I made it through today.

[MOmomof8]

Today was my momma's 73rd birthday, well it would have been if she hadn't passed away.  I really miss her.  We always made a special day for birthdays.  We had a big family dinner & she & I would do something together like lunch & shopping.   My momma made birthdays, holidays a big deal & I expanded on it.  She always cooked the birthday persons favorite meal on their birthday.  She even would do Thanksgiving dinner for me on my birthday.  What?  That has all my favorites, but I always wanted chicken instead of turkey.   I cooked her dinner on her birthday.  I'm glad we had a big family dinner last year.  She even dressed up for it.  The passed 10 years was hard on her.  She had to stop driving, start using a wheelchair parttime, among other things.  Then in the last few years she slowly went down farther.  She had gotten to the point that she couldn't move from her chair.  They kept a port-a-potty in the living room by her recliner.  She would fall asleep in the middle of me talking to her.  She loved to watch movies but couldn't stay awake to watch of one.  She had gotten even harder on me about my weight, my hair, the way I dress & church.  She drove me crazy about these things.  But I know it was cause she loved me & wanted only the best.  We didn't agree on what was best, alot of the time.  I love long straight hair but I have very natural curly hair & it fuzzes alot of the time.  She thought I was too old to have long hair & that I should love my curlys.  She also thought I should wear makeup especially eye makeup but it bothers my eyes too much so I don't wear any.  My hubby doesn't care so I put it on when it's a special occassion, that doesn't happen often.  My weight is something that I have been battling for years.  I take medication that causes weight gain but I do take one that causes weight loss.  So I guess they are fight each other & the gaining is winning.  I should exercise but I always have an excuse not to, I have alot of back pain & I'm depressed to the point that getting out of bed is work.  We were best friends & although at times it hurt me, I still understood why.  I miss her.  I used to call her every night at 10 pm & we would talk a minute or two sometimes & there were times we talked for almost an hour.  I will always miss her but I know she is in heaven with no pain & doing the things she loves.  She is united with her parents, my sister, her brothers & sisters & my grandson, Jonah.  I know someday I will be united with them so life goes on.

Today is also my grandson's 4th angel day.  Jonah was 17 months old & I was only around for his first 6 months.  His mom let me bring him home with me for 3 weeks & I am so thankful for that.  That is time I cherish.  He was such a happy baby.  He loved the color red & music.  He loved to be rocked & sang to.   He loved his bath time & eating time.  He would push my hand with the spoon into his mouth, I guess I wasn't feeding him fast enough.  He loved to have conversations with me.  We had a routine that we did every day & we both enjoyed it alot.  I will always be thankful to his mom for giving me this time with him.  The last time I saw him was on Sept 4th, 2003, he passed on July 23rd, 2004.  His mom & I disagree on what caused his death & we always will.  But I do believe that both of us are richer for having him in our lives & will always miss him in this life. 

Today is also my granddaughter's birthday.  She is my first grandchild & turns 13 today.  There were years that I didn't see her, have contact with her, or was allowed to send her anything.   Jonah's mom helped me find her mom on myspace so I know see pictures of her, know where she lives & how she is doing.  I will blog something about her & her mom will reply in a blog.  In this manner she has let me know what my granddaughter likes, how she does in school, & so on.  She is the daughter of my oldest son.  Her mom was his high school sweetheart.  They were not married & when she got married we weren't allowed contact anymore.  She was 4 years old the last time we saw her.  We only seen her twice a year before that, her birthday & Christmas.  I was just thankful that her mom let us know about her at all.  My son & her mom had parted ways before she gave birthday, I think it was around the time she got pregnant.   She is so pretty, she looks just like her mom.  She has beautiful long black hair.  We did meet her step-father before they married.  He seemed like a nice guy & I know he has taken good care of her.  Maybe some day I will get to see her again in this lifetime, I hope. 

Today is also the 4th anniversary of my hubby & mine 2nd date.  Why is this special to me?  It was the day I knew he was my prince charming, my knight in shining armour.   He was the frog I kissed that turned into my prince, my soulmate.  You see, we had made a date to meet at the car dealership cause I had to take my car in to have the air fixed.  On my way, I had a flat tire.  When I went to change it, I found that my son, Nick, had taken my tire iron.  So I couldn't do anything.  I had a prepaid cell phone with only 7 minutes left on it.  I called the dealership to see if they could send someone & to ask them to send Bob to me when he showed up.  I then started calling relatives that would be home & could help me, there was nobody home anywhere.  Finally the highway assit stopped but they wasn't sure they had anything to change my tire with.  After about 15 minutes they figured something out & changed it.  It was so hot that day & I had no air, I was dieing.  When I got to the dealership, Bob wasn't there.  He was running late due to his daughters & his checkbook.  He drove an explorer so that is what I was looking for on my way & didn't see him.  He showed up in a old pick-up.  He had gotten my message & went to find me.  I was almost in tears by the time he got there.  Oh yeah, I had gone to 2 atms to get cash & both were down so I had no money.   He took me to Walmart & bought me what I needed without me asking or even saying what I needed.  He bought me minutes for my phone (I didn't have his cell # cause we didn't think to exchange them), a 4-way for my car, something else but I can't think of what it was now, & some roses.  He took me out to eat at Applebee's after we picked up my car.  My air still didn't work, even though I told them exactly what was wrong.  They changed a part that didn't need changing in but I'm just a women so they didn't listen to & it was a woman that I was talking to at the repair desk.  I guess she thought she was the only woman who knew anything about cars.  Stupid, I hate that.  The rest of the night was great,  we spent the night talking among other things. 

So I have 2 sad things & 2 wonderful things on this date.  I guess though that I should count my momma's birthday as a wonderful thing since I wouldn't be here if not for her being born.  I'll try to remember that instead of how much I miss her today.  My granddaughter is also a mixed event since it is wonderful that she was born, it's sad that I don't see her.  Well, life does go on but that doesn't mean it isn't painful.

[moomers]

Jul. 24, 2009 at 8:58 AM

Yay!!!! You made it!!! Keep trying with the rest of your bunch!!!!I would send letters of kindness it least once a week.Eventually everyone softens.

[MOmomof8]

Jul. 25, 2009 at 5:21 AM

I've been thinking about that.  I still have some birthday gifts for the kids & my oldest son.  I think I will box them up & send them.  I was going to buy more for them but at this point forget it.  I also said no to our daughter last night.  She asked me to babysit while she went to work, 6 am to 10 am.  My back is killing me & I said no, I couldn't take care of them....I'm finally making some head way, I hope I can keep it up.

(Original Poster)