Me and my pride (some TMI)

[Mrs.BAT]

On this month's New Moon, I did a New Moon Abundance Check (spell) for $100 so that I could afford to have my Mirena taken out (that's what it would have been between the $75 removal fee and gas money to get to the place). Well, tonight one of our friends shows up (he's making like over $2,000 a month and is not going to have any expenses besides gas and food in about a week) and I said something about something good or whatever and he's like, "Well how 'bout this? This is better!" and hands me two $50s and tells me to go have my Mirena taken out. Well, early this morning the health department had called me andn told me they have an opening Monday, so I'm just going to go there. So I turned down the money (repeatedly throughout the night), even though I can't even afford to buy food (thankfully my baby's got tons of food to do her til my next paycheck next week), cat litter or pads. Yeah, on top of all the crap going on right now, I just got my first period since before I had the Mirena put in in December, so I have like nothing but liners and it's getting heavier. He even tried to tell us that we should consider it a late wedding gift since during that time when BAT and I got married, J. was basically a total ass to everyone (he was going through something on the road to growing up). But no, I have too much pride to accept charity from friends. Gifts, charity, whatever you want to call it, it's still the equivalent of someone basically saying, "Here! Have money! You're a poor bitch and I'm rollin' in dough!" It sounds awful the way I said that lol. But that's how it feels. I can't stand being the only one working. For this (two week) pay period I have *maybe* 24 total hours. It's insane. I'm not even bringing in $600 a month and we only have WIC as assistance. Between the power bill, food and gas.... By the beginning of my second week after I get paid, we're lucky to have $5 left to live on for the remaining week. I can't do this much longer. Now I'm wishing that I had just taken the money (as terrible as that makes me sound) because we soooo need it right now. It would probably be gone in two days because I would stock up on food and fill the tank with gas (something the poor car hasn't seen in at least a month or two). I swear when DH gets a job I'm not going to know how to act when I'm not hungry all the time. But at least my baby isn't hungry. I can live with it, but I couldn't live with myself if she wasn't eating well. I think until hubby gets a job I need to swallow my pride and go sign up for... *gulp* assistance.... I hate it. We've had it before, but he was making a little more money than I am when we had it before and I was pregnant, so I HAD to have healthy foods and stuff. Now,though... I don't know. I hate the thought of it, but at least then I would know that everyone in the house was eating alright at least. This is bugging me so bad. I just hate the looks some people give you at the store and stuff and I can hardly stand the thought of going through it again.

[Kristapista]

Jul. 25, 2009 at 3:39 AM I am sorry your family is struggling to make ends meet. I know the feeling as I had to take a medically necessary leave of absence from work from March-September for a rough pregnancy. Unfortunately, my husband makes too much for us to qualify for assistance - even if it was just to help with food. While it may hurt your pride, that is what it is there for. We have never qualified and it sure would have been helpful for us. Thankfully, our families were able to pitch in during this time and help us. Please take care of yourself and get the assistance if you can. It's not permanent. Best Wishes to you and your family.

[MunchiesMom324]

Jul. 25, 2009 at 9:50 AM

I understand the whole pride thing.... DF just got a job at the local dollar general (this is coming from someone who used to wear nice slacks and a button-up shirt to work everyday, selling things like big-screen TVs, audio systems for your home and car, etc) and so just working at DG is a blow to his pride... then (since I lost my job and he'd been out of work for months) he had to use our EBT card to get himself some lunch... at first, he was embarassed but then his manager pointed out some of the customers that have used theirs didn't even NEED it (you know, like the lady driving the freakin Mercedes with a $900 food stamp balance... yeah).   The system is there to HELP those in need... don't feel bad it you have to use it to feed your family.  I would live off of PB&J if I had to, but my 3 kids dont need to feel this pinch, so I try to make everything as normal as possible for them.

[treystiredmommy]

Jul. 25, 2009 at 10:45 AM

i totally understand what you are going through. i recently had my power turned off and had to sign up for energy assistance.  while i was there there were women on their blackberries with brand new name brand shoes with the tags still on them.  i was there at least feeling like i needed it.  every time my pride tried to sreep up i just pictured my son who by the way loved the candlelight while he was in his jumper, hes 6 months, i pictured him with no food because of spoiled formula or whatever and i did what i had to do.  i went home and cried and apologized fpr being a bad and incompetent mommy until a friend of mine pointed out that everyone needs help sometimes and its ok to ask.  i still dont like that i need assistance but i not longer feel guilty about it.  just remember that in order to take care of your daughter you have to be in good health and that includes eating right.