New fiance before we are even divorced

[lmsar]

 I posted this in a couple of my groups so forgive me if you've already read this...

 My husband and I were definitely finished the day he busted my windows out of my car and ripped parts out of my engine back in May. He already has a new girlfriend which he made his fiance last night. We are not even divorced and they haven't been together but about a month or two. But who can really be sure. He makes me sick. When I was with him it took him months to say I love you and it took some convincing for him to agree to marriage. He never wanted children, he doesn't like them. His fiance has 2 children, we have a son with special needs and he never calls to see how he's doing or to say he wants to see him. He is living with this bitch and caring for her children when I couldn't even get him to lift a finger to help me with our son back when he was a typically developing child (long story). I'm completely pissed. He wants a dissolution now, when he "was the one trying to make our marriage work", b/c he "loved me." But he expects me to pay for it when the only income I have is my sons SSI, which I refuse to use on OUR divorce. He doesn't have a job and is pissed at me b/c child support is already on him before we even get the divorce process started, saying it's a post-divorce arrangement not pre-divorce. I don't even know what I expect to get out of writing this but I was hoping it would make me feel better, but I don't yet:(

Tags: stbx, new fiance, ugh

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[joyfulmom30]

Jul. 4, 2009 at 7:56 AM

 Sorry to hear your dh is such a pain. There are some people, and this is NO excuse for your dh's behavior with your son, that have a really hard time relating to special needs children or difficult situtions connected with raising a special needs child. It's hard raising a child that is different, but they are special and unique in their own way. As for your dh, stand your ground. Since you are getting SSI, the government, if they knew, would not look too favorably on the money being used for things not related to your child's care, so keep your current stand and use the SSI money only on things related to your child. Yes, a divorce does affect your child, but it's not directly related to your child's care or relationship with you as a couple. I'm sorry your dh doesn't understand that.

[.Peaches.]

Jul. 4, 2009 at 4:58 PM

Well, there's not much you can do about your husband being with another woman, or planning to marry her. Don't waste your energy on it, he's not worth it.

I mean, why sit and wonder why your relationship with him is and was so difficult, and its not with her? Its not going to change anything, and its not even like you want him back. Don't waste the energy. He'll get what he deserves eventually.

If your husband wants a divorce so bad, then let HIM pay for it. I wouldn't waste another second thinking about his feelings. He obviously doesn't think about yours.

You can't force your husband to be in your sons life....and who would even want to? I'm just the type of person who would rather do it alone (and I did for 3 years with both of my DD's) than force someone who didn't want to be there on my children. My ex-husband, for some unknown reason, finally came around and started being there for his daughter's....but I sure as hell wasn't going to run behind him and constantly call him about it. And my exhusband was was on child support before we got divorced too...think I cared about his feelings?

Hell no. I didn't make these children by myself, so I wasn't going to support them financially by myself.

[emslala]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:31 AM

What a dildo. Sounds like you and your son both are better off without him!! Stick to your guns. Good luck, mama!!

[jjnaaucoin]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 8:18 AM

Just wants to get under your skin...and it is working...Hold your head high and take deep breathes...You are better off without him and he knows it, someone has to take care of him though. Look at it this way, she made it easier for you to get away. Does he think your son's needs just stopped until the divorce? And child support and divorce are 2 different things. Anyway, thank you lucky stars you lost an abuser that easy...

[sweetpea532]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:03 AM

my mother would say you are so lucky to be without him. let someone else deal with his crap. the only thing you can do now is be the best parent you can be.

[rebl_roze]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:41 PM

If he wants a divorce so bad, let him do it. Let him pay and when he files, make sure you have child support written in to it. Just cause you get a divorce doesnt mean his obligation to HIS child stops. Some men are such douche bags! Let this new woman deal with his childish behavior...you are much better off without him. Make a life for you and your child...and you will be so much better for it. Best wishes momma.....have a great life without the leech!

[Willywonka06]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:47 PM

yeah I bet his new wife won't last long..he will just move on to another. He sounds very immature and lame. Do not let him get to you too much and don't show him that your upset, do the exact opposite, your little boy needs you and you need him.

[pebbleschild]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:57 PM

I agree with everyone else, the same way the other woman got him is the same way she is going to lose him.  Let him file the divorce and you get your child support.  He's either going to go to jail or get a job and have no choice but to pay you to help take care of your son.  I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. enjoy the time you have with your son and live good.  Leave your husband alone.

[Pipersmom2006]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:58 PM

My sister went thru something like this. She was airforce, & each time she went away 4 basic, her hubby would hop on some other B**** while sis was gone. He'd ignore their daughter who's autistic (he later told her he'd been using when she wasn't around--we can't help but wonder if her autism wasn't "chemically induced" by his habit that no one knew he had), & couldn't b bothered 2 do really the most basic of things half the time. Then when they had their son, HE was diagnosed w/ full-blown autism; it broke her heart, along w/ the knowledge that he was using again. We have NO family history of this illness, & they cannot find ANY other reason 2 explain the kids's problems. He was l8r diagnosed w/ some mental problems of his own & every time she tried 2 get away he'd pull some "pity crap"\ like half-ass attempting 2 take his life. I'm not making light of suicide, but if ur TRULY trying 2 do it, u DON"T stop cutting, & u DON"T go across the wrists! He didn't even get 1 stitch!!! Now he DID tell her he was going 2 swallow pills, & locked himself in the bathroom & downed an entire bottle of prescription Motrin plus! Got his stomach pumped 4 that 1, & hospitalization. She told them 2 keep him; they released him "into her care" & she refused 2 b responsible 4 him. She tried 2 b a good ex-wife & let him stay in the extra room in HER house that SHE bought (he wouldn't hold a job 4 more than a m) rent-free until he could get on his feet, DIDN'T file 4 child support, let him have the van so he'd have somewhere to live when she finally had 2 "evict" him, didn't restrict his access 2 the kids except 2 make him come 2 HER house 2 visit since he was living out of the van. She drew the line when he choked their son & slapped their girl b/c "they wouldn't shut up!". They're autistic!!! They get over-stimulated, & more than likely when the oldest child saw her father choking her little brother, she reacted quite predictably. So, no more visits after that. She brought his sorry butt back up here 4 his family...only 2 have them say he was HER problem; NOT EVEN!!!! So, he'd lost his $17m apt in crackville, refused 2 take his meds, & couldn't figure out "why every1 was sh****** on me". I don't mean 2 sound rude, but u DON"T want 2 b here!!!! It's hard now, but ur LUCKY!!!!!!

[FDNYwife]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 1:06 PM

I have a feeling his relationship with this new girl will be short lived.  Sounds like the excitement of a new relationship  thats it. IMO Silly for him to jump right in again.  I wouldnt lift a finger for him, or put a penny towards anything you dont want.  Good luck!