How do I tell my husband?

[robin1953]

I just found out that oldest son and his girlfriend eloped last month. They told my oldest daughter two weeks ago and asked her not to tell us. What a horrible burden. How dare they do that to her. 

 I asked her tonight how they were doing, as she talks with them, and I knew she has been really upset about something to do with them and not hanging out with them much any more. . I asked if the girl was pregnate. No. "They got married, didn't they?" I asked. She just nodded.

How am I going to tell my husband/his father when he gets home tonight? How self-centered. First they mooch off us for almost a year and then they elope. My chest hurts. My stomach is torn up. How am I going to tell my husband? How will I tell my in-laws? They are 80 years old. Mike is the first grandkid to marry. How dare he disrespect them like this. They just don't care about anyone. Julie said she just sobbed when they told her. We are so hurt.

How am I going to tell my husband? It is going to hurt him so much. We have one son in a mental hospital and this now-married son. We will never witness any of our sons' weddings. My husband is going to be so hurt. How dare Mike do this to him. My husband has been a wonderful father to Michael. How could he do this? What a bastard. I think I am feeling even more betrayed by Hali, the girl. She knew what this would do to us. She may be married to my son, but she is not my daughter-in-law. Oh, my God, what if they have children? Will we meet the kids when they are teens or something? How could they hide this from us? Especially from my husband. I understand my son not telling me as he and I have had our problems, but his dad has always been there for him. What a son of a bitch.

[babymomma0306]

Jul. 6, 2009 at 11:56 PM

that's wrong on so many levals.

[robin1953]

Jul. 7, 2009 at 1:52 AM

My bestest friend just spent almost an hour talking with me on the phone about all this. She told me I had to accept it, and not alienate them. She said we should give them a reception. When my hubby got home, my daughter and I told him together, and my hubby wasn't surprised. He's hurt and not happy about it, but not surprised. He says if Mike tells us he's married, then we could offer to do the reception. He and my bestest are much better people than I am. I'd just like to slap Michael and never talk with Hali again. I guess I'll be eating a lot of crow, huh?

(Original Poster)

[sweetgrlangel]

Jul. 7, 2009 at 2:33 AM

I would suggest that when he does get the nerves to tell you guys, you should ask (in a nice mannor) why he just didn't tell you in the first place.  Maybe there is a reason behind not telling you like the fear of rejection or the fear of what you would and will say to him.  There can be many reason behind what he did.  He might not of told your husband because of the issues you 2 have and he knew his father would tell you and didn't issues/drama.  He very well could be extremely happy with this girl and wanted it to be just between the 2 of them.  You never know until you ask.  But I do suggest when he tells you he is married and doing it in a respectiful way.  Just coming from another youngen  I dont know how hold your son is but I actually plan on doing the same thing later in the month with my boyfriend.  But I have been married once to a horrible man and don't want the whole wedding thing.

[MSugarKane]

Jul. 7, 2009 at 8:25 AM

Weddings are extremely expensive.  In eloping he did your pocketbook at BIG favor.  Since he made this life long decision himself the best you can do is accept it and move on from here. You really do want good communications between him and the new wife because grandchildren will follow within the next 5 or so years.  You will want contact to bond with them.  Good luck, try to see the good points of what he did EVEN though he shouldn't have done what he did do.

[cloudofdreams]

Jul. 9, 2009 at 9:32 AM

Robin, If you close the door on your son and he does make you a grandma you will NEVER see the grandchildren. I wouldn't not alienate him. My daughter has hurt me in so many ways and I just bite my tongue and move on. Yes if she gets mad I don't get to see my 5 grandsons, it sad. I hope he does come and tell you and your hubby. I get the sense he knows you don't like the gal he married and that is why he is not telling you. Good Luck 

[robin1953]

Jul. 9, 2009 at 12:39 PM

I adore the girl he married.  He's not telling us because he knows he hurt us so he doesn't want to face that. We are willing to go on from here but we want Mike to tell us he's married. We just can't believe he did this, knowing he swore he wouldn't. Oh, well. I guess that''s why God made tomorrow's. Another day to redo/rejoice/go on. I have a friend who is 86 years old whose daughter eloped about 40 years ago. She says it still hurts like it was yesterday. They just never talk about it. She now has great-grandkids and is close to everyone. I have to try to be like her. Damn, it's not fair. Even if you elope, tell your parents. Yes, it is your wedding and your life and your dreams, but parents have hopes and dreams. too. Don't shatter them.

(Original Poster)