-
Return of the Redneck Bride...Western Union Style
- Jul 22, 2009 at 2:00 PM
- By
- Comments (7) Total Views (105) Everyone can see this journal post.
Many of you who have known me a while know that I have a work friend who I sometimes call "redneck bride". She & I worked together several years ago in a team capacity, and as such we became friends both inside & outside of work.
She was a single mom, and worked really hard to turn her life around. Lost 200 lbs through gastric bypass, and found "love". I was really pulling for her.
However, during their courtship, there were many signs that this man & his family were bad news. It kind of came to a head at their wedding, which ended up being at our home (click on the link to read all about it). Later on, I found out more disturbing information about her new stepson & his temper. Needless to say our relationship cooled to being friendly only at work, and Husband's family isn't let anywhere near Andrew.
It's been a long time since I wrote about Redneck Bride. Here's the recap, and the latest...
1) Redneck Husband doesn't have a license. Got his 3rd DUI in 2006. Lost his license for good. Told Bride that it was for 3 years when they got engaged. Lately he told her the real truth -- it's 3 years from when he completes either a 14-day inpatient, or 90-day AA rehab program. And during that 3 years, has to stay stone cold sober.
1A) Redneck husband continues to drink. About 2 cases a week - 48 beers. That's a clip of about 6 a day. He's cut back though, according to Bride!
1B) Bride drives him to the bus station every morning, and picks him up every night. He got a promotion at work, but now has to work as a grocery manager at the store farthest from where he lives (low man on totem pole w/promotion).
2) Apparently there was contention over Mother's Day. Since Bride was not the mother of any of HIS children, he should not have to honor her on Mother's Day. And spent the day with HIS mom. That went over well. (Not so much).
3) 20-YO Stepson (the one who liked to beat on kids) lived with Bride & Hubby until about 2 weeks ago. At which time they found out he downloaded Pay Per View porn every day, and would have drunk parties at home (during the day) while the 2 of them worked. He also broke their lawn tractor/riding mower trying to "pop a wheely" while intoxicated. Apparently light & food & cable bills were in excess of $1000/month. None of which appears to have be added to his rent.... When asked if Bride supplied the minor alcohol, she said she "didn't know where he got it from". Um...the 2 cases a week?
4) Bride comes down to my office today, in tears. Shuts the door. Tells me that she's going to lose her jeep if she doesn't get current in payments by today. She asks me for help. I ask her what kind of help -- groceries, gas?. She says she needs $600. Yeah -- six hundred dollars. Today. Or no Jeep. I ask her how long she's known about the bills. She says she's at least 2 months behind, but has caught up everything other than the jeep. Something doesn't add up. She could have cancelled the cable. Or worked extra hours at her 2nd job (she only works Fri & Sat nights). Or Hubby could have worked extra hours elsewhere in his stores. For 2 months, if they knew this was coming. And when I asked what Hubby was doing to help -- she said he's trying -- and wouldn't explain how. When I asked if the stepson will be paying her back for the cable charges & damages, she said that Hubby refuses to go after the money because stepson is already "mad" that they kicked him out. Apparently losing his wife's car is OK, but taking responsibility for his son's actions is not.
I don't want to sound cold. And I hope that you all understand that I'm not trying to be. For many of my friends, I would give them money (when I have it) for groceries, or gas -- if they really were in dire straits. I have a hard time paying for a car payment, that's used to cart around a guy who won't give up alcohol & treats his wife poorly, and lets his adult son off the hook. Especially when its his son who's helped to put them in this mess.
Man -- I feel for her. I really do. And I can imagine how hard it is to ask someone for money. I've been close to that point myself before, alone living paycheck to paycheck. But every time I think about giving her the money, I feel like it enables her husband & stepson, and bails them out for bad choices and poor behavior. And while its not necessarily her behavior that's caused the situation, she allows them to live there, and allows it to continue. And I continue to feel bad -- I know she needs a stable friend right now, but I can't in good faith suck my family into this redneck soap opera of morals & values that is so skewed from our own.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Comments:
I would, but we don't work the same schedule anymore. And she already called to see if I could take the hubby to the bus station.
Let's see, pay my car or pay my cable. Rough choice. What is the worst thing that will happen if they turn off the cable vs. how the heck am I going to get to work without a car. (not to mention the equity in the car.) Too bad, I bet the car is the only thing in her name too! Which of course would explain why it wasn't the first thing on his list to get paid.
I have to totally agree with you. Why can't he WALK to the bus stop?? Greg walked to the bus stop when we didn't have a car. He never once complained about it but I felt bad because he worked his butt off and had to do the same in reverse to get home. I think she is doomed even if you help her. I think it will end up being one thing after another with her if you give in. I would have to agree with no sucking your family into this mess. This is just such a bad situation all the way around!! Sorry you have such a tough choice to make.
You know how I feel about this, well, at least I think you know how I feel about this.. I wouldnt do it... and if .. IF you do give it.. give it without expecting it back.. give it as a gift and not a loan..
You already know what you need to do....
I am like Tigger I too hate that she has put you in this situation.....
dk
I am completly behind you... and if you need beside or in front of you!!! You can not give her this money. It will only empower him more. Unfortunatly some folks need to hit rock bottom before they see the light. Evidently this isn't bottom.
Holy crap , dont enable them they will just screw you in the end. If she cant afford it how would she pay you back????
Already a member? Click here to log in
Check out these Tasty Treats from The Stir's partners:
The saga does continue. You could offer her a ride to and from work until things got sorted out.
- manders018
Message Friend Invite