My Japanese Transition

[LuvNMyBbs]

Since arriving in Japan I have felt a little outta whack.  Okay, some days a lot outta whack.  I haven't been able to understand why things feel so weird to me.  My husband and I have been bickering about stupid mundane things (more than usual),  I have been impatient with my kids  (more than usual:)), I have been overly emotional and sensitive, and I just haven't felt like myself.  So tonight it finally hit me.  The epiphany struck as I was driving down the coast of a country I have never lived in before now.  On the opposite side of the road from the one I learned to drive on.  On the opposite side of the car from the one I have grown up knowing.  Listening to a radio station speak a different language than the one I've heard since birth.  Passing trees that are shaped differently from the trees of my youth.  The wind rushing through the window bringing with it unfamiliar smells.  The fact that I am actually in Japan finally struck me.  It is not just a different place from the one I am used to, it is unlike any place I have ever known before.  As ignorant, uncultured, and inexperienced as it makes me sound I actually thought..."Holy Shit!  This is Japan.  Japan...This is not my home."  I have been so determined to have a positive experience that I don't think I have been completely honest with myself about how out of place I feel.  I kept telling myself that the area is beautiful, the people are nice, our house is great, and that this is a once in a lifetime experience that I should not only be grateful for but also treasure, regardless of the difficulties.  I haven't been realistic about the fact that it better be beautiful scenery as I get lost pretty much everytime I venture off base,  the odd "is it a road or is it an alley way??" thing, teeny tiny narrow roads and drivers that seem to just not care, and I can't just stop at a convenience store to get directions because chances are high that I will only get more lost trying to ask and understand directions in my broken Japanese.  While the people here are very friendly there is an odd but polite distance they maintain that can make them difficult to read or to get to know and I often get the feeling they are being vaguely condescending.  My home is wonderful but there just seems to be an oddity to it that I can't quite name.  The trash is picked up differently, the appliances are unfamiliar, and it just feels...different.  I know that I will never forget our time here but maybe this isn't going to be as simple and as easy of a transition as I thought. 
All that said, my Japanese language skills are coming along.  I am pretty good at ordering food, apologizing, and shopping.  ("Ee Kura Deska" is How much?  "Nan Deska" is  What is this?  "No Me Mo No" is Drink.  "Tordy Deska" means Is this chicken/bird?  "Sumi Masen" is Excuse me... and "Gomen Nasai" is I'm so sorry!  For anyone out there wanting to correct my spelling...piss off, I spell it like it sounds to me!)  I would almost say I am borderline conversational unless I need directions and then I am an abject failure.  While a it is a little off putting I like my house.  The tub in the bathroom is the deepest one I have ever seen and there is an odd modern neutrality to the space like it doesn't belong to anyone we are just allowed to put our things here that feels very clean and antiseptic.  So I still get lost CONSTANTLY and occasionally I get the feeling the road system was designed by spiteful Shinto Gods that wanted to watch me curse from their comfy position in the heavens.  I have learned (albeit the hard way) to never leave the house without my camera, carry a spare change of clothes and snacks for my entire family, and never drive off base without at least  10,000 yen.  Regarding the Japanese people.  I think I can finally accept the idea that it is not racist or close minded to think that some of them are assholes.  I know that lots of Americans are, occasionally myself included.   So in summation I still think I am going to love it here but I officially, here and now, give myself permission to hate it some days too.

[poli_sci_mom]

Jul. 10, 2009 at 1:27 PM

venuture to gate 2 street. You will love that!!!

[barby402000]

Jul. 10, 2009 at 1:27 PM

I don't blame you, it's hard to adjust to someplace so different from what you've known all your life. It's good that you've given yourself permission to hate it some days. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay.

[kaysha]

Jul. 10, 2009 at 1:39 PM

It's wonderful hearing what it's like from a woman's perspective. I have a male friend who is over there right now and all he does is talk about how wonderful it is and blah blah... I told him to get off his Navy A** and tell the truth but whatever... he's a guy! LOL

I am sorry to hear that your feeling the way you are. I'm sure it's a great experience and all, but the not knowing thing has got to be hard. I think it's great that you have came to terms with the fact that it is ok to hate being somewhere that's not home!