He doesn't understand!

[Kenre]

I know it's a common question that people ask when greeting others: "How are you doing today?"

The problem is that SS doesn't understand the word "how." He definately doesn't understand the whole question either. It's one of his communication delays we've been working on.

So, when the store clerk asked him "How are you doing?" He totally ignored her. He didn't even realize she was talking to him. She repeated it, only this time adding, "Little guy" at the end. He told her back, "I got a light saber!" the toy we were buying him at the time. She said, "Wow! That is so cool. How are you doing, though? You excited?"

Three times... three times she repeated the same question. He said the exact thing he had told her back, "I got a light saber." I jumped in (I was signing to DS to stay in his seat and be good). "He doesn't understand your question. He is excited, though, to be getting his reward for being a big boy." I then hugged SS to let him know I was complimenting his potty training going so well lately (why we were buying the light saber for him.)

"Oh, so you earned the toy then?" she asked him. He again repeated, "I got a light saber."

I almost felt like bashing my head into the counter... or hers into the register. Thankfully DS decided it was that time to try to escape the cart for his toy and DH paid quickly to usher us out of the store.

I made sure SS understood how proud we were of him for being a big boy. We opened the toy for the ride to our house. DS fell asleep. DH fell asleep. I drove the 2 hours home from the store (the only store that sold the stupid thing) while SS played with the toy in the back quietly.

The whole time I'm thinking to myself: Why repeat the same question so many times if you're not getting an answer? I understand that SS was "rude" for not answering back "Fine" or whatever generic answer there is... but he doesn't understand that... he repeated the same thing over and over again to her as well... does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that maybe he isn't your typical 5 year old?

Anyway, I cried when I got home and DH took the kids to help work at MIL's homestead. I cried because we have come so far with SS, and yet a simple question that everyone uses everyday still eludes him. I cried because that woman brought it to the surface that no matter how many things we accomplish (such as his potty training finally) we have so much more to do with him. I cried because I actually didn't want to explain it to someone again that he's special needs... we were celebrating, not bringing the problems to the surface... I cried myself to sleep.

Tags: autism, communication, celebration, defeat, question

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[momneedscoffee]

Jul. 4, 2009 at 11:35 AM

  Hugs to you.  Some people just don't understand.  I would think it would have been obvious...not to keep asking the question???  And they say the children with Autism have no "social skills"???  But, then again...thinking about the flip side to this...maybe she did as well??  Maybe that is why she did not understand to stop asking when your SS wasn't giving the "expected" answer.  I know...I'm giving the lady the benefit of the doubt here.  I just hate to see that the whole situation upset you so much!

[brigittel]

Jul. 4, 2009 at 10:36 PM

Honey Im so sorry you had to deal with that..Its times like this you just take a deep breath and find that innerstrength.