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Autism/Asperger's syndrome... My Thoughts.
- Jul 22, 2009 at 11:31 AM
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- Comments (67) Total Views (2045) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am 28 years old and I found out I have Asperger's syndrome just this year. Asperger's is a form of high-functioning autism. Unfortunately, I can't tell many people I know in real life about it because I've been told that I might lose friends that way or end up having people treat me like a disability victim. In real life I have to "act" normal for acceptance. On Cafemom, I don't :) I've made the friends I have on here because of the things I don't hide from them...not because of the things I do. This is why I'm OK saying this on here.
I have been researching Asperger's and autism obsessively (it's become one of my obsessive interests now LOL) since then. (Yes, OCD can be a symptom/result of autism.) I have noticed that there seems to be two "sides" to the whole thing, kind of like politics, and I don't understand this. These groups on CM that are for parents of autistic kids are extremely depressing to me. The way people talk on here, it seems like every one's kid has been diagnosed with untreatable cancer! I understand that it is hard to understand kids with Asperger's...and I can't even imagine one with low functioning autism...but the idea that autistic people are as "shut off" inside as they seem to be outside is totally wrong...and I would think parents of autistic kids would know that. It seems like the general consensus is that adult autistics who are successful in life don't exist. This could not be farther from the truth. I do believe it it were known how many people have autistic traits, that it wouldn't be seen as such a horrible thing. I've been to forums for people with Asperger's/autism and their POV's should really be heard by more people than just each other. It's a totally different world, and these people are very intelligent and have LOTS of feelings...even the ones who can't talk in real life. I don't deny that I probably caused my mom some grief, but I did great in school (always A's and B's and never got in trouble). My problem stems from my interaction with people who don't understand me. Besides that, I would NEVER allow someone to "cure" me. In fact I love how my brain works. I was disappointed to find that so many of the things I LIKE about myself were listed as symptoms of a "disorder". I personally think that autism is simply a natural mutation....whether it's something that's always existed or something that's newer I don't know, but I really can't see how a chemical poisoning could give me all these GOOD personality traits. Not being able to relate to 90% of the population sucks, true.....but wouldn't that be true if you went to a country whose culture was completely different and who spoke a different language? It would be isolating and probably depressing not having anyone to interact with, but would you want the natives to diagnose you with a disorder because of it?
I realize that there are low-functioning autistics who ARE disabled and I don't deny this...but I said it was a natural mutation...which are not necessarily always good. Evolution happens when mutations help a species. I think if this mutation were allowed to continue to evolve, the "kinks" would work themselves out and the traits that cause low-functioning individuals so many problems would gradually become more and more rare.
I think the problems in school for higher-functioning autistics mostly come from the idea that ALL kids should mature at the same level and learn the exact same way. This is not possible, autistic or not. I think if kids were not all forced to learn by sitting in a desk listening to lectures, there would be a LOT less diagnosis of ADHD. If every kid were allowed to learn at their own pace, as they do when they're babies, there would be less kids with learning disability diagnosis. I'm not saying these disorders don't exist, but does it need to be seen as a disability? Who got to choose who is "normal" as far as developmental levels and how kids learn? Every one's brain is wired differently whether you're "normal" or not. I don't think there is any "normal". There may be a majority (so we think) of people who are similar...but majority does not always mean superiority. We acknowledge that there are predominantly right-brained and left-brained individuals. We acknowledge that there are more visual learners and more hands-on learners. We even acknowledge that left vs. right handed tendencies cannot be controlled. So why not go all the way and realize that everyone is different and build our education systems around that instead of trying to force every kid into a pre-formed mold?
I'm sure everyone remembers Steve Irwin (RIP)...and I'm sure there's no one who would disagree that he had ADHD :) But did it hurt him? Did his parents go to support groups and vent about how hard it was to raise him? No, they allowed him to have his interests and put all his extra energy into them. They supported his difference instead of being depressed about it or trying to control it and I'm sure that support helped him a lot.
