Whats happening now

[JoJo1990]

 

Man oh man. You wont believe it. Idk if you have followed the story on my daughter but shes 18, ran away at 17, got hooked on drugs and cut us completely out of her life at 18. Well shes here!! right now! I have hugged her and squeezed her and done word searches with her, she went to the lake with us and rode jet skies with me went to dinner and had stew with us and slept here for2 nights and apologized to me this morning for being disrespectful and shes sober and wants to start spending some time with us and go to church with us sometimes. Why? is the first question I asked her... well her fiance went to jail last month, and they are in agreement that they would like to try to get their acts together again. So she wants to start while hes in ( he gets out in august)  and we are the only people she knows who live clean lives and and she wants to try to stay away from some of the old bad influences. OK, so I'm pretty sure shes not really gonna stay clean this time and when he gets out they will try for a while and then slip and get sucked back in. I don't think this cuz I don't trust God but because I really don't think shes hit her bottom yet. You know that realization that you cant do ANYTHING without God. She still is trying to do it on her on strength. I think that the realization of our inability to control our own human will is a real hard lesson that is only learned through grace and the holy spirits refining fire. Anyway she has been told that she must follow all our rules, be aware that she is setting an example for her little brother and go to church. If at anytime she puts her brothers or any famiys members well being at risk then she will be asked to leave. Its just a first step, but one small step forward sure is better than steps back. Shes clean, shes finally eating, she sleeps, and has began to inquire about getting her GED so she can get a job. I ache cuz I love her so much, I ache cuz I'm so happy to get to have this time with her, I ache cuz it probably wont last this time, I ache cuz i know that someday it will. God is so faithful. And That week that I chose to not speak, I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself. It really changed the way my husband sees me, and my family sees me, the way i see myself and my role in this family, the way I God and those around me! Its all pretty awesome! BUT....after all the pain and devastation of the last few years I cant help but hear that small nagging voice that says " It wont last, none of its real, its only temporary she is just lying to you, your husband is just taking advantage you and by next week they will all rip your heart out, step on it and kick you to the curb again." This has been my experience... I seek God, ask him what I need to do, usually it consists of humility or giving or selflessness or something like that. My family (usually my dh) recognizes it, appreciates it, and then when it comes to their, or his time to do the right  thing or his part, nope it doesn't happen. He pulls away gets mean and makes it clear that I should not expect anything from him ( like emotional support, family time, intimacy, leadership). I'm always wondering if I'm just fooling my self by staying. Am I being stupid to believe anything will ever change?  I mean is this faith in God or stupid co-dependancy that keeps me here? 19 years, most of it not so good. Is it even worth it for me try so hard to change and line up with Gods instructions for women if my husband doesn't want to change anything about himself. I know I become who God wants me to through his power and influence, But I will never be able to do and be who my husband expects me to be, the humble, respectful, soft wife while carrying all the responsibilities and burdens of the head of the house. Its just not possible, its not how God intended it to be.

[tginn20]

Jul. 4, 2009 at 7:19 PM

You and your family are in my prayers! God Bless!

[Lb128f]

Jul. 4, 2009 at 8:26 PM

Good Luck!! I will be saying a prayer for you all. Please get her into some type of NA program...she should be attending meetings DAILY now!

[TheMom0217]

Jul. 11, 2009 at 3:01 PM

Cherish this time with your daughter but do talk to her about making these changes permanent. August will come too soon and, although it would be a terrible idea to speak poorly of her fiance, try to make it clear to her that this is THE BEST way for her to live her life and it's unacceptable any other way because you love her so much. Hopefully they will put their relationship on hold and work through their challenges separately because together they are too weak. Good luck to you and God bless your entire family. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you the best.