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Photographs
- Jul 9, 2009 at 9:36 AM
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- Comments (20) Total Views (494) Everyone can see this journal post.
Last night I found some pictures from eight years ago, when my husband and I were first living together in South Carolina. The first thing that struck me was:
Holy crap! I was so thin!
I didn't think so at the time, of course. I had a poochy tummy from my love affair with beer. But I also had a slender waist, and my bosom was within reasonable parameters, and I generally looked hot. Funny now I see how good I really looked then, but at the time I bemoaned how fat I thought I was.
My husband was thinner too. Men plump out when they get married to women who cook, I think. Well a lot of people put on weight with stress too and heavens knows we've had our share of that, and it affected both of us in the girth department.
The other thing that hit me about those pictures was how happy we looked. We were in love and all that stuff. We were young and even though our relationship was already tumultuous, we had copious amounts of energy for make-up activities. We've never really had a good, stress-free, happy phase in our marriage; things were wonky from the start, beginning with my back surgery and the loss of our jobs (Honda really doesn't give a hoot about its employees at all) and the subsequent foreclosure of our home. Then we found out we were expecting our first baby and we moved to Maine.
So, would things be different between us if our marriage hadn't had such a rocky first couple years? I don't know. But looking at those pictures makes me wonder if the path we followed in our relationship just led us to a place where stress got the better of us.
I do wish I could go back to that closeness I once felt with my husband. I really wish I could go back to being unburdened by excess poundage and emotional baggage.
Comments:
Awwwwwwww :(
((HUGS))
"My husband was thinner too. Men plump out when they get married to women who cook "GOOD", I think."
Mine is thinning out because I cook bad =( I need to hire you to come down and cook for us so we don't waste away. lol.
Joye every relationship has stressors, and while your grieving the loss of your carefree days the fact that your marriage has not survived or doesn't appear to be surviving should only tell you that better days ahead. I can relate to the feeling of longing for the way things were but trust me when I tell you... better brighter days are ahead of you!! You will some day soon know what true love and compassion is and you will see for yourself that it can survive any stress thrown it's way!! Take it from me, I'm happily into my second marriage and never knew love could be so good, through it all!! *hugs*
I know how you feel. I look back at photos of my husband and think "thats when he was pain free". I look at myself and for some reason I was frumpier back then.... But I also realize that we're always changing. He's got thinner hair and lost his booty, and my tummy is nothing to brag about. I am sorry you seeing this as a loss, of days gone by and a different time but remember without those memories and photographs we'd be shells living only in the moment. Sure that's fine for some but I believe the memories are what makes us who we are today. The memories are etched in photos to enjoy and inspire us.
I'm going to be a bit harsh, perhaps. If things were truly right with you two, those setbacks wouldn't have meant anything to the future of your marriage. Stress doesn't lessen commitment. I doubt that most healthy marriages are freely blissful and without conflict, but I think that through everything there is a sense of security and "home" in these relationships. Jamie has made his religion his home now. It's only natural to feel mournful looking at these pictures. You look at them and remember the dreams you once had, the expectations of how things were going to be, and you mourn those feelings. They are great feelings to have. I wonder if you're not really longing for the way your relationship was then, but for the promise of it then.
Oh, Joye. I think you are very lovely. Don't let those pictures get you down.
I agree with ewwsquared Joye, about the setbacks not mattering.
Now about your weight, first off you are beautiful and you shouldn't forget that. Second, I know that you are eating better and exercising and taking steps towards a more healthy lifestyle every single day. So you're already on track! Don't get down. :)
I have to say that I agree with evwsquared and aurorbunny, m'dear.
However, I too have taken that trip down memory lane a time or two, and wondered "what if" as well. I understand :)
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I'm sorry Joye...don't make me come up there and take away the pictures! Memory Lane is not a place you should be visiting right now - and a free and breezy start to a marriage does not preclude religious fanaticism at a later date. Just sayin'. Hugs, you lovely-just-the-way-you-are fantastic woman!
- used2chaos
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