Time sure flies.....

[truckchickie]

WOW- 

- I can't believe that baby Darrin is already 4 1/2 months old.. also Brett is already 23 months old ..

His 2nd birthday is August 9th..

 And my first child, Kierstyn she will be turning 3 years old August 4th..-Which is just around the corner...

Where did the time go- How did I get to this point of being okay with my daughter being gone..  

- I wonder at times were I would be today if Kierstyn never grew her wings?? ......

-Would I be working still??

-Would I be over protective b/c of her having TS (turner syndrome)??

And would I be a mommy that would not have a worry in the world??

 It's nice to think of the what if's since in an odd kind of why it keeps me hoping for so much better for the future (if that makes any sense)..

It may be the newest addition of friends that I am hanging out with they ALL enjoy me talking about Kierstyn and that feels good..

I didn't really think I would actually find a few woman that have never lost a child to actually except me for me vs. try and change me or just try and change the subject etc....

 If it was not for baby Darrin looking so much like his sister- I may of not be able to get out of the poor me rut that I was in.. Brett does make me smile but it's just different with baby Darrin ..

Last night I had a dream - I remember in the dream that I was holding baby Darrin in one arm and then alittle girl in the other and I never actually looked at her face just that she was dressed in a adorable little pink dress and then I looked over on our bed and seen Kierstyn sitting up and smiling at me.. I could help but talk like no care in the world as my life was whole again...

 I woke up alittle empty inside and sad as I woke up to having baby Darrin sleeping next to me as I must have dosed off while nursing him.. I couldn't help but hold him close and say "I never want that feeling again "..

 Why would I have this sort of dream now vs. when I was pregnant or after having Brett ?

- I am FINALLY really happy with how things are and am scared to have that change if I am pregnant again..

Don't get me wrong it's such a blessing to be able to bring another little one into the world.. I just don't know if I have another so soon if I will get in the poor me attitude again but worse than when Brett was born... !! Time can only tell..

Also if I end up with another girl I don't want to do favorites which will be hard so maybe having another boy might be good..

I do go back and forth but if only we all could draw a card we liked also have others not feel sorry for me just b/c I have not had another baby girl I think that would help a great deal as well.....

 It's just after baby Darrin was born there was just a light that lit up inside me and is still glowing - I like to think that baby Darrin was sent from Kierstyn to stay around alittle longer than she was able too...

As Kierstyn was my mini me- baby Darrin is a mini me as well but a boy of course.. LOL

 Well I guess that is all for the moment....

Hugs,

Michelle