It's funny how when you reach out to people, they turn their backs on you. Even when you reach out to other victims, survivors or supposed-friends. I've been bashed, degraded, stalked, harassed and attacked almost everywhere I go. All because I was stupid enough to reach out, share my story and try to find support and advice.

I have no where to go, no one to turn to. I am alone. I have learned my lesson though, I need to keep to myself. It's better to bottle my feelings and thoughts up inside than to suffer the degradations others will put me through, I can't read people as well as I thought I could. I once believed that an offer of friendship and support was genuine, now I know better.

So, where do I go? Who do I turn to? No where and no one. I am alone.

I will suffer in silence. I will cry in silence, I will remember in silence. I will fight in silence. I will survive in silence. I will hide from the world, put on a smile and pretend that nothing is wrong, keep my memories and feelings and thoughts locked away inside where they can not hurt me by turning others on me repeatedly.

I can depend on no one. I can rely on no one. I can trust no one.

I am alone.

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Comments:

lilan...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 6:48 AM

I think there is a lady on here that you can share with. Her screen name is step_beaten. She has a profile very similiar to yours. She would not be judgemental about what you have to share.

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sarah...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 6:28 PM

What can we do to help you?   

Are you ar your children being hurt?

Please do not stop being open- please continue to reach out.

You can send me a private message if you wish.  You have my attention and I will be waiting for your response.

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ladyd...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 9:30 PM

I would love to listen to you and give you all the support I can. Let me know..I'll be here for you.

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Lb128f
Jul. 14, 2009 at 12:24 AM

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think you've probably just met or shared your story with the wrong people. I hope you will find some help in some groups here and maybe in some counseling or support groups where you live. And...you can always write anonymous journal posts if you need to share and don't want to put your screen name "out there"....good luck!

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Momma...
Jul. 14, 2009 at 1:11 AM

I know what you are going through. I have known nothing but rape, molestation, abuse, and more before my husband. I was told that I deserved it because I put myself in that situation. I was also told that I was "trash", I "let" men do that to me, and many other rude things. Men also thought that meant I was easy and have been through many attempted rapes but luckily I always got out of them.

I thought I couldn't tell anyone for a long time but then I met my husband who tries to help me, friends who have been in the same situations, and support groups. The church I attends has a support group as well.

Don't go into yourself otherwise you might drive yourself insane or just go back to that same situation.

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my2st...
Jul. 14, 2009 at 1:56 AM

 YOU SOUND SO SAD. EVEN YOUR  PROFILE NAME IS SAD! IM SORRY YOU'RE NOT HAPPY AND DONT TRUST ANYONE, I DONT BLAME YOU BUT NOT EVERYBODY IS EVIL. TRY TO FEEL BETTER.

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krisr169
Jul. 14, 2009 at 8:14 AM

You're not alone.  There are people out there, or here, just like you but you have to find them.  If you bury this it's just going to come up at the worst time and continue to ruin your life.  Lb brings up a good solution, try posting a journal anon and see if anyone comments in a supportive manner, then you can friend those that are out to help.

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mom2_...
Jul. 17, 2009 at 9:49 PM

You never can tell who is trustworthy. I think that's normal after abuse. Too much betrayal & lies makes it too hard.

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