Reunion With Birth Mom - FAQ For Family And Friends

[SalBac]

Very soon we're reuniting with our son's birth mother ("J") and her parents. Rather than continuing to have nearly the same conversation with various and sundry family and friends (eight times and counting), I've decided to post this FAQ for easy reference by all interested parties.

Q: Why are you going to meet with them?
A: Because we told them we would. We discussed it before "J" left the hospital; it's important to her, and therefore, important to us.

Q: What does she want from you? She must want something...?
A: She wants respect. A warm hello. Probably a burp cloth when she holds him.

Q: Aren't you afraid?
A: Most definitely. I'm afraid of what college will cost when our kids finish high school. I'm afraid of finding a lump. I'm afraid of reaching under the house to clear out some leaves and feeling a snake wrap around my fingers. I'm afraid of being home alone when there are Dove bars in the freezer. That's what I'm afraid of.

Q: Why does she want to see him?
A: Uhhh... well, I've never carried another human being in my body, but from what I understand, there's a bit of a connection that develops between mother and child. Don't you look forward to seeing people you were once close with?

Q: Is it legal for her to want to see him?
A: As far as I know U.S. citizens are entitled to want whatever they please. The law generally applies to actions, not emotions.

Q: Won't it be painful for her to have to say goodbye to him again?
A: I'm not her, so I don't know. I'm sure it was no picnic to carry a child for nine months knowing she wasn't going to raise him. She was able to make the decisions for adoption, so I'm sure she can make this one.

Q: So, you don't think she'll want him back?
A: I can't know for certain what anyone else wants, but a few minutes after he was born she told me she wants him to have a stable home with a loving mother, father, and big sister; she wants him to have a better life than what she can give him; she wants him to be safe, happy, and important; and she wants him to always know why she chose adoption for him - because she loves him. He's our son, by love, law, and destiny. She made that happen.

We really enjoyed the time we spent in the hospital with "J" and her parents, and I'm looking forward to our reunion. Baby Boy has come to look so much like "J" and her father... I can't wait for them to see him!

[Lb128f]

Jul. 13, 2009 at 2:18 AM

Sweet!! I'm sure with your attitude (and humor) about the situation it's going to go just fine. You are offering something to "J" and her family that many don't get...I'm betting they will be appreciative and happy. Enjoy.

[ninevah]

Jul. 13, 2009 at 10:28 AM

Gee, Sal, first time on CM in a looong time.  This is a great post to come back to!  You're a gifted writer!