

[LittleLady0913]

Jun. 30, 2009 at 5:47 PM

Hi hun, I am so glad you got to hear how he was doing.

Stay strong

- LittleLady0913