Last night I watched Extreme Home Makeover and what a waterfall of tears it caused. This family had a normal average life. They were happy and healthy, until one day they found out that their 4 year old had leukemia . His name is Job, named after the biblical man Job. According to the mother (I don't read the bible so I do not know the story of Job) Job suffered most of his life but the later part of his life was wonderful and blessed and she is hoping the same for her son. This family had so much faith in God and I have always noticed suffering families normally do. How can you have faith in God when your child is dying? How can you have faith in God when you cannot afford to fix your home to keep it safe for your sick child? How can families with such suffering and sadness keep that faith? Then there are people like me who have no faith. I have never suffered or been without. My health and the health of my children and husband is perfect. My plate is full and my home warm. Yet I have no faith. I have always been a little jealous of the people with a strong faith in the lord. Those families that pack up every Sunday and make their way to their church, celebrate with fellow believers, and have that fellowship.
How do I, a person without faith, find fellowship? Where is my community of people? I have gone to many churches hoping that something would touch me deeply enough that I to could join the faithful and the fellowship but it never happens. I believe in the sun, the stars, the moon, the trees, and all the nature around me. Couldn't the earth just always have been, just as God has? Why does their have to be a creator? What is around me is concrete, I can see it, smell it, touch it, taste it. God or his son are not in my hands, I cannot feel them around me, and I do not see them with my eyes.
How do they have such faith in nothing? The jealousy I carry, that they can see, feel, touch, and taste such a super natural being can be bothersome at times. I ignore it and pack it away and close my eyes and feel the sun on my face. I smile and nod to you who have faith. I hope you have enough for the rest of us.