sex and sabotage

[autiemommy2]

My title sounds like a bad novel, doesn't it?

My DH is weird... well, at least he's been acting weird lately. I don't know what's going on (although I could guess, but I have no proof), but he's off the chart!

We moved in to our new house 6 weeks ago. Things were fine the first 2 weeks. The next 2 weeks, he did nothing but complain about our neighbor - who is also his co-worker. These last 2 weeks, he's been... well, weird. I can't explain it any other way.

Two weeks ago, he told me he wasn't going to have sex with me anymore. I thought he was kidding. I was wrong. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I've been coming up with yeast infections a lot. He said he didn't want to have sex any more b/c of my yeast infections. I've tried to tell him that it is normal during pregnancy, but he still held to no sex.

During those 2 weeks, he hasn't touched me. At all. Not even playfully. Not even for my 30th birthday (last week). I have gotten nothing. Normally, I'm not bothered by this, but I'm starting to think something else is up. He could be telling me the truth, but he's got a track record of lying to me about almost everything.

Finally, 2 days ago, he decides he wants sex. I'm nowhere near the mood. Plus, I don't "turn on" in 3 seconds like he does. We don't have sex Friday night b/c I spend all evening/night taking care of our sick 3 year old. Saturday, the sick continues -vomiting, the run, no appetite, etc. I'm also trying to get laundry done and clean to prevent our 21 month old from getting sick too.

Saturday night rolls around and he mentions sex again. The conversation goes fromhis weight, how self-concious he is, how he thinks I'm not attracted to him b/c *he* thinks he's fat, etc, to how many sexual partners he has had. (When we were dating, he told me 60 women... Saturday night, he swears it was around 30... and that I'm wrong - as always - and that I'm thinking of another boyfriend.) Either way, an arguement ensues - not heated, no name calling - but sex is quickly taken off the table.

Last night, he mentions sex again... and I just sighed. I have no idea what is about to happen. I'm not in the mood - especially after last nights conversation. Once again, he turns the conversation in to blaming me b/c he things I'm not attracted to him b/c *he* thinks he's fat... and his self-esteem issues (which he's had all of his life)... then he start blaming me for never having body image problems.

Ladies, I nearly fell off the bed in laughter!! I ask him "in what world do you think that I WOULDN'T have them???" I tell him that most women - even the "perfect" ones - have body image issues and I am no different. I was not popular or pretty in high school... and I'm definately not either now.

So, he again, sabotages the possiblity of sex by thinking... and then talking. He blames me b/c he wants me to want sex. I clue him in (again) that after spending all day taking care of 2 boys with Autism, being pregnant, running a household, and thencatering to him when he comes home, I am just plain tired. It has nothing to do with attraction... I'm just to exhausted to want to do anything other than sleep when I get the chance. And our kids have a hard time sleeping through the night. They both get up at least once, but never at the same time. I'm tired. And pregnancy isn't easy either.

No sex. Sabotage is the name of his game. And I called him out on it last night. I asked why he was intentionally sabotaging any chance of sex... of course, I got no answer. Probably don't want to hear the truth. He's probably cheating - or was. Who cares anymore. I'm too tired.

I did finally get to tell him a few things that have been bothering me....  1)that I was deeply hurt by his comment a month ago. We were talking about our kids and their needs when he says "If we didn't have children, we wouldn't even be together." Gee thanks. Don't I feel like Jon and Kate plus Eight! Jerk. But I let it go. I cried, but I let it go. 2)that he ruined my birthday last week b/c he's still the same selfish person... and wouldn't even give me one day, one very special day, a milestone that I was never supposed to reach.

***For those of you wondering, I turned 30 and he did nothing for me. I didn't get a card/gift from him or the kids. He slept in while I got up with the boys. He didn't make me breakfast (which he said he would). He didn't help me feed the kids breakfast - something he does every morning. Instead he "went to the gym"... I think he lied, but I have no proof. He didn't wish me a Happy Birthday. At all. He attempted to bake me a cake, but instead of reading the directions, he burned it. I had no cake. (I had asked him the week prior if I could call the Cake Lady to order one for myself - he wasn't going to do it - and he told me I didn't deserve a cake.) He didn't apologize for his inconsideration... then again, he never does, so I wasn't expecting it. *And the reason 30 was a big deal for me is b/c I had cancer and I wasn't expected to make it, but I did and I've been in remission for 9 years and 11 months.***

It's no wonder to me why I'm not in the mood. And for me, sexual attraction isn't all about physical looks. It's about morals, character, and how I'm being treated. Geez, he could be the hottest guy on the planet and amazing in bed, but if he treats me like crap, I'm not going to be in the mood. He doesn't understand that. Oh well.

I guess I should have titled this "no sex and sabotage".... I know there is something going on, I just don't know what it is.... *sigh* I'm still not having sex. He's still sabotaging our sex life - and ironically, managing to blame me. He blames me for everything else, I'm not at all surprised. I just wish I knew what was going on with him. Maybe I don't want to know.

[Rayshawn]

Jul. 13, 2009 at 4:12 PM

Great title.  Your DH sounds difficult, but then there are so few that are not.  I hope things get better between the two of you, and that he can stop sabotaging chances for sex and sabotaging your relationship as a whole.  The cake thing is absolutely horrible and vile.  Of course you deserve a cake! 

[ZsMommy]

Jul. 16, 2009 at 2:09 PM

(((HUGS)))) because you so deserve them reading this. Sex is one thing-but the flat out inconsideration of your birthday-telling you you do not deserve a cake...That's completely uncalled for.

Do you think another woman may be twisting his thoughts? Men like to turn the blame game around when they're doing something wrong...He's definetely playing games-telling you no sex-then deciding he wants sex,but goes out of his way to ruin the mood-only to blame you-which I'm wondering if he's not using as a cover for his initial decision of "no sex'

In any case,I hope you get to the bottom of things and can work things out. Being a mother of a child (or as I read in your journal,children) is stressful enough...now add in a pregnancy....

More (((HUGS))) to you

[ZsMommy]

Jul. 16, 2009 at 2:10 PM

I meant to write "being a mother of a child (or children) on the spectrum"-They don't let you edit,so I had to add another comment-oops

[autiemommy2]

Jul. 16, 2009 at 2:34 PM

I don't know if he's cheating... he has in the past, but I don't know about now. I haven't found any evidence... but that could mean he's just covering his tracks better. Who knows. I would hope he's not - considering our family life. I have to admit, it's the first thing I thought of. Geez, I would like to think if there is another woman that she would occupy him enough to make him happy.... instead of acting out towards me. Then again, he's complicated. I don't know. He hasn't bothered me for sex this entire week, but he is being nice - even when I have mood swings. It's weird. I guess time will tell.

Thank you! :-)

(Original Poster)