365 Days

[Lilbeamercomin]

It is currently 5:11pm on July 27th. At this exact time last year, I was sitting in a NICU cooing to my little boy as I prayed that he would gain strength quickly and come home to me. Dominick was born hypoglycemic, and as a result needed a few days of IV glucose. You would never know it today, but at one time he was a sick little boy. I have spent the past year mothering and nurturing him as best as I can, and I like to think I am doing something right as he is the happiest baby I have ever known. I feel blessed when complete strangers "talk" to him then ask me, "Is he always so happy?" Yes, he really is. Prior to becoming pregnant, I was not a great person. I'm not saying I am today either, but in at least one aspect of my life, I have grown and matured by ten fold. I consider(ed) myself to be a rather selfish person, and in the beginning, motherhood was quite a challenge for me. It is hard to adjust to doing things by someone else's schedule, especially someone you love so much. My son has changed me in many ways, but perhaps the best way being that I find it easier now to see things through other people's eyes. I have learned to care for/about others just as much as I care for myself. When it comes to my son however, I can't think of anything I care more about than him. He has also taught me how to be more patient, and how to enjoy the simple things in life. It's hard to complain about being bored, or restless when you see your child finding such pure joy from an empty cardboard box.

My son's first birthday was yesterday, and though it was his day, I feel in many ways it was mine as well. It was the day I became a mother, the day I brought life into this world, and the day my own life changed forever. My son was born at home, unassisted, on July 26th 2008 at 5:20 am. I have never had to trust myself, and trust my intuition more so than I did that day. I have seen first hand just how correctly a woman's body (and mind) will guide her. My son was born small, but as I have learned, small itself isn't always an issue. I was patient with him, observant, and trusting in myself to notice if there was cause to be worried. Initially there was not, and my son scored very well by basic apgars. Hypoglycemia kicks in a few hours after birth, which is exactly what it did. We watched, we waited, and we noticed. At that point we had him seen and treated. The one thing I am most happy about is knowing that his first hours were spent being loved and touched by only his mother and father. Then, after reassurance from both neo-natologists who told me it would have happened had been born in the hospital or on the moon, I felt a surge of pride. Pride in myself, pride in the bond I had with my child, proud for doing so many hours of research, proud of asking all those questions, and proud of silencing my mind and letting my instincts do what they were meant to do. Most importantly, I am proud that I didn't let fear cloud anything. When you approach things "matter of factly," you are able to think more logically. Emotion is wonderful, but can also put you in danger.

Since my son's birth, I have continued in my research and I have decided to let him grow up human. He is in charge of deciding for himself what he likes and does not like. With the exception of important "scheduled" activies, such as bed time, he is allowed to decide when he is hungry, how fast he wants to eat, when he is done eating, when he wants to play, with what toys he wants to play, and so on. He is happy, he is cheerful, he is intelligent, he is motivated, he is a child. More so, he is my child. In one year i was watched him quadruple his birth size, learn to roll over, then how to sit up, then how to crawl, then how to walk, and now learning how to talk. I was there when he was colicing, I have been there for every tear, I have spent hours searching for a lost blanket, or lost stuffed animal, and have kissed many booboos. I have taught him how to "open," and "close" his bath toys, and he has learned how to pick up his toys when he is done playing with them. It is amazing to see what can change in just 365 days.

[TJSMOM91804]

Jul. 27, 2009 at 7:45 PM

You are a wonderful mom & your son is very lucky to have you. I can understand the NICU. My TJ was in it for 11 days almost 5 yrs ago. Last Aug he was in ICU for 3 days & a reg room for another 2 wks. Just last Tues, he was admitted into ICU again for another 3 days due to breathing problems. (TJ has had a LOT of problems since he was born)  Some day, your little one will be a man & you will still see him as that little boy in the NICU. You will laugh & you will cry because he will ALWAYS be your little boy.  HUGS!!!!

[Destiny13]

Jun. 19, 2010 at 7:51 PM

Your right! Emotions are dangerous at times.
This was a beautiful read.
You remind me of me ;)