Entitlement?

[Petie]

So, I was thinking today and I realized I am guilty of some of this too.  But, are we raising our kids to have a sense of entitlement and a lack of independence?  I ask because of a few things, things I have read, seen etc.  For instance.....a parent refuses to let their 8 year old ride the bike a block or two away, and if they do allow it, they worry the whole time.  Now, I know there are dangers, but honestly, statistically speaking this is safer than driving them to school.  A parent buys their child a toy because they did something good, why is it not good enough to give them a pat on the back and have them realize that the pride in themselves is the reward.  I do this too, and I am really starting to reevaluate my position on these things.  Gifts should be gifts, not bribes, they should come with no strings attached.  How about the idea that if a child comes home from school and complains about the teacher, often times the parent takes the child's side, without even hearing the teacher out.  I try to listen to my child then speak with the teacher, then make a decision.  Rambling thoughts I know, but honestly, it has been bugging me quite a bit.  Ok so maybe dd's birthday is bringing some of it out.  When I went to birthday parties as a kid, UNLESS it was MY birthday, I took something in for the birthday child, and walked out with a belly full of cake and ice cream but no goody bag.  Who made the rule that no child can leave without recieving a gift?  HELLO IT'S NOT THEIR BIRTHDAY.  Gifts should be for the child that the party is for, not for everyone else.  And what does this teach a child, "If Johnny gets something than I should too".  Oh, and need and want, this one bugs me soo much. "I need a new game"  NO YOU WANT IT.  "I need new shoes"  Unless your toes are crushed or their are holes in the soles then you WANT new shoes.  Is there anything wrong with that, NO, but to feel that these things are needs is just ridiculous.

So, dss was talking about his boy scouts, and I didn't understand what he was saying so I looked up the standards.  For him to get his boy scouts patch he has to finish this stuff on the list.  This is what he was complaining about.  I asked him if he had seen the list, "yes, it's in the front of my book".  So WHY haven't you DONE them.  "The scoutmaster didn't tell me to"  But you KNOW you need to do them, so do them and let him know you are ready to recite this (something about describing the patch) to him.  Then you can get the patch.  "Well, shouldn't he tell me to do it first"  Not if he EXPECTS YOU to read the list and take some INITIATIVE, show some INDEPENDENCE, and PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.   Which, hello, is why most people send their kids to these types of clubs.  Maybe he wants to see that you are willing to do what you must even if you aren't led by the hand.  No, i wasn't that mean when I talked to him, but I did let him know that just because he isn't being spoonfed what needs to be done doesn't mean he isn't responsible for doing it.  But see, now, he is in such a sheltered environment most the time and isn't allowed to go ride his bike more than a block from home, and isn't allowed to take any initiative in the household.  He's 12.  So he has no clue how to do any of this. 

 

OK ramble over and I know it doesn't make any sense, but needed to get it off my chest.  PLEASE do NOT take offense to any of this.  Just take it for what it is, a frustrated parent releasing some frustration.

[scrappysmom]

Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:41 PM

I totally understand what you are saying.  Its so true.  We just went through this with our 11 yr old about expectations and independance.  Also,  understand about the getting something in return for something done.  We should teach them to just do because you should.