Goodbye Kate Moss, Hello Marilyn

[princezzmommie]

I am a huge burn notice fan.  The other day, I was watching intently, dreaming of doing x-rated things to Micheal Weston (like any woman watches this show for any other reason) and Gabrielle Anawar came strolling by.  She plays Fiona.  She's really pretty now, but before she dropped like 30 lbs she was beautiful.  I had seen her in a lifetime movie and she was plumper but much prettier.  Watching this show, (and counting Gabby's ribs through the skimpy top she had on) I did what I'd been waiting to do since I gained this extra weight.  I hit bottom.

The way my psyche works is unusual.  I have to hit bottom before I can move on and up, but I can't stay at bottom.  I hit it and quit it in a matter of minutes.  On the upswing from my 'if i don't lose this weight i'm gonna be a cow forever' thing, I started thinking. 

I haen't eaten a full meal (with the exception fo being preggo) in...God must be at least 20 years.  I kid you not. I started watching my weight when I was in the third grade.  My dad made a comment, (a smarmy, tell-m-off-in-return comment), and instead of snapping back at him like I should have done I went on a diet to end all diets. 

Now, I'm done.  I started thinking and thinking.  This is what I have come up with.  Women are starving themselves to be thin and pumping themselves up with silicone to have curves.  If these same women would have eaten a burger on occasion, they could have saved themselves all this money and pain, and gotten those curves naturally.  Breasts are composed of fat tissue.  Hips and bootie too.  These women would have been happier and nicer had they  not been starving.  I know I would have been.

Around this point, I hit my same old wall.  I don't want to be fat and gross. Who does? But unlike normal times, instead of jumping up and going cut the grass  at noon, or doing 100 situps that don't do any damned good anyway, I went to my computer. I was thinking why not get some exercises off the 'net?  What I got instead, was my new outlook on my outward apperance. 

I tapped the mouse and up popped my email, typed up neatly on a stat of none other than America's ideal sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe.  Well guys, Ms Monroe had a rocking figure and no one can deny it and I sure as hell wish I had known those exact figures long ago.  According to her dressmaker, her figure was 36-25-37.  That puts her in a size 8 or so by today's standards.  An 8.  When i'm not retaining water, that is extremely close to my figure. Who knew? I sure didn't.  I've been starving myself for decades and I'm really rocking Marilyn's figure.

I know that standards change.  But also, I know this. Hundreds of years after being painted, Mona Lisa still has the most famous smile in the world.  Queen Neffertitti is still, thousands of years later, acknowledged as one of the most beautiful women ever to live.  And Helen of Troy, if I am not mistaken, was born before Christ.  And I'd bet my bottom dollar, three hundred years from now,  curvy blondes will still be the American ideal. 

This is my stand.  I'm going to work on keeping myself toned and trimed.  No flabby armwings or cellulite for me.  Yes it will be hard.  Especially with my menopause issues.  However, I'm not borderline aneroxic for nothing and I am sure I will eventually get to where I want to be.  I will be doing this as closely to normally as possible.  I will still cut the grass three times a week but i will no longer look heat stroke in the face and dare him to come get me by doing it at noon in August.  I will still have nothing but coffee for breakfast but from now on I will have lunch.  And I am sure I will still forget to eat when I'm busy but I will no longer stay busy so that I will forget to eat.  I will no longer look at a peice of cheesecake and bargain with myself.  I can eat this, but I will have to do 300 situps tonight or if I eat this I'm going to have to have to cut out sugar for a week.  I'm never going to look at a boiled crawfish again and think how fat am I going to be tomorrow after I eat this? 

I'm done with it all.  I'm 32 years old, almost always starving and I'm still not skinny.  What I am is bloated, retaining water and the owner of a very irate digestive system and a calorie starved neurological system. I'm not sure what I have accomplished by doing this to myself but I know what i'm going to accomplish by stopping.  I'm going to enjoy what I'm eating and not anticipate the workout I'm going to have to do to get rid of it.  I'm going to end this ridiculous obsession I have with my own ass (shut up sherri) and I'm going to avoid repeating the cycle by passing this on to my girl.

I'm going to get some sleep at night when I can.  I'm going to eat properly and work out like a normal person.  And right now, I'm going to go and snag a Hershey's Bliss on my way to the bath.

[maidn]

Jul. 23, 2009 at 3:19 AM Good for you. What a fabulous testament to loving yourself for yourself and not to societies unhealthy and twisted standard.
First and Last love you!!