"Spare the Rod ...." and Give Your Child a Sucker Instead.

[Eilish]

I was browsing through the polls section on Cafemom and came across a question asking if "you believe in the Biblical verse, 'Spare the rod; spoil the child,' and if so how you interpret it."

I have seen this phrase used a lot in order to give a Biblical defense for not utilizing spanking as a form of acceptable and Christian discipline, and I never thought anything about it ... until today. I went to answer the question, and it dawned on me that spoil in our culture has two different connotations. There is spoil, as in "the food is spoiled and is unsafe to eat," and then there is spoiled, as in "your child has so much she's spoiled." The former has a negative connotation to it and the later has a positive connotation to it (positive in that it is now socially acceptable to literally give your child everything she wants). So I decided to get the official definition of the word "spoil." Here it is:

Main Entry: ²spoil
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): spoiled /spi()ld, spi()lt /; also spoilt /spi()lt/; spoil·ing
1 : ²PLUNDER, ROB
2 a : to damage badly : RUIN b : to damage the quality or effect of c : to decay or lose freshness, value, or usefulness by being kept too long
3 : to damage the disposition of by letting get away with too much
4 : to have an eager desire

Now there were a few mothers who saying that this phrase is not actually found in the Bible, and while it is not in their verbatim, it is a direct reference to Proverbs 13: 24 which goes like this:

• "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline."

The correct interpretation of the phrase, "spare the rod; spoil the child," is not, "don't spank, instead divert his attention in order to avoid the issue," it quite literally means that if you don't spank (which IS the Biblical form of discipline [and before you go yelling at me for saying that I will add that there is a right and a wrong way to do it, and that most people get it wrong]), then you are indeed spoiling or, damaging the disposition of your child by letting him get away with too much.

So for future reference, if you are going to attempt to use a Biblical defense for NOT spanking, please refrain from using the above mentioned phrase because you only proving yourself wrong and ignorant of the true meaning of word in the English language.

Please forgive me, I cannot get the underline turned off in the above paragraphs.

[KristiS11384]

Jul. 11, 2009 at 11:51 PM

I always took "Spare the Rod, spoil the child" as If you do not correct and discipline a child for their bad behaviour, than you ARE indeed spoiling that child by allowing them to think their bad actions are acceptable.

[KristiS11384]

Jul. 11, 2009 at 11:53 PM

I don't think that means the child has to be spanked (though I do) just that the child must be have their bad actions and behaviors corrected and be disciplined accordingly.

[truthrowan]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM

I agree. I spank, sometimes its the only thing that gets through. A child who is allowed to get away with everything will not behave out of innate goodness. Children test boundaries, and it's not our job as parents to be popular, nice, or our kids' best friends, it's our job to raise them into stable, good, productive people who live their lives right and behave like they've got a brain between their ears.

Give a kid everything, and they think they deserve it just for breathing, I've got nieces and nephews that way. I refuse to let my son think that.

[Eilish]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 12:01 AM

KristiS11384

I have been studying the Biblical mode of discipline and I have come to this conclusion, 1) spanking is indeed the prefered mode and 2) if it doesn't accompany encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, teaching, and prayer, then the spanking will be vain. Furthermore, if the spanking is done as a means of developing special skills, psychological attributes, forcing a child to "say the sinner's prayer", enforcing family worship, modifying behavior, demanding a good education, or simple control, then it is done for all of the wrong reasons.

(Original Poster)

[KristiS11384]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 12:07 AM

Oh I'm not debating the Biblical mode of it. I was simply stating what I had always thought it meant.

[kids2cute4u]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 12:09 AM

Wow. I never thought of that. I knew the phrase wasn't in the Bible, but I never realized that it acutally supported spanking.

[Eilish]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 12:16 AM

I see ....

(Original Poster)

[SalemWitchChild]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 1:31 AM

I agree we should never spoil our children. I'm the group owner of Moms who spank. So yes I spank. But that doesn't mean I think spanking should be used as the only form of discipline. Personally, I'm pagan, so the above mentioned phrase has no influence over whether I spank or not. I decided to spank because of many reasons. One being I was spanked and I lived through it unscathed. It did teach me obedience. And sometimes its the only thing that gets through hard headed stubborn children. If we do not require obedience as children, they will never freely give it as adults. Therefore, I spank when I think the time warrants it. I use other less harsh methods when its only a minor infraction. There is a balance between the two which all mothers need to strive for.

[Paris_Moonlight]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 1:57 PM

I have always assumed that the 'rod' spoken of is the Rod of Instruction. Think of the Prayer "Thy ROD and Thy Staff comfort me." I don't think it means God is looking to spank us when speaking of this Rod.

[Eilish]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 3:38 PM

The rod of discipline IS a comfort, because it is teaching us the proper way to live our life. It is comfort because God is gracious enough to show us the way. God disciplines those that he loves.

(Original Poster)