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Judgemental much?
- Jul 11, 2009 at 11:20 PM
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- Comments (13) Total Views (229) Everyone can see this journal post.
I understand that it's human nature to be judgemental, however I pride myself on my attempts to NOT judge others for their life decisions. So, why is it that people who CHOOSE to stay at home and raise their kids are looked down upon by a majority of the working mothers? I do not understand this, I don't look down upon any mother who chooses to work, so why should I be looked down on for choosing to stay at home? There have been some nasty words being tossed around lately on CM between working and SAH moms.
1) SAHMs are poor and should be contributing to society and helping our economy by getting a job.
Excuse me? Do you have access to the bank statements and financial records of every SAHM? I may not be rich, we do have 3 kids to raise, but we are NOT poor! My kids are never lacking for food, clothing or shelter. They also have plenty of toys, get to go on fun trips, and have many good learning experiences. And how is raising the next generation of Americans any less worthy a contribution to society? And do I not spend money just because I am not the one earning it? I still buy food, I still pay bills, I still spend money on other things such as clothes, cleaning supplies, etc. Not to mention, isn't it better that someone else who truly needs that job, be the one working rather than me who doesn't need or want that job?
2) SAHMs are trash because they have to buy clothes at Wal-Mart.
WTF? Ok Wal-Mart is not high end clothing, but trash? Um I don't think so! And who cares where I buy clothes? My kids grow out of them so fast it wouldn't even make sense to buy name brand anyhow! And as for me, since I don't work outside the home, what need do I have for designer labels? Will my children be impressed by a Gucci bag? NO! And you know what, I get complimented on my clothing by people who DO wear name brand items, so obviously I take care with my appearance. Clothing does not make the Mom!
3) SAHMs should get a better education so they can get a better job and afford day care.
Did it ever occur to these people that perhaps we don't WANT to get a better job? Maybe, just maybe I find being a mother the most satisfying and worthy job I've ever had! And gee, being a SAHM means I'm uneducated? Hmmm I guess I should tell all my old college professors that huh? I made the choice to stay at home despite my previous job (which was a pretty good one) and my education level. I truly WANTED kids and want to be the one to raise them.
4) SAHMs are "mooches".
LMAO Ok my husband and I made the decision together for me to stay at home. He does not, nor do I consider myself to be a "mooch". The money he makes is for OUR FAMILY of which I am a part! I spend my day taking care of our kids and our home and he provides for us.
5) SAHMs should stop "popping out kids" so they can go back to work.
So in order to be a SAHM you have to continuously have kids? Wow, I didn't get that memo. My youngest is 4 and my tubes are tied. I choose to stay at home anyway, because I enjoy my kids and I want to have the experience of actually being at home with them before they do not want to be at home with me. This choice would have been the same if I had 1 child or 10!
6) SAHMs are fat and lazy.
Anyone who says this has NEVER stayed at home with their kids! Staying at home will not make you fat...eating alot of junk and getting no exercise will make you fat. Working moms can be fat just as easily as SAHMs. And anyone who is a SAHM doesn't have the option of being lazy, there is something constantly to be doing! If a SAHM chooses not to do anything and get fat and lazy that is her choice, NOT due to being a SAHM. I've seen lazy people in all walks of life and I'm sure it had nothing to do with their profession.
All in all it boils down to this...Moms work hard! All moms, be it a SAHM or a working mom. I have been on both sides! It's hard to be a working mom, even if you love your job, most working moms miss that time with their kids. It's hard to be a SAHM too, some moms miss their jobs, some get overwhelmed. We should all be there to support each other regardless of our difference of opinions. We should learn to stop judging each other for the choices we make, and yes, the ones that some of us are forced into making. As long as you are doing what is right for YOU and YOUR family, you are a GREAT mom and that is all that really matters!
Comments:
As a SAHM, all I do is eat Bon-Bons and watch TV while my 2 1/2 year old cleans the house. Your children must simply not be trained right.
