Give him what he wants!

[Momma_Halo]

I have been thinking about something that has been bothering me for months. A topic about buying your children what ever he needs or wants. People say I am not being fair to my son that I decided when he is old enough he should work.

They think I am not being fair that my son won't be getting designer clothes unless he earns it. Or that I won't be buying him a car unless he promises to build the engine with his father.

People think that because I have my son help me in the garden and help clean the house I am emasculating him.

So why do I do these things? Why do I decide to teach my son these lessons? What could I possibly be teaching him with this?

For one, life is hard and I can't explain it without him understanding how the world works. He needs to learn that you have to earn everything. You have to earn those hot new shoes, you need to earn respect, and you need to earn your way to the end of the yellow brick road. Does that seem unfair? Life is unfair. Some things are fair while most of it isn't.

In today's society if you didn't start working at 15 it is hard as heck to really go anywhere. All the success stories of top millionaires admit they started working at 15 and moved their way up. Rarely do you hear a success story where some little kid found the right networks straight out of high school.

Also he needs to learn how to take care of himself so when he moves out he knows how to keep his house or apartment clean and to take care of his things. And if he falls on hard times how to grow his own garden. This teaches him responsibility. And that he shouldn't expect a woman to do everything for him. I would so be pissed if he ever told me that.

Now I don't believe in buying designer stuff much. I mean a few here and there but they are way to expensive and I don't like most of the designs. I myself am a designer and am learning how to sew. I want my son to learn from me. Make your own styles and if you make it you will cherish it more. If you earn those designer clothes you will cherish it more. The more he learns this the less he expects these things to be handed to him.

I have never bought my son designer clothing. My mother has bought him a Calvin Kline suit before that was cute but I have always bought him things on sale and for cheap where I am not paying an arm and a leg for it.

The car was my husbands idea. He wanted a father son project to teach him about cars. My husbands plan was to buy a muscle car shell and he found an awesome engine that goes into a Ford F150. They are going to build that car up together. He wants to get Tomas interested in it from the time he can understand what Daddy is talking about until he is old enough to drive. And for some that wants to argue that "It depends on what he wants" This boy has been obsessed with vehicles and engines since he was a baby. Constantly crying unless he was with Daddy watching him fix and engine. He would be buckled into a stroller in the garage sitting next to Daddy as he fixed the engines. His eyes fastened on every move his father made.

So why do I teach all this to my son? I won't use the excuse "Well I was taught this and I am fine" but I watch his cousins who have everything handed to them and they have literally no imagination or any idea of how to get what they want. You tell them you will pay them 20 dollars to mow the lawn so they can go to the movies and they tell me "Pffft work?! Why?!" They think they will have life handed to them until the day they die. I worry that my son will learn that as well. And no I won't be always cruel to my son. He will get rewards for awesome grades, birthday presents, and other things for special occasions.

Like the kids think I am so cool that I am learning how to sew to get those awesome clothes I want or costumes. They find me cool that I know how to get those high fashions without hitting the bank. Or they are astounded that I can barter for what I want by trading something. They DON'T know how to do this. They weren't taught those skills. And I want my son to know them. Because money is a fickle thing... there one minute and gone the next.

He watches Mommy and Daddy bust their butts daily for the life they want in school and even watches us take on tough jobs to get us through until graduation but he has always been told we do it because we are earning our easy life.So he is also seeing that college is VERY important.

So when he leaves my house it won't be a huge shock at 18. He will know what is coming and how to fight it. And also how to keep his faith when the world seems so dim.

[Lesli]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 12:28 AM

I think you sound like a terrific mom! And I voted this popular.

[Momma_Halo]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 1:10 AM

Thank you so much :). It brightens my day to see a compliment like that.

(Original Poster)

[geminilove]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 9:07 AM Momma Halo, I agree 100%. Even my own family says I'm too hard on my boys because at 11 and 9, I expect them to help around the house and teach them how to cook, etc.

I look at them and sa, "and in just a few short years, they will be 18 and the rest of the world will simply expect them to know this stuff. No one out there is going to hand them anything. My job as MOM is to prepare them for LIFE."

[lilahsmommy]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 9:18 AM

I agree...this is how I'm raising my little girl!

[logansmomma2007]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 9:48 AM

I agree that as parents we need to teach our children to not be lazy bums.  I started working a part time job at 15 and I will encourage my children to do the same.  There is nothing wrong with it. 

Naturally, they will also learn handy work.  Logan is already very intrigued by the stuff that his father does around the house and he is only two!  I doubt he will have any problems in that department. 

[bamamom2212]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 10:10 AM

  You go Mom. I am proud to hear i am not the only one that thinks that way. Our oldest two children had choires as early as five. My husband have always belived that having responsiblity teaches them to be stong. feeding the cats and keep there rooms clean. Vaccumming and dusting. They are grown now and have there own places and keep there apartments spotless. They know how to iron. they know how to sew things that need repair. They have had jobs since they were in 9th grade and both are in College. They have thanked my husband and me both for being hard on them and teaching them what we did. They say they people at college that expect there parents to pay for everything and they can't respect that. They see people having dirty places and want even go in it. We taught them well. Our youngest two are still learning but they do there choires with no grip and smile while they do it. I never have to tell them to clean there rooms or wash there clothes. They do it there selves. My husband and i give our children what we can afford and they have to earn it. We have made them strong people and our children will be good citizens. We are both college educated people but are not rich at all. We have seen hard times and our children have watched us intensely and have learned how to handle things the right way. One thing parents have not learned yet is that if you don't teach conceqences they are doomed make huge mistakes. We can not resucue them , they have to rescue thereselves.

 Thanks for posting this i am glad i am not alone in my belives. I grew up the same way and i am a happy, well rounded woman , wife and mother, and gradmother.

[frankiesmom125]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:16 PM

I agree with you 1000%!!!  I wanted my own phone line in my room when I was 14.  I got a job.  I gave my Mom $20.00 per paycheck for that phone.  I kept that line until I moved out, never missing a bill once.  My DH saved and saved and saved for his mustang at 16.  His Grandmother helped with the last bit.  He did her yardwork every summer for almost 10 years to make up for it.  My son will be raised exactly the same.....

[Momma_Halo]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 6:01 PM

Thank you girls I am so glad I am not the only one who thinks this way. I get a lot of flack from my husbands family and even from mine. I just needed to get my thoughts written out.

(Original Poster)

[emslala]

Jul. 23, 2009 at 4:37 AM

You sound like a great mom to me!!
There is NOTHING wrong with teaching your son to be self-sufficient, as well as responsible for himself. If anything, that is empowering him, *not* emasculating him. IMHO, moms that tell you that are jealous that they didn't think of it first!  ;)
((HUGS))
Voted up!!