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Please vote popular
- Jul 4, 2009 at 8:21 AM
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- Comments (13) Total Views (511) Everyone can see this journal post.
About a week or so ago I wrote a journal about my mother where I was very upset with her because she shoplifted and I thought that she was back to her old habits or smoking crack. I feel like such a fool. Not because I was wrong cause she did steal but this past Sunday I got a call from her husband saying that she had an aneurysm! She had to be life flighted to another hospital in order to get treatment. It burst in her head on Monday and while going in her brain trying to repair it they found another one!!! She has tubes all in her body and a hole in her head. Worst of all she keeps bleeding and they don't know how to stop it they just keep draining it. I was so mean to her. So so mean my sisters where too. And while I have told her that I was so sorry for being cold to her and how much i loved her i keep thinking that I am going to lose her and the only thing that she will be thinking is how mad i was at her. i am not ready to lose my mother. and my grandmother has a bad heart. she already lost one child and her youngest one has kidney failure. this thing with my mother is going to kill her for sure. I cant go thur that i cant lose two important women in my life at one time i dont think that i am strong enough that would make me the oldest and i would have to carry on all the traditions but i cant. i just cant . i dont want to lose my mother please could anybody somebody just pray for me pray for her please. her name is Debra. and she is my everything.
Comments:
My mom had her " little ways " too. She passed Thursday before last. She was my step-mom, my Daddy's widow. She was my mom that was my friend. We were rather estranged in the end of her life & to me it will always be a mystery as to why. I was mean in my thoughts toward her. I should have been a bigger person & picked up the phone after our last fall-out, but I did not. Her death was unexpected. I can understand your mindset & I know how you are feeling.
In March of 06 out of the blue my Father was told in an ER that he had stage 4 Leukemia. In May 06 he was dead. We stood around his bedside as his life support was turned off. { THAT wasn't suppose to happen, those last three days of his life were suppose to NEVER have happened, it was his last wish that it NEVER happen. The hospital had lost his DNR ! } I watched my Grandmother bury her son. I watched her lean over & kiss him good-bye saying, " Good-bye my Sweetheart." Two strapping, strong, capable Marines were standing each side her wheelchair. She motioned & gestured to them that she did not want their assistance. I watched her, none of us touched her through the whole experience of her standing up & leaning over to kiss good-bye & send her only son away forever.
My brother, my first baby, 14 years my junior was one of those Marines. 10 days later I held my Daddy's widow as she dropped to the ground. My brother was deployed to Iraq.
In April of 08 I held my Grand-mother, my Daddy's mom in my arms as she slipped away peacefully joining him. Now Mom is with them.
My son & I have no parents or grand-parents on my paternal side of family anymore. All that was there has simply vanished within a period of a few years. To me it feels as if it happened all in the same moment. I have learned we can not plan death, that is why the word acceptance is often used in my opinion.
I believe that no matter what happens or when, you can & will make it. I have prayed for your mom Debra & for you writing this reply.
" Lord Jesus I just ask that this woman be blessed with your strength, protection, love & comfort. Please keep her mother Debra safe as she is cared for in a hospital. Please know how much we thank you for your grace & by your grace only, we know that our blessings are truly a gift from you. Thank you for standing by our sides, when so often we leave yours. Thank you for loving us & letting us know that even in what seems to be the world's darkest moments in our physical life, we are never alone. Thank you for your promise to never forsake us even during the times we do not understand your will. Thank you for the times that you hold us up & lead us to stand with faith against our grief in such confusing times during our life here on earth. - Amen."
I am so sorry you are going through such multiple incidents that bring grief. You can contact me at any time. You can make it. I shared what I did with you about my family & last few years to let you know you CAN do it. Even during ALL of the times you think you won't.
I just look at it like this. We have to, we are moms just like them. We are parents, just like them. I continue in their memory & try to make decisions that they would be proud of. Stand on your faith. I found strengths in me that I did not know existed during the multiple losses we have suffered in our family.
Who would have ever thought I would be typing that latter sentence above. I know exactly how you feel.
God bless you & keep you & your family in his arms.......Mechelle.
Saying many prayers for your Mom & you- I hope that they find a way to stop the bleeding and she will pull through this- Please don't be so hard on yourself- I'm sure your mom knows you were just very angry & upset over the shoplifting- She also knows how much you Love her! Take Care of yourself-
God bless you and your Whole family.
Thank you all so very much.
Bump..I voted popular
No matter what she's done, she's still your mama and no one can fault you for loving her or for being upset thinking she had gone back to her old ways. I know that's not the last thing you want her to remember though. I'm sorry you're going through this and want you to know that I'm praying for your mom and you. Just remember, God is a God of forgiveness ;-)
All sweetie i hope everything gets better for you and your family.God bless and i'll be praying for you.
Saying a prayer for Debra (and you).
sending a prayer for you and your mom..just remember god is good and even though we dont realize it he never gives us more than we can handle.
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This Washington state mom of six loves how CafeMom members are always there for each other - and she has some "helpful" career plans of her own!
Please do not beat yourself up. Your mom apparently from what you are saying has been a crack addict and you are bound to have a right to some negative feelings and when somsone is doing oldbehaviours it is HUMAN to be angry, cold, etc towards that person. Just because she is now soo terribly ill does not change what you were mad with her about. Just try to love her now as much as you can. are you in an alanon group or other support group for the loved ones of addicts/alocholics? if not i suggest you hit a few meetings now to help deal with all these feelings. you are not alone you know.
I am so sorry for the pain you and your family has and is going through. I hope your mom gets better for as long as there is life there is hope of healing.
- sati769leigh
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