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unhappy 30th birthday to me
- Jul 3, 2009 at 8:42 AM
- By
- Comments (6) Total Views (49) Everyone can see this journal post.
first of all, I apologize for any spelling/grammatical errors... I'm typing this through tears and can barely see the screen.
today is my 30th birthday. big fucking deal. my birthday has never been a big deal to me b/c it's on the July 4th weekend/festivities and no one ever celebrates with me b/c they are out of town, or with family at a bbq, or whatever. I'm always okay with that b/c I didn't pick my birthdate... and I know that is what people do this time of year - we are Americans and we celebrate that.
but today, just today, I was hoping, for once, that today would be special. I guess my expectations were far too high. I shouldn't be at all surprised, but I am. Some part of me thought that my DH of 5 years would make today special. it is, afterall, my 30th birthday. big fucking deal. apparently not.
I was hoping that this morning, for today - since DH doesn't have to go to work, that he would get up with the kids and let me sleep in; that he would make me breakfast; that he would tell him "happy birthday". nothing. I've gotten nothing. not a card, not a kiss, not even a good mood... yep, he's in a crappy mood again. no suprise there. he's always in a bad mood... and that's always my fault. (I picked a real winner, didn't I?)
my oldest got up at 6am, as always. I asked DH to take care of him so that I could sleep. he already knows I'm not sleeping well b/c my pregnancy is so uncomfortable. he gives me attitude. all he does is start a video and put my son in the play room, locking the gate. doesn't change him, feed him, give him a juice cup or anything.
when my youngest gets up, I usher both kids in to the bath room and start getting them undressed for their bath. DH decided he needs to poop. he's not really trying, he's just hiding so he can read his stupid fucking Star Wars book! I finally have to tell him to come to the bathroom to bathe the kids. of course, more attitude.
after the bath, he goes straight back to the toilet with that stupid fucking book. I get the kids dressed and get in the shower. as I'm getting out, he decides he's done - 30 fucking minutes later!!! I get dressed and get the kids their breakfast. I start feeding my oldest..... and DH walks to the front door and says "I'm going to the gym. See ya in 45 minutes."
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! no helping me with feeding my other son, no good morning, no happy birthday, no offer to make me breakfast. nothing! what a fucking asshole! and what a shitty start to my 30th birthday! I'm in tears... and maybe I shouldn't be b/c this is normal. I really hoped that today would be special. as usual, it's not and it's "just another day".
so I sit here, in tears... mad at myself for thinking, hoping, dreaming that today would some how be special. the only thing special about me are my kids... they have special needs that never take a day off. so today is just like every other day on the calander. I guess I should get used to that.
you know, I should have known.
Comments:
thank you!
I just read your avatar. My son has autism too. I have been down many roads with him. If you ever need someone to talk to that understands the struggles PM me.
First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!! I am sorry that you are having a bad start to your birthday! Trust me we have all had them!
I know it's rougher than normal because you are pregnant, but try to get a sitter and spend some time on yourself, whether it's getting coffee or taking a stroll at the mall or getting a mani/pedi.
Don't let someone else ruin your day, not matter who that person is. You earned the right to be happy and you are entitled to be happy, especially today!
Call a friend to share your day with or to sit for you...........
Once again.....HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY GIRL!
thank you both! :-) (CelticFaerie, I will send you a message tomorrow - thank you!)
Happy Birthday honey. Don't let him or anyone else ruin your birthday for you. When he comes home tell him you're taking the rest of the day off since it's a special birthday and he will be responsible for the kids for the rest of the day, then walk out of the house. Take a walk, go to the mall, to the library, the park, a coffee shop, a bookstore you can sit in and relax. Just do whatever you want for the day and let him deal with everything else. You deserve it. Happy Birthday.
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Oh sweetie. Don't cry. Don't let a man or anyone ruin YOUR day. I know it is hard with kids and being pregnant. I was 2 weeks away from giving birth to my 2nd on my 30th birthday.
Tell your kids that it is your birthday and you want the day to be special. Give yourself permission to have fun. Watch a favorite video with them, play a game, go out in nature, finger paint. Walk through a sprinkler, make cupcakes and eat them before dinner! You choose what you want to eat too!
Call a girlfriend that makes you laugh. Then after they are in bed tonight light a candle, take a warm bath ( lock the door if you have to )Paint your toenails a pretty color if you can still reach them. Curl up with a good book or a chick flick.
As for your husband, Look him in the eye and say this is a milestone birthday for me. Most women would expect to be pampered especially when they are pregnant. Since you have made no mention of it, I am going to celebrate it all day my way. I will NOT allow you to ruin MY day. Then smile and go about your celebrating.
Star Wars and video games? Sounds like my 12 year old son not a grown man. I am so sorry that you have to do everything yourself. That is so unfair. Let us know what you decided to do to celebrate YOU!