I'm Having a Hospital Birth, and I'm Not A Monster

[Raphaeline]

I dearly wish that, when my son is born, I could be lying in my bed with the familiar buzz of the air conditioner.  I'd like to be there with my husband in my quiet, dim bedroom, with the smell of our own fabric softener from the blankets. 

But that just ain't happenin'.

I don't bother watching the live birth shows, because I know what I'm going to see.  A woman in dire pain, WAILING for an epidural, hooked up to several machines all making various noises, under florescent lights in paper-thin sheets and that odor of sterilization.  They will almost inevitably have been given pitocin, and they will almost certainly be wheeled away to the OR for a C-section.  The entire thing makes me nauseous.  It makes me feel as though my abdomen is going to grow and grow and instead of it being a natural thing, I'm the victim of some terrible disease, something that will one day burst through my stomach like that scene from the alien movie. 

So why have I planned to plop myself in the car and head straight for this birthing assembly line? 

I know not every birth is the same.  I know that some women aren't wailing for an epidural; they're wailing because they ended up with an orgasmic birth.  Some babies don't have to be pulled from the womb; they sometimes slip out with a push or two.  I understand that what I've witnessed once or twice on the birth shows isn't guaranteed to happen with me; but I know better than to assume it can't. 

I'm not lucky enough to have a midwife option; a home birth would mean my husband and I would be delivering our first baby at home alone, and to get a midwife's help would mean a two hour drive when I go into labor.  This is my first baby, and I don't feel comfortable going through birth without someone with plenty of experience.  Even the smallest thing going wrong could be devastating without someone who has a clue how to prevent it.

There are no guarantees, either, that a hospital birth is going to be perfect for us.  But since this is my first, and there is a higher rate of complications with mothers' first children, I'm prepared to make the sacrifice of fielding nurses and dealing with pushy doctors in exchange for some monitoring and the option of immediate surgical assistance if necessary.  I have my family, and they're on my team.  We've talked about what I want and what I don't want, and I trust them to help me make the decision to go with one option or the other when the time arises.  My husband and best friend are prepared to follow my baby everywhere he goes, and my mother and husband will be making sure he is nursed immediately after birth and remains in my room barring any necessary medical treatments. 

I'm wary of hospitals demanding their usual method of caring for mother and child; the bottom line is, though, that even though I'd love to be in a familiar room with familiar sounds and familiar smells, that room can't provide me with assurance that if something DOES go wrong (gods forbid), the tools that could save my baby's life or mine are only feet away.

[tginn20]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 11:37 AM

Good Luck! I agree that every woman has a right to decide how they want their baby delivered..I just hope people will respect your decision and since I am sure you have looked into different options or atleast read all the "educational posts" that YOU as a mother know what is right for you. Good for you momma!!! Good Luck and congrats...I too will have a hospital birth.

[MAUREEN55]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 11:41 AM

I agree, home birth may be great for some. But no one option is best everyone. 

[Mommy2seven]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 11:48 AM

Hun.. we all have to make choices in life and yours is not gonna be like mine, but that's just it we are different people and no one is 100% exactly like someone else =] nothing wrong with that right!

I have given birth to all 8 of my children in a hospital setting and it was the best thing for everyone, with each one I had minor complications but in the end I delivered my baby, bonded and it was the best experience ever cause it was my experience.

Good luck to you and your BIRTH hun!

ps.. the real experience starts when you come home, your baby will never remember their birth and you will only remember the glow of your baby when you are holding him/her.. don't let anyone tell you "there is a better way" cause your way is the best way for you and your baby = ]

[Raphaeline]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 8:44 PM

... I didn't realize my journal entries would be read!  Cool!

Thanks, ladies, for the responses.  I felt so guilty at first that I couldn't have a home birth or give birth in a birthing center, but I just had to face facts; even if I had the guts to risk the tiny chance that something could go wrong enough to need IMMEDIATE medical procedures for my first time around, it wasn't even an option in my area. 

Some moms are pretty gung-ho about having the experience go just a certain way, and I felt pretty ashamed at times.  But hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and I better start feeling confident in my own decisions now if I want to be a good mom.

(Original Poster)