Just for Today July 21

[maidn]

Have you ever found your self milling over the same old resentments and anger.Running like a tape on loop you play and replay all the hurtful negative words and actions done to you on an endlesssly. Having been raised in a dysfunctional home and then marrying an abusive man , who I stayed with for 15 years gave me a lot of ammunition in that arena. I could lay awake nights going over and over in my head all the stuff I could of said , If only I had did this or said that. I had so much pent up rage and frustration it would near drive me crazy some nights . I wanted to hurt them as bad as they had hurt me . Until one day I realized how truly pointless this exercise was. I was doing nothing but feeding my own anger and I still felt as powerless and helpless as before. Even more so maybe because if I hadn't fixed the situation the first time ,going back and making up little scenarios of revenge certainly weren't going to change anything. So I tried to think of something I could do with all that anger. And then I discovered a way to rid myself of it . And it was as easy as sitting at my computer . I found that I could use my journaling . I started by writing out all the things he had did or said that had hurt me . I replayed all those scenes in vivid detail , I poured out of me all the hate , rage and helplessness that I felt pent up in side of me. I used all the language I cared to , described every hurtful thing I wanted to do to him I wrote and wrote until I had drug every last emotion out of me. There were nights I wrote for hours. My favorite I hate my ex-husband songs blaring over the speakers , tears streaming down my face I would hammer away at the keyboard with such a vengeance my fingers would hurt. And then exhausted , spent I'd force myself to read through what I'd wrote. Then I would sit back , take a breath and remind myself that I was no longer there , no longer that woman and the past was just that the past. As a final step I'd highlight the entire page and with purpose hit the delete button! Looking at the fresh clean page in front of me I would remind myself that my new story begins here.