An Enigma Wrapped in a Mystery

[crkirby]

Nothing really clears your head of the "fluff" quite like Beethoven does.  Listening to the sounds of Symphony num. 3 allows me to sit and think about things in a clearer manner. 

I've come to the realization that I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery.  That is all there is to it. 

I love my life, but strive for more.  My life right now is exactly as it should be.  It's perfection, and in all honesty, if things were to stay this way until the day I die, I would die a happy and content woman.  But, realistically, I know that people never stay in their first home for life.  My husband and I have plans, however, that have us moving out of our home and into the country in the next 5 years.  (more like 4 now).  It seems puzzling to people that I would be so content with my life as it is, yet still plan on moving later.  Why if I'm happy?  Well, I am happy and quite content here....but, why not go somewhere I could be even happier?  That is my goal, to be happiest.

Then there is the whole wife thing.  I trip people out to no end when it comes to this.  First, I'm a rather submissive wife...not in the "getting beat" way or "rolling over and taking it" way, just in the fact that I acknowledge in many areas my husband is superior and really does know the best way to handle a situation/dilema.  However, he acknowledges the same of me in some areas (like cooking and cleaning and saving money). 

I'm a lady, but at the same time, I'm not.  I can (and do) cuss like a sailor...but I know when to zip my mouth and keep those words to myself.  I'm a whore but prude....my husband (and closest friends) sees a side of me that would make many people blush, but most people only see the side who would never discuss sex in the light of day. 

I'm not big on material things....in fact, we keep things until they die on us.  And most of the stuff we have now, we got for free.  We only have one tv in our home, as we feel it's unnecessary for any more, it just divides us into different rooms and makes us zombies.  Why?  We could all watch the same thing and talk about it, or just not watch anything and discuss whatever!  We are very very simple people, which seems odd in this time frame of buying what you want when you want it. 

We also do not own a single credit card or buy anything we cannot afford right then.  Let me tell you how many oddball looks I get for THAT kind of thinking.  "no credit?"  as if it's the most insane thinking ever.  Go figure....who'd have thought buying things one could afford would get you looked at like you need to be in an insane asylum. 

The REALLY funny thing, is that I've had several religious women in my family tell me that I am the "perfect" wife....whatever the hell that means.  Apparently there is some "ideal" in their book and I'm it.  I get asked how hard it was to conform to that thinking, and blah blah blah.  They think I'm kidding when I say it's not hard, because I'm doing the things that come naturally to me (so therefor I'm not conforming, just doing what I like, how I like it for ME).....add to that the fact that I am NOT religious and find the whole "perfect/ideal wife" bit really fucking moronical.  So, that really gets their goats....these women in my family trying to live up to this "ideal" for their men, trying so hard and failing and I'm doing "it' (whatever that is) with an ease they can't reach and I don't even believe in the reason they are doing it.  haahaa. 

Personally, I attribute my actions and behaviors to my grandmother and raising me in a more traditional British upbringing (yes, I even know how to do proper "high tea").  Whatever the reason for me being the way I am, I like it.  I like perplexing other people and making them go "huh?" 

I am an enigma, wrapped in a mystery and wouldn't have it any other way .

[BeanIrene1]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 11:53 AM

That is cool Chrys. It is so nice to hear someone who is in a place of being OK with themselves and what they do.

Although I am one of those "moronical" women, as I strive to be what I feel God knows I can be for Todd,  So I can see how you, not being the "moron", can't understand.  While I can't say I think you are perfect, although Shaun might, I can say you are inspiring.

Maybe that is what they are trying to say, you inspire others to be what they strive to be. You strive to be happiest. They strive to do what you do. Sometimes it is NOT easy. You have seen my struggles, what I go through and heard my sob stories, and all the while you are baking your blueberry muffins! ahahahaha

I have to completely agree with the British upbringing. I bet that has A LOT to do with why you are who you are. Being brought up in America, with American ideals, show a lot of materialism, feminism, and things that ultimately are not what I wanted instilled in me. So I have to work to reverse it, erase it, and build myself back up. And I do enjoy having women that I can look to, to be inspired in my journey.

So keep on doing what you do. While you may be laughing on the inside, you are helping people and you don't even know it.