Like you, I gave up my career in order to stay home. I felt that staying home was more worthwhile than contributing to the gross national product. DH was also in favor of me staying home. Neither of us wanted to put Alex in daycare, so this was the alternative. He's perfectly okay with the idea of me never working again (I'm not sure how okay I am with that idea, lol, but we'll see what happens with that down the road!)
Oh, and I'm in far better shape than DH...I chase a 2 1/2 year old around all day while he sits at a desk. I don't think I could be fat and lazy if I wanted to!
To all those who have ever asked a SAHM, "What do youdo all day??" I suggest they spend one single day at home alone with a young child. Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM and it's definitely a lot more work than most people give it credit...because not everyone has trained their children to fetch them more Bon-Bons and change the channel so they don't miss Oprah.
Good grief~ where are you hanging out??? Bottom line= we are all MOMS...we all "work"...I've been on both sides and would much rather be home with my kids. Trust me, they grow up SO fast. There is nothing greater than to watch your children grow into well adjusted, contributing adults. Personally, I wouldn't trade the time I had at home with my kids for any new car in the world. The situation has changed and I sometimes leave my four yr old with a sitter now- something that is really hard for me to do- it goes against my grain.
There is no job more important than raising your kids, don't let anyone make you feel like you need to defend yourself! :0)
Props to you for saying this....I have also been on both sides as a working mom and now a SAHM and I can tell you this staying at home has been far harder than working. I am completly drained by the end of the day! I can also say that I did want to stay home but was forced to stay home considering we could not afford daycare. I would like to go back and finish college so maybe when they are off in school I can get a good job, but its hard trying to fit school in somewhere! Because based on finances I need to be working, but can't afford daycare. BUT I LOVE being at home with my kids!
I worked for 12 months after my daughter was born. A woman that I used to talk to at my ex work texted me to see how I was..i told her how much I was happy that i got fired because I missed my kids. She responded by saying " I wish I could just lounge around" I was like me too! What a biotch!
I was a SAHM for 7 years before I had to go back to work almost 2 years ago now. my kids were doing much better when I stayed home with them. and I actually gained weight going back to work! yeah, imagine that! chasing the kids around and the general day to day running around kept me slimmer than sitting behind a desk @ work for 8 hours a day!
Amen Sister!
I have also been on both sides and as you know am home right now. Some times I do get overwhelmed and wish I still had a job to run away too, but I wouldnt give up the time I have had at home with the kids. I feel bad sometimes that I wasnt home with Kylee and mostly Katelyn the way I have been with Caiden.But I know that in my heart that no one else in this world can take care of them the way I do.
I am so with you on this one. I didnt have babies to let someone else raise them.
I think if you are a mom, and you are doing the best you can for your kids, then there ought not to be any judging.
Let's face it - there are SAHMs who fit the stereotype. I know a few. I couldn't believe it, after being a SAHM myself, but they are out there. And there are also working moms who IMPO, are not involved enough with their kids. I have known a few of them also. One had a nanny that was called 'mom' and the mom was all bent about it.
But MOST moms are really trying whether they are at home or in the work force, and most end up struggling sometimes, and feeling like they are sending their kids for years of therapy. I think most have experienced that.
But to look down on that - I think that's bullshit. I have seen SAHM get just as nasty to working moms as all the things posted in this journal post.
Please. Generally, if you are a mom, no matter your situation, you are trying.
I am a mother who is a full time college student because I HAVE to get a job. My husband is a high school teacher and a youth minister but we are living in a very tiny house in a less than desirable location becasue the houses in our area are so expensive. In order for my child to attend kindergarten at a good school, I have to graduate next year and find a job so we can move before he gets in kindergarten. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I kind of envy stay at home moms. I wish I could do that. I get a little taste of it in the summer and it's great to stay at home with your child!
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LOL, those things sound like something very jealous, childish women would say, or else they're dumb men who have no clue how hard SAH mothers WORK! Just because they don't get paid for it doesn't mean they're not working! My son did the SAH dad thing ONE day and he no longer complains about his wife not working! He was EXHAUSTED by the end of the day. Heh heh heh
- MemawBrie
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