So... time to be honest with myself and admit that this weight isn't coming off by itself. It piled on due to me being afraid of moving too much after my COPD diagnosis and because of the medications I've had to take, but... I'm responsible for just sitting here and letting it happen.
I'm literally so fat now that I don't recognize myself.
You know how you have a mental image of yourself? Everyone does... usually when people look in the mirror, the mental image and the mirror image are at the very least pretty close.
Not me... my mental image of me is a lot better looking that what my mirror says, LOL.
It's gotten so bad that:
- My facial features are literally hidden by fat bulges
- I have a belly "apron"
- I have back titties
- I'm ashamed to put up recent photos of me (my avatar pic is from 2 years ago before I was diagnosed)
- I don't want to see people
- My knees are fat. Yep. Fat knees.
- I'm losing my sense of humor about it (for those who know me, that's a big deal)
- Can't play with my kids longer than a few minutes outside with an active game like volleyball or dodge ball or anythingball
- My bones ache from carrying all this weight
So here's the deal. I weight 275 lbs. Yep, that's two hundred and seventy-five pounds. That's like two and a half normal people crammed into my five foot two frame.
Today starts my lifestyle change. A few years ago I did this and had great motivation, stayed on track, and lost almost 40 lbs. I've tried again a few times and wasn't able to maintain the same level of motivation but now... now I'm motivated. I'm ready. I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be within the normal scale, lol. I want to look better, feel better, be healthier, more active, have more fun with my kids.
I'm tired of my ass hanging off the sides of the chairs I sit on.
I'm tired of having to have a table instead of a booth when we go out to eat because I don't freakin' FIT into a booth.
Hubby went out and bought me a bunch of fruits and veggies... I just got done cutting up carrot sticks and now I'm heading in to do the cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes and green peppers. I'm making this as easy on me as possible by pre-cutting everything and sticking it in Tupperware containers so I have NO excuse for not grabbing a salad or some veggies when I want a snack, lol.
I'm going to exercise. I googled "exercise for the morbidly obese" (sigh) and came up with a bunch of stuff I can do without killing myself, so that's a go. And hubby is bringing in the exercise bike from the garage for me. Even if I sit and slowly pedal for an hour it's more than I've been doing, lol.
I'm also looking into those exercise balls. I hear if you just sit and balance on them you burn calories without even knowing it, lol. If THAT's true, I should burn some great calories by rolling around on the thing, lol. Plus it'll make my kids laugh, that's a bonus, lmao....
Tired of being fat, tired of being tired, tired of being out of shape. I want ME back, dammit. I want to see "pretty" when I look in the mirror.
So wish me luck... this is going to be a long, hard journey, but I know that if I just stick to it, I can do it.
Wish "stick-to-it-iveness" on me, k? LOL
Thanks for reading, lol...
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