Kierstyn's 3rd birthday in heaven..... Brett's 2nd b-day coming up in 9 days

[truckchickie]

WOW- where did the time go... Brett's birthday is August 9th 2007!!

I can't believe that my daughter, Kierstyn was here for 2 wonderful weeks almost 3 yrs ago... Kierstyn was born August 4th 2006..

There are so many memories that are flowing back to when I was breastfeeding Kierstyn on the couch and half way fell asleep because I was so tired the day after we brought her home..

I remember dressing her up in an adorable little dress that I always thought she would grow into.. I felt on top of the world with her in my arms.. Never knew that our lives were going to be changed FOREVER in a matter of minutes at the time she was 9 days old ..

Rushing Kierstyn to the emergency room b/c she was breathing weird.. and then her turning white as a ghost after I walked into the emergency room.. Watching the nurses and doctors do everything in there power to try and get Kierstyn to breath again I do remember asking for Gods help and then she started breathing again but unknown to us it was only a matter of days that we would be able to keep our daughter with us... as she had stopped breathing for almost 10 mins in the emergency room and so was not strong enough to go thought the heart surgery she needed to even possibly go on for even another day b/c she had turner syndrome on top of it all ...

I remember Kierstyn turning her head to say Hi and Goodbye Mommy in the NICU and her tiny little palm clinching my hand and thinking to myself (Why is this happening to us)..... What did we do to deserve this??  I guess Death happens - if it's now or later - Our children are NOT suppose to go before we do.... But life still goes on - If your ready to move on or not... I am very thankful for my lil guys as keep me happy more times than not!! 

We can't choose our cards for what is in store for us in the future all we can do is live it to the fullest and hope that life doesn't throw anymore hard balls.. LOL

I can't seem to remember when i cried last.. I am amazed to know that there are so many other moms that have lost a child as well but it helps me know I am not alone- doing this all by myself !!

When I talk about my daughter, just seeing some parents face of pity, It makes me sad for them as they live in the moment vs. enjoy what life can bring in the end...

I refuse to feel so sorry for myself and let my son's suffer b/c of my daughters death it's NOT there fault that there sister died.. Kierstyn was just called earlier than excepted...

I am trying to hold on to the wonderful joys that life still has to offer and I am so thankful for all the friends and family that has lent out a hand to me vs bit it off and allowed me to grieve and get though the bad days as I don't know were I would be without all of them today....

xoxo

 

[SLGIRL]

Jul. 31, 2009 at 11:58 AM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Kierstyn.  I'm happy for you that you have a precious son.  HUGS to you!