Anger burns like a caressing flame........

[LokisMama]

I am angry.  I am hurt.  I am frusturated and I am unsure of how to proceed.

My husband laughs, that I get so angry.  But the back story:  As some of you know, my father in law broke his hip back on March 12th.  Spent three weeks in the hospital, after having hip replacement surgery.  When he came home, he was almost unable to walk, so much of what he normally did we took over, as was only sensible.

It is now July.  and he still expects everyone to do everything for him.  He can't be bothered to take his dog out in the morning, so she will shit on the floor, which he leaves for someone else to clean.  He won't take her out before he goes to bed either, same issue.  The dishes, which he used to do, he will leave to sit for days, until someone else takes care of them.  And his bloody 'catch all' basket that he has next to the sink for egg shells and the like, he will leave sit until it someone else empties it into the trash, and by then it's full of maggots!  I swear to any god that is listening that if I find maggots in it one more time, I'm going to fucking throw it at him!

I can understand him needing someone to take his dog out while he was unable to walk, but for fucks sake, his doctors have cleared him to get back on his bike, which was how he broke his hip in the first place!  I am not his mother, nor am I his keeper.  I do not need ther responsabilty of taking care of an additional, 60-something year old child!

I'm going to the local Day Labor office on Monday morning.  I am not sitting around anymore just filling out applications and waiting for people to call me who probably never will.  I've been putting in anywhere from 3-10 applications in a day since I was fired on the 27th of MAY, and of that have gotten three interviews!  So, I go to get what income I can.  I'm going to put money away, and I'm going to find a place for my children, my husband and myself.   My father in law is perfectly capable of tending to himself and I intend to find a three bedroom house for my husband and my children and myself, and telling him to fuck off.  I'm done with this baby-me shit.

And yes, I'm a little scared about going to the day labor office on Monday, if only because it is something I have never had to deal with.  But I'll suck it up, and I'll do whatever they'll throw at me, or I'll keep at it til it kills me, because that's just how stubborn I am.

Oh.....the whole reason that FIL moved in with us in the first place?  His words:  "Live-in Babysitter!".  He was offering to watch the kids so DH and I could go back to work.  Which was fine until Lilith was born.  Now he will not watch either kid for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time. Unless they're asleep.  And I'm done with it.

<Edit>

Now, more thoughts have come to my mind, as I think over again what I have read.  Someone had mentioned that I should change my name to "Xena", for my strength.  And how I wish it was that simple.  Clad in hide and steel, to solve my problems with blade and bow.  And how I wish i could claim that strength.  But I am no warrior.  I am not even a fighter.  The strikes I throw barely bruise the ego, let alone the flesh.  I am weak.  And I am a coward.   

[Xynyth]

Jul. 11, 2009 at 10:23 PM

Good goals and don't worry about day labor. It's mostly sweeping out new construction and cleaning up debris. Take water, swallow your pride and know that you are providing for your family which is the most important thing. It's not that bad really. Take it from someone who's been there. Hell Mouse got the job he's been doing now for over 2 years out of day labor. Get there early, like 5am because it's first come first serve and if you haven't filled out the paperwork, don't plan on getting out the first day.

You can do it, you are strong, You are Xena :)