I am a firm advocate of breast feeding. Not so much that I yell at other mothers who can't or chose not to. Just enough that I was determined to breast feed my daughter. So tell me why I just fed my beautiful little girl 2 oz of formula and generally feed her at least 8-12 oz of formula every day?
You can't huh. Well, I can tell you.My two week old baby has nipple confusion. She has had it since she was 2 days old. It is NOT my fault. or so that's what everyone keeps telling me. They say to blame it on the hospital. It's their fault. And it is their fault. But somehow I just can't seem to make myself blame them entirely. Everyone says I'm doing my best. Well it sure doesn't feel that way.
I do pump and feed her what I make, but even though everyone tells me the more I pump the more I'll make, I can't get my breasts to make enough to feed her what she eats. The little rascal eats 4 oz in almost every sitting and I just can't keep up.
In the hospital, I had a rough time (see previous post). After my 35 hour labor and c section, I was in a lot of pain. Couldn't even pee without assistance. Me, super independent me had to rely on other people to get my underwear down. How embarrassed was I? After Lili was born, I wasn't producing milk yet. I was assured this was normal and my baby would be fine. However, after 2 days the lactation counselor came in to see me. "Your baby isn't getting enough food. We need to ask your permission to give her some formula to supplement." "Sure," I say, half delirious with pain. If I had been coherent my mouth would have said NO WAY. They gave her a straight nipple (not like the nuk orthodontic ones I have at home) and assured me she wouldn't suffer nipple confusion and once my milk came in she would latch just fine and all would be okay.
Two weeks later, my daughter is still drinking from a bottle. She suffers from nipple onfusion and when i DO try to breast feed her, I get pinched nipples. She likes to play with the bottle you see. She sucks her tongue, as well. Makes or a very sore mommy and almost no food for the kid. So I'm still formula feeding on top of the 2 oz a sitting I get with the pump.
I wish there was something I could do to undo what was done in the hospital, both with the labor and resultin section and feeding my daughter from a bottle. Everyone knows a bottle (especially a straight nipple) feeds faster than a mother who has no milk yet. My baby is smart. She figured this out at two days old and refuses to go back.
Hopefully, some day, I'll get her off the formula. But today, I just don't see it happening just yet.I can't starve her, but I hate the formula.
I guess all I can do is my best, and I'll keep telling myself I'm a good mom and it's not my fault. Maybe some day I'll believe myself.
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