Thoughts to myself

[angejackson]

Do you ever get weepy, and wonder what the future holds?  I look at my children, and I tear up thinking about how much I love them.  I have a fear of losing them, perhaps even more than what is reasonable to worry.  I start to think about Alex, who is only seven, and wonder how long he will live.  I have known all of his life that he is a miracle to even have made it thus far, and I hate to think that what the doctors have told me could even ever happen.

It is that time of year again, when he will have another renal ultrasound, and we will find out how his body is taking his medication.  Every time we set up an appointment for these tests I hurt more because I worry.  The age of 15 is sneaking up faster then I ever thought it could.  When Alex was born the doctors told me that by that age it was likely that Alex would start requiring organ transplants.  I cry when I think about this, and think about how his life could change.  I am trying so hard to make his life just like any other child's, but it is difficult, because he is not the same as every other child.  I want him to do everything that Dade does, and I rejoice when he can, but I get scared when he is not at the same level as Dade.

I am overcome with emotion right now, and can barely even write any longer.....

Dear G-d, please keep my Alex safe from harm.  Let me know the things I can do to make his life wonderful, and let him live to be older than the hills, and healthy as he does so.