Anyone heard of Einstein? He probably had Asperger's. Do we wish there had been a "cure" for Asperger's back then so that he wouldn't have had to "suffer"? If he had been "cured" (along with countless other autistic-type people who are probably scientists), we wouldn't have many of the technological advances and scientific discoveries we have now because those people would just be normal and think like everyone else.
It seems that this is what everyone wants, for everyone to think like everyone else. I see it all the time in the forums and Answers section on Cafemom. If one person can easily do something a certain way or believe something, then everyone else should be able to also! They're just not trying hard enough if they don't! Sorry, but that's not how human beings work. Our brains are as unique as our faces and fingerprints. If our outside physical appearance can be so drastically different from each other, then why does everyone assume that we're all the same inside? The brain dictates EVERYTHING about us. I quickly learned from studying Asperger's syndrome that most of the decisions I've made, ways I've acted in situations, and even beliefs I have, which I thought I had chosen completely on my own, are actually typical of people with a brain like mine. This leads me to believe that there could probably be a diagnosis written up for several variations of "normal" people that could predict just as well what their life would be like. We really don't have as much free will as everyone would like to think. This has made me extremely less judgmental of others. I've even become more empathetic to criminals. I think we have evolved to be VERY much more understanding of difference than humans have been in the past. No one gets stoned or burned at the stake for having a belief or abnormal personality trait anymore. But we still have a long way to go. People who reject science slow down this process, but I believe we will overcome that. Just remember, the people who reject new ideas and cling to old rules that are irrelevant to modern times can't control how their mind works any more than I can. :)
Comments:
Welcome to my world. I am 21 and have autism and have similar thoughts (will admit I skimmed through right now because I have sick kids).
Almost forgot.....this is MY journal, so I can advertise MY new group! It's called "Moms on the Spectrum" and it's for moms who HAVE autism or Asperger's themselves. Here's the address:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/momswithautism
Beautifully said B! My son has "traits" of Asperger's and it's been a rough ride. I applaud you and hope your group does extremely well! I've missed you by the way :)
Dude, apparently I need to read screennames, lol. Hi. I didn't even realize this was you until I just came back to this entry. Wow. I am SOO not with it today.
GREAT JOURNAL B...
LOVE IT!!!
I too do not feel I am broken and do not need to be *fixed* or *cured*... my brother I also suspect has Asperger's- has a high paying job as a computer programmer... he has been more (financially) successful, I think partly due to the societial idea of okay behavior for males vs females- and the fact that he kept *plugging away* at college. HOWEVER- my marriage and family life is more successful than his... so who is to say who is better off??
I, on the other hand, have felt so BAD about myself because of society's tight rules on how we are supposed to be that I have been struggling... now with this realization, I feel free to be me! LOL and am going BACK to school to get a *real job* hahaha...
Thanks for your friendship B, it means a lot to me...C
The group is awesome and growing quickly- and MCG is an awesome group owner ;-D, join us!!!
:)
krisr: "Beautifully said B! My son has "traits" of Asperger's and it's been a rough ride. I applaud you and hope your group does extremely well! I've missed you by the way :)"
Missed me in Answers you mean? I will get back into it....I've just been obsessing over this lately :) I kind of went through a phase of "wow....so other people really don't think like me? Maybe I should shut up then" when I first found this out LOL. But now I'm back to "Nah, I'm still right" hehe :)
I vote this popular, Us "Aspies" have to stick together.
Wow, this was awesome. Thanks for sharing this personal part of your life. I already thought along some of these lines, but you developed the ideas so much better :-)
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Im voting this popular I wish more people looked at aspergers and adhd like this.
My son is high functioning aspergers and just recently diagnosed adhd as well and we treat him like any other kid would be treated. I get so tired of people making their children feel disabled because of this. When I see some of the things my son does or hear the things he says all the possibilities go through my head about what he can do when he grows up. Engineer, architect. the list goes on.
As a family we have a few friends who were told as growing up they were borderline mentally retarded (I hate that word). And they are so hard on themselves they are extremely intelligent I don't care what anyone says . . how can people say that the way they learn isn't smart? How can anyone say the way I learn isn't smart?
Sorry for going off hehe but you are sooooo right
- Ladyslipr
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