Am I only partially a mother???

[Mama_Tuscano]

Hi. My name is Josephine, and I am a retired U.S. Marine. 

I was in Big Brothers Big Sisters where I met a great, but troubled, kid named Julie. She was still legally her biological mother's, but was bouncing between family members. I also met her twin Jessyka, who was about to be placed in foster care. Julie went into a group home in town, and Jessyka went into across the country with her foster family. I stayed in touch with her, and was still seeing Julie on a regular basis. Eventually, the twins both came into foster care with me.

Until then, they were bounced between family members, group homes, and foster parents because their drug addicted mother would not give up custody, and the courts could not provide sufficient proof. Their biological mother didn't care where they were, as long as they were still legally hers.

Since they have been in my life, they have become responsible adults with children of their own, they enjoy that they have 2 moms, and their biological mother has been better to them. All are happy.

I was their foster mother for several years, they just refer to me as their adoptive mother, and I refer to them as my adopted children. I could not legally adopt them because I was active duty military.

They call their biological mother Mom, and call me Ma. Their mother even considers me to be their 2nd mother. I treat her with respect, and make sure she knows that I know she is first. But when my girls need help/advice/etc, they turn to me. Mom is emotional drama, and I am logical and calm.

My family does not acknowledge that they're my kids, my parents think that I pick up strays, just like how I now foster dogs, and sometimes later adopt them.

Many people feel the same way, that they are not my kids because I don't have a piece of paper. It's is very hurtful.

[baileymomma123]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:09 PM

I believe that if you put  nuturing, love ,money ,time, work, into raising those children that rightfully makes you their mother

[vvlinley21]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:28 PM

Partially a mother?  No way.  You are a mother! 100%!!!!!! any woman can give birth to a child but it takes a special woman to Maybe after just saying adoptive mother and adoptive kids has just put you all into a category that you dont particularly like its just out of habit to say now.. and with the biological mom being involved it makes it all harder because to the world thats their mom.  To you, and to them I am sure you are their true mother.  DOn't you dare belittle yourself because of what other people say or think!!  You did the work you deserve the credit. So be proud and just remember if people havent been in your situation they may just never realize how it feels or how things actually are!! Good luck to you you sound awesome girl!!

[vvlinley21]

Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:30 PM

but it takes a special woman to love, care for, and provide to that child** sometimes the two dont come together these days.  (edit) ;)

[mama4Christ361]

Jul. 6, 2009 at 11:19 AM

Babe, you are a mother in my book. You may not have squeezed them out of you hootie, but you DEFINITELY squeezed them and other children into your heart and there they have stayed. That is more than a LOT of "real" mothers do nowadays. Thank you for your service to this country and for your service to the children and the love you showed them. You are a hero in so many ways.

[cindylu1961]

Jul. 16, 2009 at 12:42 PM

As a biological mother of twins daughters, mother of 3 daughters and adopted mother of an 8 year old daughter I have experienced all three sides of the adoption triad. I understand your pain of not having being recognized as the mother of your foster children.  When I found my birthdaughters and made contact my mother refused to recognize them as my birthdaughters and would never let me show pictures or talk about them.  That made the pain of loosing them when I was so young come alive again.  However, I may be their birthmother but never would I consider myself to be their true mother.  Only a mother who is there for the good, bad, sick, health, school, dating, broken heart times can truly be a real 100% mother.  You should be proud of what you did and not let your family define who you are as their mother.