RIP Glen Michael Franklin *ETA*

[kittyhasclaws]

My brother took his own life yesterday.  I still don't know all the details, but it had to have been in the evening or afternoon.  I got the call at about 9:45, but I was working, so I didn't answer my phone, and now I'm glad I didn't.  I talked with my mom the entire way home from work.  She didn't want me to hang up because she wanted to know that I made it home okay and that I was safe.  Safe. 

My brother was bipolar, and unmedicated for it.  He'd tried to commit suicide before, and was stopped each time.  But as far as I know, it's been a few years since his last attempt.  We thought he was doing better.  My mom says just the day before he had called her and was laughing because he'd taught his little girl Madeline to say, "Rambo", and was even getting her to make all her animal noises.  He seemed happy.  Apparently, this time when he cycled, he went down deeper than we could've imagined.

I keep thinking that if I'd been closer, I could've helped.  I could've had him involuntarily committed at some point.  Maybe they could've forced him to take meds.  He refused to take them on his own.  He swore he didn't need them.

Now, he's left behind a wife and a one year old little girl.  I just don't understand it.  Did he not see the change in our cousin?  When Randy committed himself when he felt suicidal, he got on meds and is now functioning like normal.  Why couldn't Glen have done the same?

They say that there are five stages to grieving.  I denied it last night to my mom.  It still seems surreal, but I know now that no matter what it feels like, he's gone.  I won't bargain because there's no one to bargain with.  But I will stay in this anger and depression for as long as I need to.

And I am angry.  I'm so mad at him.  How could he do this to us?  How could he do it to his wife and his little girl?  How could he leave her without a daddy?  How could he take his life when my mom and dad worked so hard to give him life in the first place.  They tried for ten fucking years to get pregnant with him.  And he just threw it away.  My mom and dad no longer have a son because he was too stubborn to get help.

I'm mad at myself too.  I never made peace with him.  Then again, he wouldn't speak to me.  All because of one time saying that I wasn't always proud that he was my brother.  I wasn't always proud that he was my brother.  He could be a complete asshole to people.  He made my mom cry on more than one occassion and he smirked because of it.  But despite that, I still loved him.  He was my brother afterall.  And now I don't have a brother.

But I haven't really stopped crying either.  The only reason I slept last night was because of the Ambien.  I fell asleep crying against Jacob.  He called my mom after I'd settled down a little just to tell her that he loved her and my dad very much and that he was going to take care of me, that he had me.  I think that helped my mom a little.

So now I'm waiting for my mom to call me today with more information.  We'll be going to the Navy Relief Society to get the money to fly out there whenever we find out when the funeral is going to be.  I need to call my sister-in-law, but I dont have her number yet.  My mom will give me that too.

I feel so sick.  We did have some good times.  We did have some fun together.  I have funny stories that I used to love to tell about the crazy shit that he's done, like trying to make mustard gas, building a cannon and snowboarding off the roof of the shed.  But now those memories are starting to hurt instead of making me feel better.

Whether he thought I would or not, or that anyone would, I'm going to miss him.  I'm going to miss him so much.

Rest in peace, Glen Michael.  I'm glad you're not suffering any more, but I'm going to miss you and I still love you so much.

Glen Michael Franklin, February 17, 1983 - July 25, 2009

ETA:  This is a blog from my Aunt (my dad's sister).

ETA 2:  My mom just let me know that his memorial service is going to be held on Saturday in Klamath Falls, Oregon, where we used to live.  It will be held in my mom's former church, Hope Lutheran on South 6th street.  There will be a second memorial held in Wisconsin so that my mother's family can grieve with us, but I'm not sure of the date for that service.

[KristiS11384]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 12:00 PM

Oh Kat, I am so sorry hun! I'm here if you need me.

[Austinka]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 12:04 PM

(hug) I'm sorry.  I can't imagine how much you are hurting, but I'm always here for you.

[parrishsky]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 12:10 PM

I am truly sorry for your loss. That last photo with the beanie reminds me of my son. I can't imagine losing anyone and the helplessness that comes with it. I know nothing will fill that void but try to keep his memories and the good times in your thoughts.

[KelleyP77]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 12:35 PM

That is heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry.

[mizkaye]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 12:38 PM

Sweet, Kitty...I'll cry for you today...lean on Jacob...let him take care of you and know that you are loved by all of us! 

[Aloomommy]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 12:56 PM

I'm so sorry, Kitty.  I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better.

[sgr123]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 1:15 PM

Kat, I am so sorry for you, your family and Glen.  If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.  Love you lots.

[lisama]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 1:20 PM

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but I am glad you have someone to lean on. My sons father committed suicide 4yrs ago this oct, and I was so sad for a long time, sad for my son. Now I am so mad at him, every time I think about it, I want to scream and hit something out of anger. His uncle on his dads side also committed suicide almost 8 yrs ago, so it is around me and my family, if you need anyone to talk to, just let me know. I know it helps to have someone other than family and friends to talk to.

[Alynn74]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 1:24 PM

I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss.

[theyareallmine]

Jul. 26, 2009 at 1:33 PM

HUGS.  I am so sorry for your loss......how awful. HUGS....