So why did I turn away from God?

[Momma_Halo]

Many people wanted to know why I left the religion 12 years ago and this is the kind of the attitude I received when I went looking for help due to Molestation and such.

I went to the church at around 12 the first time and told them that I had been molested not by one person but two. I was told that I was just looking for attention. Then I went to another person and they told me I was making excuses for my loose behavior. And then I was told that I was molested because I made God angry with me. For three years I went looking for help and understand and received bitter responses that made me feel dirty and like a whore.

So I found Paganism and was told I was loved and received attention from the group that I SHOULD have been shown from Christianity. But where as the Christian church told me to keep my mouth shut because it wasn't civil to talk about these things the Pagan groups told me to spill it out and let the Goddess heal me.

I went through Paganism trying my hardest to fit in and do the best I could at it but the truth was I wasn't really Pagan... I so wanted to fit in because of how open it was. But my heart didn't belong there. Which doesn't speak negatively about them, religion is a personal choice.

Even when I was being abused by my ex many of the churches I reached out to for help told me I deserved it. Because I was "that type" of woman.

It wasn't until recently that I decided to come back to Christianity and learned that not everyone is mean and hateful and that there are better churches out there with REAL Christians in them. And the church I have been attending has been awesome. Although I have not opened up to anyone about my past yet.

Will I think that Pagans are evil, sinful, beasts? No, actually I thank many of them for showing me how to love myself, to find my feminine power, and what faith really is. I took those lessons back with me into Christianity and no one can take that away from me. I learned some very valuable lessons on my road to spiritual awareness and God knows I am taking those lessons with me. But for all I know, he sent me on that path to learn them.

Another thing I learned living on the outside of the Christian box? To really see who is speaking truth and who is the fake wanting their free ticket into the fair known as heaven. I also learned from studying the Bible on my own without someone coaching me what it says and how wonderful a book it is.

I also learned that Christianity is an awesome religion and that God and Jesus are loving compassionate people. That they still love me and cry about what happened to me. But I also learned that certain people are slandering the religion with "trying to help others".

I don't think Christianity is going to fall because people hate "Him". I think it might fall because people dislike His followers. I mean how can they want to come to Christianity when everyone who is speaking to the "sinner" (I use that term loosely)  doesn't live a Christian life and doesn't speak very Christianly? If the world is full of people like I stated above... I can see its downfall. It isn't Jesus and God people hate but the people who uses the Bible as a weapon and refuses to practice what they preach.

So who are you? The devout Christian (who walks the walk and talks the talk) or the person who only uses the bible as a weapon?

[r_gallegos74]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 3:13 PM

Wow!  thanks.

this is a great reminder of who we are supposed to strive to be.

I am glad you found answers too.  :)

[theyareallmine]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 3:18 PM

I am so sorry that you were treated that way at a time in your life when the Love of Christ should have been enveloping you through His people.

I am glad that you have found some people who show that love now.

 

[Momma_Halo]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 3:21 PM

Thanks you guys. Me too, it was hard for me for a long time and I grew angry and bitter towards the religion. I finally told God and Jesus I didn't hate them and I was so sorry for my actions towards them.

What someone told me was maybe He sent me on this path because his followers falled both myself and Him.

(Original Poster)

[BrknWingAngel]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 3:26 PM

I am thrilled that you were once losted but found by another group. That made you strong enough to find the inside of you...the real strong woman. But I am even prouder to hear that you found Christ in your own time and in your own way. They say the real church of Jesus Christ is your body in your heart. You I see have found that and so much more. For me, Jesus and me have our own thing going on..He is not ony my Father but He is my best friend. His Bible is my instruction on how to walk and talk like him. I am a sinner no matter what but he loves me still. I do not preach to the ones who does not want to hear it. But I do speak about Him only when I feel like someone is saying something wrong about Him. Or if I feel like God has pushed me towards that person. I do not judge anyone..for only God can judge then. For if I am a fake or not..only God, Himself can tell you that. But I know without HIm I am nothing.

[Momma_Halo]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 3:30 PM

Good point. Maybe I should edit the fake part. It sounds kind of harsh.

(Original Poster)

[Momma_Halo]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 3:42 PM

Falled him? Woops meant failed... ugh finals week is hell lol.

(Original Poster)

[Momma_Halo]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 4:35 PM

Ok edited

(Original Poster)

[evwsquared]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 6:58 PM

I don't think that you turned away from God, you just looked for a path that would allow you to be close to him at a time when your usual path had been cut off from you. It didn't happen to be a Christian path, but I believe the same intention was there.

[logansmomma2007]

Jul. 15, 2009 at 8:28 PM

You go girl!!

[geminilove]

Jul. 16, 2009 at 1:14 PM

Heh - I've said for a long time that I have no problem with Christ. It's just some of his fan club that scares me.

Or to quote my favorite TV show: "God save us from half the people who think they are doing God's work."