You know, I've learned something today...

[GothyMama]

Ok, maybe not TODAY, but since having my son.  I've learned that for the most part, parenting styles have nothing to do with the parent, it's all about the BABY.  See, my daughter was a very "attachment" style baby.  No other style would've worked on her.  She would have almost certainly been failure to thrive if we tried anything like Baby Wise or Ferber method or any of those.  She co-slept until she was 2, breastfed (and is still breastfeeding), was carried in a sling more often than a stroller, and all those typically "attachment-style" things.  But that's what worked for HER!

My son, well, it's a bit different with him.  I tried co-sleeping with him, and he's ok with it, but he's also ok in his crib.  Isabel would have NEVER gone in her crib.  And despite latching on PERFECTLY with breastfeeding, I had to return to work after 6 weeks (with my daughter I got 12), and as soon as he got a bottle, he barely ever wants to nurse (a long drawn out battle with thrush didn't help either).  Isabel had the opposite problem.  I ended up having to quit the job I had because she REFUSED to take a bottle.  He still likes some of the "AP" things, he likes to be worn, he doesn't mind co-sleeping.  But, he doesn't nurse to sleep (hasn't from day one), he actually likes binkies and swaddling and falling asleep on his own.  I haven't forced any of these things on him, but every single piece of mainstream advice I read about when I was pregnant with Isabel that I thought was complete bull with her, actually WORKS with him.

So maybe, just maybe, before you judge another mother before how she parents, stop and think.  MAYBE that wasn't originally how they planned on parenting, maybe that's just how their baby wanted to be babied.  Seriously, I went into mothering my daughter thinking "Ok, she'll sleep in a crib, I'll put her down 'sleepy but awake', she'll ride in a stroller, she'll have a baby swing and an excersaucer and blah blah blah."  NONE of that stuff happened.  I tried "cry it out" ONCE with her, she screamed and would not let up.  I could not let her do that.  The ONLY way she would fall asleep was by nursing.  With my son, I went into parenting thinking "Ok, I'll co-sleep with him, breastfeed exclusively (until I go back to work and he'll need bottles), wear him in a sling, and not even bother with the crib or the swing, blah blah blah."  Umm, yeah, well needless to say we ended up needing the swing because he didn't like the sling.  And I just set up the crib for him and he's sleeping in it now.  Pretty much all the "mainstream" advice I read works for him.  Seriously.  

So, what kind of parent am I?  Attachment or mainstream?  How about... whatever works?  Whatever makes everyone happiest, gets everyone the most sleep, allows everyone to thrive?

Can we end the Mommy Wars now??  Please?  ha... yeah like that'll happen! 

[PammyK]

Jul. 18, 2009 at 7:18 PM

I agree with you!  Every baby is different and needs different things.  I have 3 daughters and had to adjust with each one.  Now that they are grown and I have two grandbabies, what worked with their moms, does not work with them.  Basically, my parenting style was and is...go with the flow.

[TreseLapish]

Jul. 18, 2009 at 10:00 PM

I'm in the exact same boat as you!  I was very AP with Christian b/c that's what he needed.  I used to move him from our bed to the bassinet right next to me and he would wake up screaming!  He never took a pacifier or a bottle; we ended up starting him on a sippy at 4 months b/c he would not eat for hours when I was in school. Owen on the other hand falls right asleep in the bassinet.  He likes being worn when we are out, but when at home he'd much rather stretch out on a blanket and look around.  He takes a pacifier with ease so there's not so much comfort nursing and although he's only had a bottle a twice he took it with no problem both times.  Carl and I were laughing the other day b/c Owen has been sleeping thru the night about a month now and Christian, although we moved him to his own room, still wakes up and comes into our room 1-2 times a week...

[__Jayne__]

Jul. 18, 2009 at 11:43 PM

Lol.. I have a momma's boy and an indepedent little man.. Thing One is attatched to me.. just completely stuck on me.. and Thing Two could care less.. I really think it's a big deal when he decides I deserve a hug.. :-)