Itching to leave... eager to stay.

[LuminousMom]

 We only have "3 more sleeps"  (that's how we tell time now, sad, right?) until we leave for Washington, and I am SO excited to go home I can hardly contain myself... the show in Birch Bay.. sunsets on the beach.. seeing family and friends... its all so important to me. But something that has become more and more apparent as we settle into our home here in Utah is that I MISS it when we are gone. I miss my routine, my space... its the first time I have felt like we actually own something that is 100% ours. No help to buy it.. we designed it ourselves. All the work (and ALOT of work it was..) is by us.. and although its 300 miles away from DH's family and 900 miles from mine, its home.

Every time we drive away from my parents house to go home, I get a twinge in my stomach watching my mom standing there crying.. and it makes my heart ache to know it hurts her so much that we are so far away; but at what point in our lives do we say. NO! STOP! Its about OUR happiness too. At what point do we halt the guilt trip and begin working towards our own future?

Its been two years we've lived here in Utah.. and while my husbands "contractual" obligation (that he has to repay 10,000 for training and relocation if he leaves before 2 years) is up in a few weeks... he really loves his job and is in no way HOPING to leave it. He is however keeping his options open. Hes in a high demand field.. theres nothing wrong with looking around, especially since he has a great deal of contacts from the Navy and from school who have all gone off to do different things and keep eachother in the loop about new opportunities.

So my mom, knowing our two years of "obligation" are up.. immediately starts hassling me about moving home. Sounds nice, but heres the problem. A nice 3bd 2ba in Utah runs you 100 to 150k LESS than in Washington (at least in Wa where we are from) and the job market there blows. Blows harder than Paris Hilton. The rate of pay for my husbands job is 20% LOWER than in Utah, but home prices are 30% HIGHER. I explain this to my mom again and again, but it doesnt get through. "Well you could live a bit more frugally" More frugal how? My husbands career came with college.. college costs money. We didnt get a free ride.. nobody paid it for us, we have student loans. More frugal how? Our cars arent new, nor are they fancy. Our only "luxury" is cable!

So there are SOME jobs back at home... on the navy base my husband used to be stationed on. Civilian jobs.. that pay well. But that puts us back at square one. Only two years at our current house... doesnt make for much equity build up (although it was appraised at 20k more than we bought it for, thats not always what it will sell for!). Plus we wouldnt get a moving bonus, and homes cost way more. I dontwant to take a giant step backwards.. so I find myself saying "No." to the opportunity to move home. No, for a million reasons. If we stay where we are.. we can have all our debt paid off in 5 years tops. My husband will have moved onto engineer pay in the company (even with his degree he has to work his way up which kinda sucks but is understandable) and we will have a comfortable life. Why would we want to give that up?

I know it hurts my mom to know that we are choosing our futures.. but I guess I have to live with that because selfish or not, my kids come first and I am NOT going to be 60 years old without a penny to our names! I am NOT going to do that. I would rather live in Utah and be lonely for 40 years than find ourselves absolutely penniless and lost as to what to do for the nest 10..20..30..40!?! YEARS. There are more jobs in Utah.. there are 8 different companies here that have multiple positions he would quality for, as well as Hill AFB where he could get civilianwork. I just dont know how to break it to my mom that we cant give up a good thing. She gets defensive and angry when I try to explain it to her.. tells me all the ways I am WRONG. "Well your brothers mortgage is only 1650!" ONLY?! I could practically have TWO houses for that. I know she misses the kids. I know it hurts her.. but what can I do? I'm choosing MY families future from now on. We're turning the Washington job down. Turning them all down.. and we're staying in Utah for at LEAST two more years. And thats final.

[CorgiMomma]

Jul. 12, 2009 at 10:49 PM

Oh..... I know how hard it can be to not have family around.  I agree though that you are doing what is best for your family to stay in Utah a bit longer.  At least get all your debts paid off and get some savings built up.  Another 5 years or whatever isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.  A civi job at Hill wouldn't be a bad deal at all really (at least that would have him home more regularly than he is now... I know his schedule is hard to work around sometimes).  Haha... and I know your mortgage payments there in Utah are definitely MUCH more handleable than anything you could find in Washington... and that includes low rent apartments.  It's ridiculous there IMHO. 

Seems like Wed is the big day for both of us.  9pm cannot come fast enough that day.  I'm going to go stir-crazy these last three "sleeps" until he gets here.  His flight had BETTER NOT be delayed!  I'm gonna let Justin go with me to the airport that night... hopefully I can get a good video of him greeting daddy.  That would be cute.  It's too late for me to have Patrick out, but I think it will make it that much more special for Justin to get to go by himself anyhow.  Bleh.. I'm gonna go to bed now so I can be one more "sleep" closer to the big day!

[moomers]

Jul. 13, 2009 at 9:15 AM

You are making sound, logical decisions.Maybe you could write a letter to your Mom when you return to Utah after your visit.

I understand how your Mom feels.it Is hard to let go of your kids no matter their age.My oldest is in nursing school and her BF in the military.I worry I'll have to travel who knows where when I become a grandmother one day.It's not want I envisioned.I always thought of being the "Grandmother" of all "Grandmothers",being there for my grandchildren's beckon call.Ha Ha I have to prepare myself to understand my kids will have to do what is best for their one day family..It is heart wrenching when I think about it but I won't hold them back .

Your Mom will understand eventually.She's in the beginning stages of her disappointment!!!Ha Ha

[LuminousMom]

Jul. 13, 2009 at 1:36 PM

Awww He will love that Cheryl!! I know Wednesday couldn't come fast enough... I am so excited for you!

Thanks moomers :;hugs:: to you too :) I think I will end up writing her a letter and just trying to logically explain it all.. without the emotion of a phone call.. and hope for the best!

(Original Poster)