I've got the skills

[emubren]

Objective:      To get out of this house

Experience:  2006 to current

Abilities:      

Can successfully complete and pass online civil service examination while breast-feeding

Able to change an infant diaper one-handed while other hand uses three separate remotes to start a Pocoyo DVD

Fielding phone calls from family and businesses while directing toddler where to find her zebras, washing up a binkie for the teething infant, and writing a note about the need to get a Prozac prescription

Capable of bathing and dressing two children and an adult (including full leg shave) in a 15 minute period so we "can get out of the house for these danged doctor appointments"

Great scratch drawing skills.  If you need a block house with a chimney, two windows, a door, and a smiling sun overhead, I'm your girl.  I also have a multi-funtional snake that can serve as a worm, caterpillar, piece of spaghetti, or rope.  If you rotate the paper 90 degrees, it's a sketch of Kate Moss

Excellent spatial orientation skills which permit me to load a travel swing, a full-sized high chair, a Boppy gym, a 4' X 3' X 2' suitcase, a fully-stocked diaper bag, two bags of toys, three paintings, and a random can of Ovaltine into the trunk of a Buick Century and get the trunk lid closed


Special Training:

Biohazard containment

Acting thrilled about purple crayons while having a crotchful of stitches and a rock-hard rack

Issuing dire threats with no need for follow-through

Fully functional on three hours of sleep, five cups of coffee, and half a cereal bar stolen when the toddler wasn't watching


Languages:

English (limited use at this point)

Toddlerese

Goo-Goo, Ga-Ga

Currently taking a course in Interpretive Potty Dance.  Instructor is easily distracted.  Hoping to obtain diploma sometime within the next ten years.

Contact info:  Target customer service.  I'm the lady returning diapers because her hubby snagged the wrong size.

[sapient]

Jul. 28, 2009 at 1:54 PM

When can you start?

[BigMommaJesca]

Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:01 PM

FANTASTIC.

[Rebeccalynn_dj]

Jul. 28, 2009 at 5:28 PM

HAHA 

[HistoryMamaX3]

Jul. 28, 2009 at 6:48 PM

You haz all the skillz I need, yo. :0)

[Fistandantalus]

Jul. 29, 2009 at 1:10 PM

You realize that you're overqualified to be a state senator, right?

[callmeann]

Sep. 15, 2009 at 5:06 PM

They need to send you down to fight those LA fires.  Nothing made by man nor nature could stand up to those skills.