HATE is such a strong word... - Journals

VeronicaJane's Journal

HATE is such a strong word...
Jul 16, 2009 at 10:41 AM
By
- VeronicaJane
Message Friend Invite
Comments (2) Total Views (68) Everyone can see this journal post.

But I feel that I am getting there.

Last weekend, I had an affair on my STBX and he found out about it. I am not sorry and if I had it to do all over again, I would. It's not like it matters anyway, we are definitely getting a divorce.

Anyway, STBX is still living with me- stupid me for dropping the hearing on provisional orders. I guess I will never try to be nice again. Things have gone very sour since last weekend. However, I'm glad he found out about the affair because he still had it in his head that someday we would work things out and get back together. Actually, when he found out about it, he said to me, "It just makes me wanna give up hope that we will ever be together again." !!! I know for sure that I never want to be with him ever again.

This is where my vent comes in: He used up all the fone time on his prepaid fone to text MY sister, MY friend, and MY BOSS text messages along the lines of "Veronica slept with some guy at the bar." How immature and childish is he going to get? Needless to say, I didn't know that he had texted my boss until Monday and it was the most awkward conversation I had ever had with him. My boss just so happens to be STBX's attorney for his paternity case and he does it pro bono! My boss said that STBX was very childish and that he is withdrawing his appearance from the case and is no longer going to represent him. So, STBX screwed himself out of an attorney. His fault.

Then, STBX keeps calling the man I had an affair with my "boyfriend." This only gets on my nerves because he is not my boyfriend but he is also not some guy I just met at the bar either. I have known him for over a month now and he and I are in very similar situations. I think we both were looking for emotional support and it just happened.

Anyway, I had an appointment with a mental health services place yesterday and they evaluated me. Evidently I have high anxiety and depression. On my next appointment, I will see the doctor so that she can determine how bad my depression is and more than likely prescribe me meds. My appointment was out of town, about 45 minutes away from home and I didn't get out until about 2:15. I decided that since I was only 15 minutes away from my best friend's house, that I would go ahead and visit her. She and I don't get much time to hang out anymore. Well, we talked for a while then went out for a late lunch. I didn't get home until 6:00, which is an hour later than I said I would be home. So, I got accused of going to my "boyfriend's" house which is rediculous because I wouldn't lie if I did. There is no reason for lying about it now.

So, STBX took the car to "check on his applications" and ran out my gas (I didn't know until this morning when I was leaving for work and the car wouldn't start). BTW, he still doesn't have a job so it isn't like he is contributing. Then, after he got back, he took off walking and didn't come back until 10:30 last night. I didn't get my jog in- I am on a strict exercise routine- and it pissed me off. Sometimes I just wanna go off on him. Then, I had to walk 8 long blocks to the gas station to get my gas this morning. Then I had to walk those same 8 blocks back to the apartment carrying the gas can. I was 45 minutes late to work. I would've made STBX do it- cause he ran it out- but I knew I wouldn't be nice about it so I didn't bother.

On top of that, he still BEGS me to buy him his cigarettes and pay his internet bill and let him use my gas money to supposedly look for a job. Well, after what has happened in the past 24 hours, he's not getting another thing from me. He has done nothing but disrupt my NORMAL EVERYDAY routine since I filed for divorce.

What makes this all worse is that my apartment that I am moving into isn't going to be ready for another week because they have to install a new hot water heater. I am just so bitchy feeling right now.

Sorry for the length and thanks for reading if you have made it this far. Also, please don't bash me for the affair, things are a lot more complicated than what I can explain.

Add A Comment