So... time to be honest with myself and admit that this weight isn't coming off by itself.  It piled on due to me being afraid of moving too much after my COPD diagnosis and because of the medications I've had to take, but... I'm responsible for just sitting here and letting it happen.

I'm literally so fat now that I don't recognize myself.

You know how you have a mental image of yourself? Everyone does... usually when people look in the mirror, the mental image and the mirror image are at the very least pretty close.

Not me... my mental image of me is a lot better looking that what my mirror says, LOL. 

It's gotten so bad that:

  • My facial features are literally hidden by fat bulges
  • I have a belly "apron"
  • I have back titties
  • I'm ashamed to put up recent photos of me (my avatar pic is from 2 years ago before I was diagnosed)
  • I don't want to see people
  • My knees are fat.  Yep. Fat knees.
  • I'm losing my sense of humor about it (for those who know me, that's a big deal)
  • Can't play with my kids longer than a few minutes outside with an active game like volleyball or dodge ball or anythingball
  • My bones ache from carrying all this weight

So here's the deal.  I weight 275 lbs.  Yep, that's two hundred and seventy-five pounds.  That's like two and a half normal people crammed into my five foot two frame.

Not good.

Today starts my lifestyle change.  A few years ago I did this and had great motivation, stayed on track, and lost almost 40 lbs.  I've tried again a few times and wasn't able to maintain the same level of motivation but now... now I'm motivated.  I'm ready.  I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be within the normal scale, lol.  I want to look better, feel better, be healthier, more active, have more fun with my kids.

I'm desperate.

I'm tired of my ass hanging off the sides of the chairs I sit on.

I'm tired of having to have a table instead of a booth when we go out to eat because I don't freakin' FIT into a booth.

Hubby went out and bought me a bunch of fruits and veggies... I just got done cutting up carrot sticks and now I'm heading in to do the cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes and green peppers.  I'm making this as easy on me as possible by pre-cutting everything and sticking it in Tupperware containers so I have NO excuse for not grabbing a salad or some veggies when I want a snack, lol.

I'm going to exercise.  I googled "exercise for the morbidly obese" (sigh) and came up with a bunch of stuff I can do without killing myself, so that's a go.  And hubby is bringing in the exercise bike from the garage for me.  Even if I sit and slowly pedal for an hour it's more than I've been doing, lol.

I'm also looking into those exercise balls.  I hear if you just sit and balance on them you burn calories without even knowing it, lol.  If THAT's true, I should burn some great calories by rolling around on the thing, lol.  Plus it'll make my kids laugh, that's a bonus, lmao....

Tired of being fat, tired of being tired, tired of being out of shape.  I want ME back, dammit.  I want to see "pretty" when I look in the mirror.

So wish me luck... this is going to be a long, hard journey, but I know that if I just stick to it, I can do it.

Wish "stick-to-it-iveness" on me, k? LOL

Thanks for reading, lol...

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Comments:

CHEFR...
Jul. 1, 2009 at 7:19 PM

way to goclappingyou can do it, I could stand to loose a few pounds myself, I don't put a photo of myself on as my avator either, I have always been "heavy" or "big boned" or "curvy" is the word now, but I just had a scare a few days ago and decided to take better care of myself, I could not figure out for the life of me why I kept getting these headaches but these were not just any headaches, they felt like sinus headaces well finally on Friday I had  enough then I had a aha moment and thought maybe I should check my blood pressure but since I thought of it while driving to work I decided to wait until I got home well I was horrified when I did get home and checked it, it was high. It was like 187/120 so I had to take my meds in which I have not taken in some time as you can tell lol, so I got my ass chewed by my husband, dad, boss, kids, and a few customers go figure...........so if you need any help just ask me.....

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older
Jul. 1, 2009 at 7:20 PM

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DETERMINED, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!! BUT YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR EATING HABITS ALL TOGETHER OR ELSE, YOU WILL BECOME A YO-YO DIETER, WISHING YOU LOTS OF LUCK, BUT I AM CERTAIN YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

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CHEFR...
Jul. 1, 2009 at 7:21 PM

P.S. The first step to a heathier you is changing your photo on your page. I changed mine and I am on my page with two of my kids.....if I can do it you can do it.....

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mamap...
Jul. 1, 2009 at 7:25 PM

Thanks guys, I appreciate the support :)

I'm not going to change my avatar pic yet.. when i say I'm ashamed to post pics of me, I truly mean it, lol.  The pic I have up shows off my true personality, too, and that's what the net's all about.

I do plan on posting before and after pics after some of the weight comes off, though, in my journal, here.  When I grow some balls and get the courage, LOL.  It's not that I'm vain, per se... it's that I'm humiliated... I really do look nothing like "myself" anymore and it really hurts.

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mshai...
Jul. 1, 2009 at 9:15 PM

I'm behind you all the way Char!! I promise to nudge you into activity everyday! We can both be active together :).

I walked today. What did you do? I'll be asking and my computer has some of the Cool Blue stuff to tell if you're fibbing :).

Stay inspired!

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mamap...
Jul. 1, 2009 at 9:18 PM

LOL Michelle! That made me totally smile, lol!

So far I've done arm circles and stand-up-sit-downs in my chair... even that little bit actually pumped up my endorphins a bit :) I think I'm going to walk at night or early in the AM when it's cool out... I'm sensitive to heat and don't want to go all heat-strokey, lol.  AND, I have a bike, so I might go for late-night bike rides, too... see if I can outrun the mosquitoes, LOL!

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mom2q...
Jul. 6, 2009 at 11:46 PM

I just wrote a journal about my weight too. I am a fat mom, 273 pounds of me and I want to do something about it. Maybe we can helo eachother?!

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CarolP.
Jul. 8, 2009 at 2:04 AM

Keep your chin up!  Don't be so hard on yourself. I know what its like to feel like your in someone else's body and you don't know how to get back to yours.  I've tried all sorts of diets and plans.  Menopause hit me hard about 2 yrs ago and my metabolism went bye bye.  You won't catch me in a swimsuit or even shorts now (I've got the fat knee look too).  I guess I'm nutty but in the next few days I'll be sharing with all of you CafeMom ladies my weight loss journey with my "fat" pictures and all!  Look for my journal "Encouragement and Support needed" and follow my progress.  Don't give up on yourself.  That's what this site is all about, to support and encourage each other.  Just remember that to your child, you are the most beautiful gal to ever walk the earth!   

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Gavio...
Jul. 15, 2009 at 1:39 PM

YOU CAN DO IT... FOCUS

YOU have made your first step into loosing weight you realized that being over weight is not healthy for you, good luck keep me updated ok.

girl giving flower

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