Promises ~ Promises

[MotherInMyHeart]

Once I decided I was no longer going to be a comic and focus on building a family, I was lost. The years most people spend dating, getting married and having babies I'd spent performing comedy. I had to ask myself, what do "normal" people do on the weekends for entertainment? Being that I had performed stand up most weekends for 9 years, I was used to always being the entertainment.

I was ready to go out and meet the man of my dreams but where would I go? I felt I was too old to hit the club scene. I promised myself when I was in my early 20's that I wouldn't be the older lady at the bar (dressed to young for her age) trying to compete with 20 somethings for a man. So the club scene was out. Of course there were comedy clubs but after 9 years in these clubs...I didn't even want to hear the words "2 drink minimum!" Church? No, I go there for spiritual fulfillment not to lust after men dressed in their Sunday best, with their big bulging chests, strong muscular arms to hold me tight, ripped inner thighs that could crack a acorn in half, thick juicy kissable lips...oh...mmm...I digrese...sorry...where was I? Oh yeah-dating!

I had (unsuccessfully) dabbled with internet dating on and off while I was a comic. Why not try that? Ok...what the heck? There began my journey into the dark abyss of cyber dating. I dated younger men, older men, men my age. I dated rich men, middle classed men, men who couldn't find a nickle to put with two dimes. I dated men who lied to me so much and so bad that to this day I have yet to discover the truth. I dated men with whom I was so attracted that I'd lose sleep or spend hours day dreaming about our future together and who would inevitable leave me heart broken. I dated so many men and had so many weird, crazy outrageous stories that these stories eventually landed me on the Dr. Phil show (still yearning for a piece of the spotlight I guess). I was one of 3 women featured on his show whose topic was ~dating horror stories.~

Dr. Phil offered no tangible help for my dating woes. He basically blamed me for my dating problems due to the way I worded my ads. Stating that using words like "affection" and "fun" was like asking for sexual replies. Wow! So now it's my fault that men can take such innocent words and turn them into a sex act?? He scolded me for using the term "partner in crime" when referring to the type of friendship I wanted with my mate. Again stating that I was practically soliciting sex with such a statement. oookkkkaaaayyy...thanks Dr. Phil.

By now, a year had gone by and I was no closer to finding my other half than when I started. Not to mention that I had dated so much that I had 'first date fatigue.' I mean, I never knew so many men loved long walks on the beach and candle lit dinners in front of a fire place. (Of course these were just their words...none of my dates actually walked along the beach with me or served me dinner in front of a fireplace.) Besides, if you're sitting in front of a roaring fire, are the candles really necessary??

At 36 years old and completely single my biological clock no longer had a snooze button...the time was now. Never before had I felt the maternal itch kick in like it did at this point. I REALLY wanted to be a mother but I wanted to be a wife first. I began to face facts and the fact was I may not have control over when I meet my future husband but I can control when I become a mother. It was during this realization I made the promise to myself...if I was still single at 40, I would adopt a child.

[Mrs.Parker12]

Aug. 27, 2009 at 12:26 AM Blessings on your two little one's. It sounds like it was a long time coming. God has your husband, just wait on him.